Needing help re: virginity and relationships

It sounds as if you should either stay away from the authors of those lines, or approach them when they're not busy authoring.

Another member suggested earlier that "a lot of women don't really want a virgin in his 30's." Whether that's true or not, you're probably not looking for a relationship with "a lot of women" but with one particular woman. At this point you have no idea who she'll turn out to be, what she'll say up front she's looking for, or what she'll discover she's really interested in. If you figure out that logically she can't exist, that's likely to slow you down quite a bit but it doesn't have to be an insurmountable obstacle.

---------------------------------
Don't believe everything you think.

AK,

I got a message on OKC. The message said: "Are you truly open to any age?.." I replied back with: "Yes.", assuming that it must have come from an older guy.

Then I clicked on the profile... a 29 year old guy from my city (which is small, so I rarely get messages from my neighbors). No profile picture. The profile is SCANT. The guy reports being career-focused and finally feeling ready for online dating because he is finally missing someone in his life.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm a virgin and hoping to change that

Ironically that was something that I posted on my OK Cupid profile for a time. Of course when I'd get no responses, I changed it to a little something more mundane. Still my response to that question would get a red notation (meaning non-compatibility or unacceptable to the other person).

Part of my sad dating story was that I spent well over a year with someone who would sext me (no pics) but give me dirty messages, but we never actually met in person I feel like that's time I wasted when I could've found a real relationship.

Well, he responded with: "I'm impressed by your open-mindedness.

I'm also intrigued by your memory. What's your earliest vivid recollection?"

That is pretty good, in my book - deep and non-standard enough. But the thing is, it is true that I have a good memory, but how did he guess that? The profile is silent on that; the message I sent him (the whole message read "sure", which was meant to confirm my openness to age ranges) had nothing to do with memory/recall whatsoever. So now it is my turn to be INTRIGUED!

I did reply with the recollection of a migraine attack at a very young age - back then, I got euphoric once the pain would let up (after many hours of unbearable suffering). Now, I just get tired. So I explained that it was probably the intensity - the combination of very intense pain followed by very intense euphoria - that seared those early recollections into my memory.

So we will see.

What I do not get AT ALL is how you got no responses. I mean:

1) I was the first sexual partner with oral sex only of my first boyfriend (a guy my age who was also my first-ish sexual partner). So cool - I kind of blessed him for his subsequent love life. We were 19-ish, both.

2) I was - sort of jokingly - fully the first woman (with vaginal sex) of a guy who was then 40 and I was 26 (described above). Again, I feel good about it - it is true that all of that could have happened between us way earlier for the benefit of both of us, but whatever, at last it happened and I feel that I blessed him too (he eventually married, then after some fighting separated, but now will reunite with his wife, so he is doing well and I am glad).

3) Finally, there was a boy - my teacher's son - 5 years younger than me, who was in love with me the way such young boys are in love with adolescent girls (happened several times so I knew the pattern). I remember always being nice to him but nothing beyond that. Well, he told me several years ago (being by that time a bolding 30+ y.o. man) that I, actually, petted his head once, and it was his first erotic experience. I have absolutely no recollection of ever petting his head. Absolutely none. But OK - at any rate, if he has this recollection, it must have happened, so then I would count him in as well as somebody for whom I was the first woman (on some level, in some sense, etc. etc.). And I am glad - it must have eventually opened the door to his serious romantic relationships (he is not married, but has had a few girlfriends; he is very awkward and soft-spoken, but wonderfully smart and insightful).

OK, so (again, to qualify: on some level, in some sense, etc.) I have a trifecta of boys/men who hopefully have benefited from my being their first woman. So I am glad - I have not lived in vain. Clearly, neither of the three will ever forget me (I am on email with the latter two constantly; was out of touch with the first boyfriend for many many years, but did connect via a social network recently, on his birthday, and sent him a poem that he sent me many years ago (not his poem - just something deeply meaningful). He was very touched, expressed appreciation of the fact that I remembered the birthday, remembered the poem, etc.).

And you are basically offering to be the man who would always remember his first woman... and you have no takers. I am flabbergasted by this. It is beyond belief, to me.

Oh it is to me as well. I guess it goes back to the issue of "...how has this guy not gotten some at his age? Not even once? He must have some issues, or he's just a pathetic loser."

I had to edit my SocialSex profile because when it asked me about my sexual experience, I checked the category of "I'm a virgin, that's why I'm here." So many of the profiles I'm checking out say they want a guy who knows what he's doing or experienced. How do you get experience for free if no one wants to give it to you?

PS

It appears that the only three people who got/get it were the late George Brassens, you, and yours truly. Which seems unbelievable, on the surface. I sent the poor guy the YT link with the song, and the lyrics with translations, to "lift his spirits".

What seems especially strange to me...

... so people go to antique stores, collect rarities, etc. in other words, people, in general, sort of like and prefer rare, unusual things...

...there is a Russian expression which translates, literally, as "like dirt". What it means is that something is MORE than freely available (since dirt is everythere). The opposite of "in short supply".

So, guys who advertise themselves as good kissers, good lovers, etc. are, on OKC, LIKE DIRT. There are so many of them... they inundate my mailbox (and those of other women, I am sure) with boringest messages that I do not bother to return. Now OKC says that I need to either delete those messages or buy an upgrade since my mailbox is full. I will delete messages - it would be bizarre to pay for "dirt" .

And you are a rare gem.

And no takers.

Beyond belief.

Thank you for your kind and supportive words throughout this whole thread

I made a vow to myself that I would, if not have sex this year, at least be in a physically intimate setting by the end of this year. I can't live with the fact that at my age, not only haven't I not had actual sex, but I've never had any woman actually do anything for me that I would consider extremely arousing...EVER. Yes, a guy in my situation is rare, but with all the quality of an old stale beer. It's like I'm being teased into thinking something will happen, but I can't get out of the starting block.

Well, the good news is that I have chatted with a gal on SocialSex that says she finds me very attractive and is looking for a guy to have wild sex with. Better news is she's not exactly into a pure wham, bam, thank you ma'am deal, she wants to take it slowly. The problem is for me now not to give away any clues about my virginity by jumping at the first chance for sex. The other problem is when we do meet, how do I avoid the issue if asked a direct question (I feel like I'm asking a lawyer to advise me on how to commit perjury )