Am I a victim of Hypersexuality?

I know this happens among many people who have Bipolar during their manic stage. My question is if a person is struggling with hypersexuality does it mean that they enjoy sex? I'm laying here thinking about a lot of my sexual experiences & being diagnosed with bipolar years ago, which I didn't accept because I didn't know at the time that some people can have more depression than mania.

Anyways, my T asked did I enjoy sex after me revealing that I've never been in a relationship...only had sexual relations. I told her that I didn't enjoy sex because I don't think that I do. Yet there were many of times that I initiated sex...it had even gotten to a point where I was having sex with 3 different guys at the same time of being involved with each of them w/o the other one knowing. I'm embarrassed to say that I even continued to mess around with this guy who gave me an STD. Even after knowing that I couldn't have possibly given him anything...I chose to have sex with him. He would txt & I would go. Same thing happened when I was messing with a married man & his wife was away. I'm ashamed of this also, but I kept having relations with him even knowing that it was wrong. I've even had 2 one night stands & they were both people I knew...people who I should have never ever slept with, but at that time I didn't care about that.

Everytime I had sex I would just wish it was over, but that didn't stop me from having sex even though I didn't enjoy it. I'm not sure why I put myself in those situations but I did. Thinking back to when I was younger, my hormones were out of control...I didn't think it was normal for my age. I did things to help put myself at ease & it's very embarrassing to think about or say...I've never ever told anyone about it, so I will just end it here.

Can someone shed some light on my situation? Am I suffering from hypersexuality even though I don't enjoy sex?

Hi So Fragile 88,

My concern in reading this post is that you are "ashamed", "didn't enjoy it", and have put your health at risk. While these are all characteristics of Hypersexuality or sex addiction, I would be weary to assign a label of sex addict. Sex can be used, similar to drugs, as an escape or to fulfill emotional needs, and so I would wonder what function sex is fulfilling for you?

I recommend looking at Kelly McDaniel's book "Ready To Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex and Relationship Addiction." Additionally, I hope that you have a trusting relationship with your current therapist in which you feel comfortable discussing your current sexual concerns.

Hypersexuality is just a heightened sex drive, without any "editorial comment" as to enjoyment. It's like an alcoholic having to have that drug--he'll get it from mouthwash or shaving lotion if that's all that's available, but he doesn't have to like drinking it!

But from your description of what you're driven to, I'm not so sure it's hypersexuality you're dealing with. Two one-night-stands is nothing--try a dozen or more. Further, you knew everyone you had sex with. Again, hardly a requirement where hypersexuality is involved. You may have been into some risky or inappropriate relations, but there might have been other motives (unconscious maybe) for those.

Three affairs at the same time also may reflect just risky behavior rather than hypersexuality. Other possibilities there too.

Hormones can drive us to the sexual act, and there doesn't have to be much thought involved. Cats in the alley, scratch the itch--lots of very unromantic ways to describe it. But enjoyment certainly isn't required. Enjoyment is a human judgment or value we assign, but the sex drive itself exists at the biological level.

Now if you don't enjoy sex, that's something to explore in therapy. I have a fairly low sex drive & am seldom an initiator, but I respond big time with the right person. I didn't enjoy sex much at all, tho, at your age. I wish I had had the sense to do something about that back then. I think it would have changed my relationships enormously for the better--& my life correspondingly--had I figured out why I was that way. I worked on it later, but that was so much harder & less successful.

Thanks for the reply...I think I get it & you're right something I should explore in T's office. When I get bold enough to talk about it...maybe I will.