Do you worry over whether your vagina is good enough?

My penis isn't very good. I think I'm 5-6 inches which is in the normal range but I have vitiligo and it's on my penis.

When we went out on a blind date I think I was 32 and he was 33. We were soon living together and had a great relationship for 7 years, were engaged to marry but then he started using meth and became abusive and as you probably know I eventually shot and killed him because I didn't want to die. It was the best and then the worst relationship of my life. I miss the good days.

She will know that she was not picked. From there, many will take the step towards assuming that she was not picked due to the fact that her body did not meet his standards. Surely it might be a wrong assumption, but many women would still make the assumption - there was a thread on here a short while ago and the poster worried that the guy was not performing in the bedroom due to her not having enough breast tissue. Weird? Might be weird, sure, but it is what it is.

It also did the job just the way it was supposed to when the babies were conceived .

But I am with you on "not giving a thought until now", because when I read about vaginoplasty, I said to myself: "Wow. Who would have thought plastic surgeons would be so successful convincing women to alter the organs that do not need alterations. My hat's off to their inventiveness and business acumen."

Could have been IVF, HB

oops, sorry!

true

Yoda - Sorry you had to go through that.

You're fine. Some people don't want a partner with a huge penis. It can be very overwhelming and difficult deal with. I know lots of girls and guys who greatly prefer average size and even smaller.

The color of it doesn't matter either. Most people don't find penises aesthetically pleasing at baseline even if they are attracted to men. I do, but not for their color. The color of it doesn't matter at all. What matters is if the size and shape are compatible with your partner and knowing how to use it.

I never really thought about vaginas looking different until actually yesterday when I saw a video with some guys talking about "ugly" vaginas. I didn't know there was a such thing as "attractive" vaginas. They all look nasty to me. I don't even really know what to be self conscious about my vagina because I have absolutely zero idea of what an "attractive" one is supposed to look like and looking up pictures doesn't help. They are all just a slimy gross hole to me.

I am self conscious about the smell. Mine sometimes smells completely disgusting. I'm working on trying to figure out how to fix that and if anyone knows anything about vaginal hygiene, that would be great. I know not to douche or use soaps but I don't know how to get rid of the smell. I don't understand how anyone would want to lick a vagina, but hey many people don't understand why anyone would give head to a guy so it's probably the same situation.

Feminine wash like Vagisil odor block and Summer's Eves help along with baby wipes, feminine deodorant spray for down there, and using body powder without talc.

One conversation that I had with a friend regarding the Box is " When did full shaving/waxing become a "thing"? It seems that if you are dating it is "expected" that you are bare or brazillian. Is this a gen Y/millenial thing? Am I rocking a seventies thing because I'm gen x?

What do men expect re the undercarriage? Why is being clean and trimmed not enough???

I agree! I don't enjoy shaving at all, but I feel pressured by both men and women to shave.

I'm gen y and I only know one person who actually gives herself a full Brazilian. Her girlfriend likes it. Everyone else trims the hedge but doesn't cut down the whole bush. I don't really get that either. It looks prepubescent.

I'm worried about mine since I've been teased/made fun of about it. Apparently lady parts have to looks like a porn star's (sarcasm...kind of).

Anyway, if I ever have sex, it won't be with the lights on. Although, there's more to that than just my lady parts.

I'm just sick of my body/skin etc. being made fun of. I dyed my hair and it got people to stop making fun of that (I didn't dye it to get people to stop making fun of me, by the way), but society is only about looks. No matter what part of the body you're talking about. Screw society.

End rant.

It should smell fine and alluring by itself - if it smells disgusting, there might be:

- a medical issue that needs attention and that manifests itself in foul smell
- a perception issue in that your ideas (which are powerful - "a slimy gross hole" reflects the strength of your opinion because the metaphor uses strong words - "gross", "slimy", as opposed to, say, "unpleasant looking") influence your perception

Before you explore vaginal hygiene, it would make sense to first see a woman healthcare provider to rule out medical concerns, and then, should you get a clean bill of health from the woman healthcare provider, work with your perception/ideas (since they are all in your mind, you should be able to work on them on your own, without help).

