Help: I used to love sex, now I hate it.

"What is the point of sex? Is it to have that temporary moment of feeling that you are loved or is it for the physical pleasure? I see no other point to it. The thing is, I know it isn't real love when a couple is having sex... It's wanting to ejaculate..I can most definitely satisfy myself better than a man can. And I love myself more than any man can.
My love is unconditional.... His depends on my physical body & how much I put out. How is sex worth gambling your health with someone who could be lying to you about being clean, or someone who shares a cup with a person who has something contagious in their mouth?
This guy could be cheating on you, putting you at higher risk of being exposed to an STD or any other illness/disease. That isn't love. So what is the point of dating someone? The only difference between dating someone and being friends is sex. Why get feelings involved when they could be deceiving you at any moment."


This is the way I perceive sex and relationships. It came from a poisonous relationship I ended 1 year ago, along with deep seated abandonment issues & a fear of betrayal. I can't seem to stop thinking and feeling this way. I know that facing my fear dead on is usually the route to take, but I think trusting a man and having him as more than a friend will end in detriment.

I'm in no rush to date again. I am just afraid that this isn't something time can heal. I need positive & truthful opinions to dispute the seeds of fear that have been planted in my head.

Hi! I can see how you would feel this way, given that you were burned in that other relationship. Since it is taking such a toll, I suggest you see a therapist to work through it.

That said, alas, people have gotten to the point where they expect sex while dating. I agree that if you don't feel a sense of love toward the other person, then sex is just two bodies rubbing together, with all the possible negative results. And if you don't enjoy that, then why do it?

While you heal, you can take a break from dating. Let's hope at some point you will meet a guy who is willing to hold off on the sex until you feel ready, even if that is after marriage. These guys are out there!

For me sex is about love and mutual pleasure. When you have been with someone for a while you learn how to pleasure them. I find enjoyment in that. Being a guy though, an orgasm is the best part of sex for us.

I think hooking up with a new guy would kinda suck for ladies. You have no idea if he is any good or if you will find thenexperience pleasurable. He could finish in 2 mins and be happy and you'll be left disappointed. STD's are also a concern, but you could always get tested and make him get tested too before you have sex. I'm married and I am pretty confident that I am my spouse's only sexual partner so I don't worry much about it.

It sounds like you have been with a bunch of crappy guys. I think selfish guys who are just concerned with getting off would make lousy partners. For me and my wife she almost always has an orgasm or multiple. I think that makes it more appealing. I think open communication and what feels good to you helps. When I first started having sex I was pretty terible and had no idea. My wife told me what fells good to her, and that having long fingernails is not a good thing. I think she is much happier know that I know compared to when we first started. I hope things work out and sex isn't the end all be all of a releationahip. I think trust good communication, mutaul life values and goals are more important in a releationship.

I think ther is also a difference in dating someone and being friends. Myself I am straight foward and am clear about my intentions. The female friends that I have are strictly platonic. I would do more for a gf than I would have done for a friend. Now that I am married there is far more I would do for a spouse than a friend. I think friendship should be a platonic releationship. If you mix romance and flirting with friendship it puts a strain on it. That is just my 2 cents. Everyone is different and you have to find what works best for you. I hope things work out and rememeber to take care of yourself first.

Well you should condoms, which is sort of obvious, to drastically reduce the risk of exposure. In regards to something contagious in their mouth, it is actually not really good to be too clean because it leads to compromised immunity. Read this - very helpful. Dirty kids are healthy kids - the Hygiene Hypothesis Worked very well for me - as soon as I stopped using hand santizer and started limiting hand washing to when it is really essential, I stopped getting respiratory infections, and in the past two years was sick only once for a few days and that following a transatlantic flight that probably made me prone to getting sick with a virus.

And I share food regularly by eating from the same plate in a restaurant with people and never ever get any sort of GI upset. The only time I ever had any kind of problem with the stomach discomfort was when I was trying Topamax (which was altogether disastrous so I stopped).

I used to have an Indian colleague who did the same without knowing of the hygiene hypothesis (that the western world is too clean) and just because she grew up in dirty India and believed that she had immunity to all diseases. But, to tell you the truth, she never got sick either.

So all of that preoccupation with cleanliness is not healthy. Sure, testing/condoms for sex is important, but preoccupation with being too clean in general is not good.