Physiologcal Effects of Involuntary Celibacy

I was browsing for something entirely different and stumbled across your post - I joined this site just to reply to you as I can relate to your situation - having been there myself - well into my 30's. I can relate to the extreme emotional pain and distress it causes. Also, it's something you feel you cannot share with others around you - adding to the feeling of isolation which was already pretty strong to begin with.

My situation was slightly different (and perhaps a bit more complex) in the sense that eventually I did get into a relationship, but the complexity being that my partner suffered from similar issues as well(low self esteem primarily) - resulting in an asexual relationship for a number of years - which added to the seeming hopelessness of the situation. What worked in the end though was psychotherapy - I had an anti-therapy stance for most of my life - but I got so desperate that I felt that it couldn't really get any worse. So, long story short - after having individual therapy for a couple of years with a psychoanalyst and couples therapy for a cpl of months with a psychosexual therapist - we were finally able to consummate the relationship and get a sexual dimension to our lives.
Coming back to your immediate questions - I have no clue about the drugs that you asked about - but I do suggest getting in touch with a mental health professional and consider getting into therapy, if possible. At the very least it will help you in being able to share the feelings of pain and isolation and hopefully - get to a more long term resolution of the underlying issues.

This is interesting. I was going to post about this very thing (Probably still will) but the hilarious thing to me is that you're working towards a sweet job. Consider the fact that you're in a better situation at least than myself because I am not getting a sweet job. There's one positive, you'll have money. I don't agree with getting a prostitute though. That can create a whole other problem.

I'm 27 and I never even went on a date, no one has ever shown the least bit of interest in me so I've never even had as little as one kiss. I also don't have many friends and the only family I have a relationship with is my mother(and grandmother but she's a difficult person) and that one is also complicated because, while we do get along, there is a lot of unhappiness on both sides and she is very unhappy and worried about how I've turned out at the age of 27(no career despite being quite smart and knowledgeable, no real social circle, unhappy ,etc).
So, physically I spent the last 12 or so years with almost zero real comfort or connection. Apart from hugs and foot rubs from my mother, the most I get are occasional hand shakes with random people. I have so little touch and even less truly meaningful, intimate touch in my life, and it is such a constant, that even my therapist says it's a problem.
Sometimes , I feel like crying just seeing people kiss or touch or hold hands as I walk on the street or if I see such things on tv, at times it happens even just watching random youtube videos or gifs of people caressing animals.

So, point it, I have plenty of experience. Strictly physically I think the effects are not as big as the emotional ones, that end up potentially influencing your health. There's a constant stress and build up ,an itch you can't scratch ,it becomes a deep physical need you can't describe. Sexually, in my case, it doesn't influence my libido, it was always quite a healthy, strong libido, but it influences the way I can try to control it. Because sex is never just about physical gratification, the emotional side makes it hard to get any relief in my case, the physical release is something too much on the surface and mixed with an emotional pain that I feel when pleasing myself because I have always been the only one interested in doing that, it's all I know and I need more.

I definitely think the really great impact is emotionally based, which also involves physical reactions because touch, sexual intimacy, kissing, etc all release chemicals in the brain and body, chemicals and hormones that make you and your body feel happy, relaxed, relieve tension and stress, even help with pain and help the immune system.

Emotionally people are affected differently by this lack of intimacy and connection to another human being, by lack of a sex life, it can range from extreme effects to effects that seem to be quite small and manageable.

I definitely don't feel or think it is healthy ,mentally, to be devoid of what an intimate relationship offers but I also think that this need is not taken as seriously simply because it doesn't physically kill you ,at least not directly.

I am very much in the same boat as the OP. I feel my virginity (at age 32) to be extremely degrading and almost debilitating. I would definitely recommend therapy, especially sex therapy. Just had my first session this morning and I feel so much better than at any point with any therapist in my life. I'm not sure about your case OP, but with me, my virginity has warped my view about finding relationships and my definition of love. I don't feel any physical effects, but the emotional effects are very serious (in my case, setting an age deadline to lose my virginity or end my life).

Pegg asked:

1. Are there any adverse physiological effects on not getting any sex even though you constantly desire sex?

My answer: Yes. Lack of ejaculation can and does cause prostate problems. I've had prostate problems since my 30s, and my urologist suggested more frequent sex, which had to be masturbation for me since my wife was not interested in more frequent sex.

2. Is masturbation a complete/perfect alternative to sexual activity with another human being, as far as physiological effects are concerned?

I'm not a urologist, but there certainly are men in the world with no sexual outlet besides masturbation. I once asked a friend, who admitted that people thought he was gay but he was not, how he managed sexual needs. We were in a restaurant at the time. Without hesitation, and loud enough for other people to hear, he said, "I masturbate a lot!"

