I'm confused!!!

Hi all,

To reiterate the subject; I'm confused, sexually!

I haven't a clue what sexual orientation I am. I mean (and forgive me if I'm crude), I masturbate to gay porn, yet can only imagine myself being with a women. However, the only sexual relationships I have had have been with men (met through a NSA website), and I have to say I didn't enjoy it. Although heterosexual pornography doesn't arouse me.

[By the way, please forgive me if this is an incoherent babble, but I've been drinking]

Over the past weekend I went to a friend’s wedding and I was chatting up this girl, although nothing came of it because (on her way back from the toilets) she saw me hugging the bride’s sister. And later that evening, admittedly after a fair bit of alcohol, I snogged this sister in the hotel corridor, yet the next day masturbated thinking about men. [Seriously it's driving me nuts!!!]

I do have a loose theory about it; I often say to people (friends) that I'm socially inept and emotionally retarded. And I wonder whether the fact I have trouble forming bonds with people (say women) and not getting into relationships because of it might make me think that I'm gay (a case of needing to have a label). However, even though I tend to 'fall back' on that reasoning I do recall looking up gay pornography when I was a teenager (which at 23 might not seem a long time ago, but I'm a proper Victor Meldrew!).

I'm not sure if any of that has made sense, or if I've included all that is relevant, so I apologise.

Thanks in advance,

Tom

Hi Tom,

Im sorry your feeling so confused - this must be a difficult time for you. I think your theory on the issue could well be correct but if you find yourself overthinking the matter or its affecting you from forming more sustainable relationships then i would perhaps seek therapy and see if that helps you resolve this issue.

I recently came out as bi - i was in a relationship with a guy and due to my desires to have sex with women the whole thing ended pretty badly but im glad i now know where i stand and what i want. Is it possible that the sex you had with guys just wasn't that great and could possibly be more enjoyable providing you do it with someone more whose more experienced/simply better at it?

I hope ive been of some help and remember sometimes its ok not to know for definate what your sexuality is but if its really bothering you just take your time to explore the matter a bit further and just be patient with yourself - your only human after all. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat. Good luck.

You can be straight and just enjoy watching that type of stuff, it doesn't necessarily make you gay. Porn aside, are you actually attracted to men? You even said yourself that you can't imagine being with a man.
I doubt you're truly socially inept or emotionally retarded, you're just young. You shouldn't try to write it off as something like that but try to change it instead.
-And sort of repeating what bb said- You don't need to label your sexuality. You shouldn't define how you interact with the world based on a label. Just be yourself and do what feels right. Be patient.