[Christine08]

Hi,

I'm 22 and what i'm about to say please don't judge me or anything, cause it's dificult to say this cause no one knows and I'm only saying this cause I need opinion and cause no one here knows me.

I have problems with sexuality with my bf, because I don't have the will to have sex, for me it's something that I can live without. I don't know if it's the depression talking, i honestly don't know. The truth is when we end up (to have sex) i feel bad, feel nausea, why do I feel like this? . This as brought problems for me and him, and discussions, because i feel pushed to do it, and i don't want to, i don't need to and i know he is upset and it's always a psychological pressure I get from him.

I don't know why I'm like that. Since i was young ( 4- 5 years) i was sexually aroused and i discovered sexuality real young and I don't know if it is because of that that I'm like this. Don't know what to think. Please advice.

[lynn P.]

No need to worry - most here won't judge you especially in this forum. There could be many reasons why you feel this way and it might be a mix of several things. The simplest reason is, some people are Asexual and this means they don't feel the need to for intimate contact. This is the way they are and they're fine being like this. There's also some psychological conditions where they don't feel the need for sexual contact either.

Since you did at one time feel sexual desire, then you're probably not what I discussed in the above paragraph. If you're depressed or have suffered previous sexual abuse this could be the reason. Medications can also affect libido as well as not having a gentle partner. So as you can see there can be many reasons why you have lack of sexual desire. Do you have a doctor or therapist you can discuss this with? Its also important to have a patient partner who takes him time rather than just fulfilling his needs - foreplay is important. Would you feel comfortable sharing what you mean here...if not that's okay:

I don't know why I'm like that. Since i was young ( 4- 5 years) i was sexually aroused and i discovered sexuality real young and I don't know if it is because of that that I'm like this

[Christine08]

Thank you so much for taking time responding, this as been killing me for a long time and to have the possibility to talk to someone who understands its great, so thank you.
No i don't have a therapist. I was seeing a psychologist, not only because of this problem, but because of others to but i left.

Since you did at one time feel sexual desire, then you're probably not what I discussed in the above paragraph.

I did have, i dont know if this could be called sexual desire but i started masturbating very young ( at the age of 4 -5 ). I don't know if it is because of that or if it is normal to do it so young, but i think that time i was, well how can i say it, sexually influenced by one of my parents, i think one of them stimulated my inicial sexuality. I'm sorry if you don't understand what i'm saying, because i'm not english and i don't know how to describe it. Maybe this can be because of the pill, i don't know. I only think it's so weird to doesn´t have the need to have relations and after i do it, to have nausea.

He really understands, more than i could ask, and has been compreensive but lately he gets all moody and makes me feel worse because of this.
Thank you really.

[lynn P.]

I know most find it embarrassing to talk about masturbation. Its very normal for children to stimulate themselves. Let me ask gently - are you saying your parent accidentally stimulated you there? Is there any sexual abuse in your past? Some who have been abused will have lack of desire and a bad reaction to sex? If your BF takes his time and lets you control what happens while using enough lubrication - this might help. Is there any pain during sex? I'm a mother of 2 girls 9 and 13 so I don;t mind discussing this here in a non embarrassing way. You're lucky to have an understanding boyfriend.

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by Christine08

This as brought problems for me and him, and discussions, because i feel pushed to do it, and i don't want to, i don't need to and i know he is upset and it's always a psychological pressure I get from him.

Do you want to just be friends with him? Would you be jealous if he found someone else to have sex with?

[Christine08]

are you saying your parent accidentally stimulated you there?

I don't have many certains and cause i don't remember quite well, but i think so. But no, i don't think i was sexually abused in the past.

If your BF takes his time and lets you control what happens while using enough lubrication - this might help. Is there any pain during sex?

Yes there is pain, and sometimes when is the end of my period, after we have sex, I bleed. Bu i get lubrificated cause we have preliminary(i don't know if this is well written -.-).

You're lucky to have an understanding boyfriend.

I also think so, cause it was him who made me go to see a psychologist. I't from him i get all the support. But even with him I can't oppenly talk about some of this things, you know =S.

[Christine08]

Do you want to just be friends with him? Would you be jealous if he found someone else to have sex with?

No I don't and yes i would feel jealous of him with someone else, i don't want that =S.