3. If not, are the adverse physiological effects on not getting any sex serious enough to affect a person's well-being (sleep quality, general health, immune system, efficiency at job, etc ..)?

I would have to say, and you admit, that lack of sex is not your only problem. Given your messed up childhood, you may suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. All of those conditions are freighted with symptoms that can trouble every aspect of your life, as I well know. My childhood was probably more benign than yours, but similar, and then I got shipped off to Vietnam where I was seriously wounded after a very difficult (although blessedly short) tour of duty.

Sex aside, I'd say that your biggest problem is getting rid of the idea that "society" should have any control over your emotions and basic biology. It seems that the ethics/morals/values that your parents imbued in you haven't done you a lot of good.

Other

Hi, You are not alone. I don't have sex either. I married a man a lot older than myself and three years into my marriage my husband started suffering with e.d. We went from having a very active sexual relationship which made me feel desired and wanted to nothing. We basically live like brother and sister now because the whole situation became really frustrating. It's hard not to feel alone and lonely and all the other feelings that you are experiencing (I get it), but I love my family so I stay

If your hairy back bothers you why don't you get laser treatment? And there are places that help with thinning hair. It might improve your appearance and your confidence. Bravo that you don't want to go to a prostitute. I think that when you find your girlfriend you will be giving her a tremendous gift that you waited to make love not just have sex. And don't give in to hate. Life is too short. See if you can muster the courage to ask a girl out on a date once a week. Chances are eventually someone will say yes, and eventually that will lead somewhere. Have a little courage. And don't just try to ask out super attractive girls. Girls don't like shallow. If someone is okay looking but a really nice person it's amazing how their looks grow on you. Which is good news for you. You seem pretty smart some girls like that. Oh, and check out your wardrobe if you are well dressed that can also impress.

I believe what you lack is confidence. You probably seem shy and timmid around women so you go unnoticed? Find something that you love to do. Softball, bowling, church. Find a passion and come out of your shell. You will meet someone. As far as dropping libido i think its a bad idea but they do use the depo shot on sex offenders to chemically castrate them. I dont think thats the wise choice though. Id go for stepping out of your comfort zone. Get a new outfit haircut and smile and be socialable. People fall in love with souls not looks. Looks get you the wrong attention and can actually complicate relationships. You think someones in love but its just lust. Get to know a woman on a deeper level than shaking her hand. Find common interests and friendship then see where it goes.

I have a sort of involuntary celibacy since I am in a long term relationship with someone who now is no longer capable of or interested in sex. I still have the close bond, love, and support, but not the physical sexual contact that I do wish I had.

For a while this didn't bother me because I was also depressed and other things so I didn't even have much desire. Now I'm trying to revive myself. I find toys perfectly fine. It is taking some getting used to, but I'm starting to feel better about it all.

I doubt that the actually sequence of arousal to orgasm really differs all that much solo v. partnered. But the effects of touch might. And certainly the psychological effects might if you view what you are doing in negative terms and want something else badly.

My story is a lot different from yours. I wasn't bullied much at school and I don't consider myself ugly or unattractive. I am 57 and I have only had sex once. I was in a LTR with someone but it was an unusual relationship. We had some sexual intimacy early on but it ended after a couple of months and after that there was no intimacy at all.

I dated a couple of girls when I was around 18 - 19 and had interest from other girls during my teen years too. But after a while when I got to the age when I might have been dating women old enough to have sex with women disappeared from my life.

I never smoked or drank and never socialized very much. I spent most of my life alone. I'm very shy around people and especially women. The high school I went to was an all boys school and the jobs I' ve had were all male dominated,so I wasn't around women very much. There have been odd occasions when I was around females and after being around them awhile I was able to talk to them and become friends but they were always married or with someone else.

I too have dealt with small penis problems. Not so much physical ones but more psychological ones. Now I'm 57 with one sexual experience to my name and not much chance of another. At my age with erectile dysfunction issues and my lack of experience and size worries I don't see much chance of ever being with a woman.

My biggest problem is the regret I feel at not having the experience of dating girls when I was younger. I love young women so much and it literally makes me sick to my stomach knowing I will never get to experience that. I feel like life just passed me by.

I've had thoughts of suicide for about 30 years now. In fact I don't think about anything as much as I have killing myself.

It does make me smile when I read guys saying "I'm 20 and still a virgin" only 20? you have a long way to go to catch up with me.

Well, I'm going on 4+ years of involuntary celibacy and couldn't be more depressed. I have social anxiety and can't just "go out" all willy nilly. I also am not interested in one night stands or casual sex. Neither do I have friends I can ask for a bit of release. I'm pretty much up the creek without a paddle on this one.