[LiteraryLark]

I'm a bisexual girl, and i have preferences for gay men. My affections for gay men have ruined a great deal of friendships. There is something about gay men that turns me on. Every time I have a gay friend I become possessive and try to kiss. With my close gay friends I would bring up having sex. I can't help but fantasize being with a gay man or seeing a guy have sex with another guy.

I've just recently been having feelings for a straight man (it's been two years since I've had any feelings for a straight man) and I've made out with plenty of women to release some sexual tension, but nothing makes me as crazy as much as the thought of being with a gay guy, which drives me nuts because I know it will never happen.

I'm comepletely lost. Whenever I bring it up to my therapists, they change the subject. When I ask my friends for advice they tell me "just don't fall in love with them". But how can I not when i don't even know why I like them to begin with!?

I'm going to a rave with a gay guy I made out with when we were drunk in December. When I texted him how much I liked it, he replied "Consider it a rare oppurtunity". I'm going to be grinding with him and sleeping next to him, what can i do to prevent me from trying to kiss him? What should I do?

What can I do to stop my urges? I don't want to like gay guys anymore!!!

[Pandoren]

Out of interest, how do you feel about bisexual guys?

I don't think it's unusual for a woman to fantasise or like the idea of two men together, it's just that we hear far more about men who fantasise about two women together, so that's not necessarily unnatural.

If you want to go into it with a therapist, I think you may need to seek out another therapist, perhaps one who deals specifically in sexual issues (since it may be that your therapists are changing the subject because it isn't their area of expertise and they don't know how to deal with it) or for you to put your foot down and say "this is what I want to work on" especially since I'm assuming you are paying for their services.

Good luck.

hey, drskipper - i think this fantasy will play out when you come to the realization that the chances of it being fulfilled are VERY low. we all have sexual fantasies but, when they don't pan out, we have to reevaluate whether they are worth the cost in time lost and love lost. fantasies are one thing; reality is another. living your life with unrealistic fantasies will, after time, grow painful because they lead nowhere. perhaps it's better to reign in your fantasies and aim for something that is attainable - like a straight or bisexual man who CAN fulfill a fantasy of yours. all the best to you.

[unaluna]

How DOES your T respond? Your wanting something unattainable makes me ask what was unattainable in your earlier life that causes this compulsion now? How was your relationship with your parent(s)?

[LiteraryLark]

hankster: They all just change the subject. I was obsessed with this one boy all throughout elementary school and I would follow him and his friends around and they would call me leech and loner. But once he finally fell in love with me my parents told me not to do anything so I stopped liking him.

My relationship with my parents were fine.

pandoren: I don't really have an opinion about bi-guys. It's not the same. I don't know any bi-guys either.

[Harley47]

Hey there Doc.

I think Hank got it. It's human nature to want what we "can't" have, to desire the unobtainable. I don't think it's particularly abnormal, but if it bothers you, have you tried pushing it with your T? I have never been to a therapist (well, once, but I was very young and didn't understand what I was supposed to do, so it literally lasted all of 3 minutes :P), so I'm not sure if that's a breech of etiquette or something like that, but he/she should talk to you about it if it concerns you, IMO.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I'm comepletely lost. Whenever I bring it up to my therapists, they change the subject.

Hi!

I don't know about your parents, your friends or your gay men, but something is wrong with your therapists! They should not change the subject.

It is possible, of course, that they think you are changing the subject, and whenever they are getting close to something interesting you bring up the gay men.

But if your therapist won't talk about it, you need to find someone who will.

Following up Hankster's idea: Maybe you find it safer to pursue gay men because you know they are not going to pursue you. That way, you are always in control. You might not get the sex you want, but you'll always be safe from sex you don't want. That might be more important to you.

Maybe your T wants to explore "safety" and "pursuit", and you perceive that as "changing the subject"?