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#1
Dec 08, 2011, 10:43 PM
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I will try to keep this brief and to the point. I know I should really be asking a psychologist or some other doctor, but it is something that is kind of bothering me and I was hoping for a quicker answer. Also, I would like to know if anyone else has the same concern/issue.
When I was 11-12, I was sexually abused by a family member (not raped). As I got older, I would have rape fantasies. But, as I got even older and started dating, I would be extremely shy and nervous around the guys I was with. When I finally got comfortable enough to fool around with them, it was always by their initiation. And sometimes I would give in and do things that I wasn't comfortable doing yet because I wanted to "please" them. Yet, I never actually had sex with anyone until I met the man that I am currently with, and he waited 3 months until I was ready to have sex with him for the rest time. Then, in February of this year, I was date-raped by 2 acquaintances that I was sharing a few drinks with. My concern is, while the actual "rape" fantasies are gone, I still have fantasies about being controlled. When it comes to sex, I love the idea of being submissive. In fact, a very large part of me feels that is my only role, so the idea of doing anything that a man wants me to do, is such a turn-on. Recently, I was introduced to humiliation and even degradation during sex, and I love it. I love cuffs, blind-folds, etc... I know about bondage and S&M, etc. My question is, why does it turn ME on? After everything that has happened to me, why does the idea of bending to the will of a man excite me? It's not really fair to say that that is the only type of sexual experience I have ever had, because my man and I never engage in that type of sex. We have a very "normal" sex life. Does being molested and sexually assaulted have anything to do with my fantasies? Sorry to go into so much detail... Thanks in advance for your insight. 
Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Dec 09, 2011 at 07:55 AM. Reason: added trigger icon.... |
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#2
Dec 09, 2011, 09:49 AM
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Welcome to PC - this may be related to the past sexual abuse or it could be how you are. Some abuse victims end up in the sex trade or some may not be able to enjoy sex at all. If someone is into S&M they're not necessarily past abuse victims and its no longer considered a sexual disorder. If a couple want to engage in this - it should be under safe, consensual conditions and always have a safe word - meaning if you really don't want to do something, he would know to stop. This is to avoid confusion. Have you received therapy for these sexual assaults?
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 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#3
Dec 09, 2011, 12:12 PM
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First off I am sorry you have had to go through this. I'm glad that your rape fantasies are gone. I don't necessarily see anything 'wrong' with fantasies of being controlled or submissive? In fact I think everyone likes that every now and then. Those are actually quite common fantasies and there are entire industries dedicated to the things you enjoy.
It could have something to do with or it could not. There are many people who share your desires that have never been sexually abused. Some people like it bc in their real lives they hold a position of power at work or in the home. Some people just like experimenting with new things. Have you ever carried out any of these fantasies to see how they affect you at the time? I agree with lynn that there should be some kind of counseling for these sexual assaults. Does your partner know about these assaults? I was raped by an ex (took me a long time to even realize that, yes, you can be raped in a relationship) and to this day certain things still trigger me - it has been over 7 years. I try to do things to please my bf but he understands that some things are just off limits. Just last week I was triggered and just broke down in the middle of sex and started bawling my eyes out. Don't suppress these emotions until they turn into that. I should have gotten help right when it happened and now it has ruined many relationships of mine. Please don't put yourself through that. |
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#4
Dec 10, 2011, 03:17 AM
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I am sad and angry that this happened to you.
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#5
Dec 22, 2011, 11:19 AM
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hello, im writing to your sexuality thing u posted... I just wanted to tell you your not alone. I was raped at 12, had sex at 16 and wanted to be "raped" from there on... Then raped again at 19 and wanted it MORE... Choked, hit, everything... And then earlier this year, I was abused again. And while I dont necessarily want to be raped,the THOUGHT of a man forceing me turns me on... Ive always thought it to be strange. But in reading other posts on your post... Maybe our brain just gets stimulated by the past? Or maybe its almost thr sense of controlled rape (i.e. we can say no)sounds better than getting forced again therefore we follow what our brain knows...? Idk... All I can say is im sorry that all happened to you, but your not alone. If u do find an answer please do share... Thanks
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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