the dreaded erectile dysfunction in a diabetic man

Oh, I am so sad... My old old French lover, Charles, hinted at ED. He mentioned not wanting to disappoint me, mentioned diabetes, and finally mentioned "it does not matter if I can or I cannot, I just want to see you and reconnect with you". I last saw him in the 1990s. He did not have ANY problems of that sort back then. In fact he could pull off two sex acts in a row easily. I am pretty sure he has ED - why else would he mention diabetes, it is not as it I were asking for his chart. I know, diabetes is notorious for this complication.

At first, I was shocked. After receiving countless spam emails about Viagra, I could not understand why he would even mention that! Can't he just take a pill and function?!?!

After the initial shock wore off, I did a search for diabetes and ED and discovered that pills are not 100% effective. So that must be it - he is unsure that pills would help him. That is why the talk about disappointment.

I also read that besides the pill, "stimulation" is needed - I take it, touching the penis. That REALLY disappointed me. I never had to touch his penis before - the mere fact of my existence always was stimulating enough for him, and I liked it this way. But I guess in order to be nice I can provide stimulation... Oh well, the brave new world.

What else do people do in such circumstances? Diabetes is common enough, so I hope that some people would be in the know.

This forum does not stop to amaze me. I thought I was asking a common enough question, statistically speaking. Are all readers here twenty somethings without a care about erectile dysfunction?? Is it even an adult board?

Everybody is thinking, "old man balls in your face." No comment on whether or not that's an adult thought.

every man reading this is going to get old, if he escapes suicide or air crash

There's a reason god made money - so old men could get laid by young women. WHEN did I get so cynical??? I'm just surprised you expected more from an older gent.

he was old back then - in this 50s, and no problem. As I said, two sex acts in a row without manual or oral stimulation. Age itself is OK. You have to be SICK to have ED. I had another lover in his 50s, Stan, and he had it but - from depression, not from age. And he had great fingers and a great tongue, so I had no complaints. And two more men that age, with no ED - age is OK, again, if a man is healthy. How would I have known that he has acquired diabetes on the way?

Hankster, to your question about what I expected, well, I expected that he would take Levitra/Cialis/Viagra discreetly without telling me anything and I would never know that such a problem ever existed. This is what my expectation was in the worst case scenario. I thought that the world has solved this probem. I thought that it was the biggest medical discovery of the 1990s. My dexterous impotent lover who was so good with his tongue was BEFORE Viagra was invented. So it was basically in a prehistoric period. I never dealt with ED AFTER Viagra.

so... I recalled one writer saying that a man is a man so long as he has one finger. This is true - you can satisfy a woman with one finger. But that is woman-centric sex. I had this sex with my impotent lover who was proud of his ability to give me literally endless orgasms. And everything was good. With this French guy, sex was very phallic. It was about his pleasure. I would come briefly, once, and the emphasis was not on my orgasms. Not at all. And I was OK with it. I was just pleased that he was SOOOO excited to be with me, just beyond belief.

So I basically need to switch him from phallic sex to woman-centric sex. I have absolutely no clue how to go about it, but at least I have formulated the task before me. Now I have until Dec 6 to think about it...

Hankster,

Of the three people who have impressed me with size, one was older than my parents. In fact, he had the hardest erection of all men I have been with - hard as stone and iron combined. It was just unbelievable. But he was not diabetic, he ate well, ran every day etc etc - took good care of his health. So it is definitely possible and NOT an age thing. It is a disease thing. And if anything should motivate young men to get off their butts and exercise, it is that. That, plus that smoking leads to a decrease in the size of the penis. I am frankly surprised that proponents of healthy lifestyle do not capitalize on these two facts more; should be a no-brainer.

Yes it is true you can satisfy a woman with one finger and range of medications are available in the market that prove to be successful in treating erectile dysfunction in men but men with health problems such a high blood pressure and diabetes find it increasingly difficult to get rid of the dreaded sexual disorder erectile dysfunction.

Thanks, Sally, I did not realize that high blood pressure can do it too. Diabetes I knew, but not high blood pressure. But SO many men have high blood pressure - do they all suffer from erectile dysfunction?

That should be reason enough to legalize marijuana country-wide - it lowers blood pressure.

Weight also plays a factor, if this guy has gained weight, then it is more difficult for extra blood to get down there so to speak. I noticed myself that as I have lost weight over the last year I am able to get "up" faster and stronger than before. It is of course different for every man.

So he was great. Two sex acts in a 24 hour period without any stimulation and, according to him, without drugs. I was completely unorgasmic, completely unexcited, completely asexual, probably because I am way too stressed out by my divorce and visitation battle with ex husband. So he was very disappointed to the point of feeling that having sex with me now is like taking advantage of me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to convince him that I still enjoy, that sex is not egotistic to me, that I feel joy when he comes (it is clear when he comes, so no complaints there, and he is big, so no complaints from me in that department either) and I feel joy from closeness. Nope, he kept remembering how orgasmic I used to be.

He reports blood sugar level of about 150 on Metformin and 300 before Metformin. My blood sugar level is 71 - almost too low. But he functions well at almost age 70 and I do not function at all at my 42.

At this point I have lost hope that orgasms will ever come back.

So it is me with ED, not him.