[Fargo14]

this is a little embarrassing to talk about but I'm sure I'm not the only one having this issue.

I have been with 3 girls now, and with each of them i could never orgasm naturally. i haven't spoken to my family doctor about it because as stated its embarrassing.

scenarios run through my head as to what the issue could be. The one that seems the most logical would be that I'm just too stressed out during sex to be able to get to that point. to clarify, i want to be good, great if possible (as i am sure every man strives for) and the last thing that you want to happen is to go limp... it freaks me out a little so that rather my mind be on us its on "it".... what do you think?

[Big Mama]

Are you on any psych meds. They can do a number on your ex life. High blood pressure can also cause similar issues. And the obvious STRESS. Is there a chance it is one of the other issues .

[Fargo14]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

Are you on any psych meds. They can do a number on your ex life. High blood pressure can also cause similar issues. And the obvious STRESS. Is there a chance it is one of the other issues .

i am not on any meds and as for High blood pressure last i checked it was a little above normal ( which i dont think would be high enough to cause an issue)

[buzz bee]

Medication all but killed my sex life. I would lay there, let him do his job (as a good wife would) and be glad when it was done. Google your mental problem along with little to no sexual side effects. For example; mine would say, (bipolar medication with little to no sexual side effects.) I did that and told my doctor what I wanted to try. It changed my sexual life big time.

What has also help, I have to admit, is the fact that my kids are now teenagers. I have finally relaxed and get out of the mommy mode to lover mode. That took time. Which talking to family and friends over the years is normal.

Hubby and I have also gone to sex stores together. I looked up on the internet of toys and lubes that I would be interested in. I also read customer reviews.
Then I had to get over my shyness over having my husband watch or help me with the pleasure. That has been the big thing. But he totally loves it.

I hope I helped. What your going through I think most of us have been through at one time or another. Sorry your going through this. I know its a bummer.

[ifst5]

Firstly, it's important that you somehow get professional input because this can be an indicator of physical/medication issues which need addressing. What about a sexual health clinic as a first port of call? They deal with an array of sex-related issues so even if they're not best placed to help it can ease the worry of actually talking to someone about this. As for performance anxiety, it's quite common sadly and there seems to be this attitude generally that orgasms define sexual experience. If the focus switched a bit i'm sure more people would be finding themselves experiencing them more often (health permitting of course). If a person has decided to sleep with you, that's quite a big commitment on their part - it shows a degree of interest, of care for you. And let's face it, if adults can't talk about not so great sex as and when it happens how can things really improve?

Why don't you ask the next person you're with in a gentle and affirming way what it is they prefer etc. Sometimes judgement really is key - if someone is more submissive that gives you free reign to take a bit more control in giving them pleasure or vice versa. I find that i personally am more inclined to orgasm if the other person is responsive - it demonstrates their involvement and enjoyment in being with me. It's very much a two person process. There's no way you 'should' be doing it as a man it's about being there for each other. Some have an easier time with less of an emotional connection than others etc so that's why spending time to explore this issue is important. Determine if there are any barriers, think about what kind of sex and/or sexual acts you would really enjoy, think about what you would need to say to put across your needs as well as accepting your partners. My point is that can be got around and be an opportunity for growth. If we grow in other parts of our lives then our sexual lives should by rights, follow suit.

I wish you all the best on your journey.

[bighands]

Can you climax when you masturbate?

[Fargo14]

Originally Posted by bighands

Can you climax when you masturbate?

yes when i masturbate i can climax... its only when the intimacy is involving another person that i just cant enjoy and/or climax

[bighands]

Originally Posted by Fargo14

yes when i masturbate i can climax... its only when the intimacy is involving another person that i just cant enjoy and/or climax

Then it's not meds and most likely not a physical issue. You just need to relax. Pressure to perform can be tough. If you'll old enough, have a drink or 2 before to help you relax.

If it continues you're going to have to talk to a professional councillor/therapist. Don't let it fester. Talk to someone and got it solved now. Time will only make things more complicated.

Good luck.

[F3RFA]

Originally Posted by Fargo14

yes when i masturbate i can climax... its only when the intimacy is involving another person that i just cant enjoy and/or climax

What immediately came to mind for me was the "Death Grip" or getting used to putting extreme pressure on the penis while masturbating (Eg. Being in the prone position). I forget the actual term for it, but basically you can reverse the effects most of the time. If either are a possibility I'll find you some sites.