If you do use vaginal hygiene products, you need to make sure that they match the pH of the vagina, or else horrible things can happen, since vaginal micro-flora is fragile and should not be disrupted. to the best of my knowledge, the only product line that sells vaginal products with the right pH in the States is sold by the Sweet Spot Labs:

Products

I use them (once a day in a shower if I take a shower that frequently, or, once every couple of days when I slack off) and they are fine - no irritation, no nothing. Before them, I used to bring products from Europe - in Italy they make those wonderful high foam white mousses for the vagina that have the correct pH - mmm.... feels much more luxurious than the liquid produced by the Sweet Spot Labs, but in terms of functionality, they work the same.

It probably also makes sense to eat lots of live culture yogurt and drink cranberry juice - the former to improve the flora and the latter to prevent UTI's. And, on the most general level, it would help to ensure that you are well hydrated - which is a good idea in any case, whether you are trying to have sex or prepare for a difficult exam. I can see how a body that is not properly hydrated might start producing foul smells.

Just wanted to mention... Baby shampoo might be worth trying for those interested. Soap and body wash used to irritate me like mad. I've been using the shampoo now exclusively for about 7 years with no issues. It's very mild.

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Yeah I know I need to see gyno because it's also frequently burning/uncomfortable down there. I've just been scared of going ever since I've learned they exist. I also do have problems with hydration so that could contribute to it.

Is me being disgusted by vaginas a problem? Can me hating the smell be a function of that? I always just thought it was a preference and not a big deal.

Thank you, notz. My life is forever changed but I don't want that to be what defines my life though. After years of therapy for my PTSD I want to move on and make the best life I can for me and my son.

Burning+discomfort DEFINITELY warrant a visit. Call the planned parenthood in your neighborhood if you do not have an OB-GYN.

With respect to preferences... it is probably subtle. A fine line between:

-- having some disgust when you think of vaginas of OTHER women as a by-product of your being straight (which would fall under your category of "preferences" and no, as such, would not be a big deal - you are right), AND,

-- being disgusted by a part of your own body, which is a very big deal because it is YOU - you are disgusted by a part of you, and that always is a big problem.

I'm beyond terrified of going to OB-GYN. I've never been there and the idea of it freaks me out and kinda depresses me to be honest.

Well, I am disgusted with my own vagina just as much as I'm disgusted with the rest of my body. So I guess that problem isn't really new to me.

I'm also disgusted with my vagina and don't want any guy touching it.

My mom always told me that sometimes you have to do what you're afraid of even if you don't want to because you have to. Burning sensations are never good. That needs to be checked out immediately.

Ok, so the disgust is not unique to your vagina - then you should not spend any time trying to overcome it since it is part of a much bigger general issue, and focusing on the vagina thing would be a waste of time - you need to either tackle the whole issue, or, just not bother with it.

Could you please list what is depressing you when you think of going to see an OB-GYN, and, say whether the fear is specific (fearing the OB-GYN profession) or generalized (fearing all doctors/nurses/etc).

Yes I agree. I'm trying to work on the whole issue. It's a very slow process.

I'm scared of doctors to a degree. My mom is a doctor and also my primary abuser so I think you can understand my generalized fear of doctors. It's not an intense fear though. I just find them to be very judgmental, cold, and heartless. I worry that they will judge me. I don't want to show my vagina to them. I don't want them to touch it. I feel dirty just thinking about that. It depresses me because if I went, they'd be the first person to see it post puberty and thinking about that makes me feel completely undesirable. I know that is a stupid reason to be sad about it.

Called Planned Parenthood and ask for a midwife or a nurse-practitioner. Or, find a local midwifery clinic or a clinic that employs a mix (midwives/NP's/doctors).

The reason: midwives and nurse practitioners are lower than doctors on both the educational and salary ladder, so, more "equal" to you. Less of an "authority" figure - since your mom and abuser are both, on some level, an "authority", you need to lessen the "authority" aspect of visiting a woman healthcare provider.

Plus, Planned Parenthood's clinicians are more used to young adult clientele, so they should be able to connect with you and assuage your fears.

My recommendation is to briefly inform the clinician you will see about the abused-by-a-doctor part of your history, so that the clinician knows to be extra gentle with you. If you cannot say it out loud, write it down in a note and give to the clinician in the beginning of your visit.

I do not get what feels dirty, but sure I do get why it would be depressing. No, that is not stupid. But look - you need to take care of burning/discomfort/smell, and without visiting a clinic, you cannot take care of those issues - so you really need to go!