[SequoiaKable]

I'm reluctant to say I was abused as a child, but my first sexual encounters were with another male my age, and it went on for a couple years. Its not something I've ever felt was "wrong", per se, just something that happened . I've never held any negative emotions toward this person, who initiated all of it, and in fact we are still friends, since kindergarten. However, as an adult, I'm very messed up when it comes to sex. All I can see is the negative, how sex is used for manipulation, control and to hurt others. Rape is a common thing world wide, abuse just rolls on to the next generation, and the viscous cycle starts over. I hate sex, even though I love it. I don't want it, except for when I do. As you can guess, the fact that I am a rapid cycler only frustrates things worse. I'm also a hopeless romantic, so the only thing I've ever wanted was a relationship, which is near impossible when you hate sex. The worst part is that it seems the only people I ever attract are women with very high sex drives. I can't keep up with that, and it causes me to have so much stress and performance anxiety. I have only had one encounter that I could say was completely enjoyable and shame free, every other time, even if we both enjoy it, there's always a part of me that feels ashamed and inadequate.Where most guys can't seem to think of anything but sex, I don't even desire it when I'm dating someone that's very attractive to me. What's wrong with me?

[AppalachianAxis]

I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of advice on how to make you feel any better but I can say I can relate.

I never had the misfortune of suffering from sexual abuse of any kind but other than that I'm in a very similar boat.
My own first sexual encounter, if you could call it that, were also with another boy roughly my own age. I was very young at the time, not yet at puberty. I've never held any kind of antagonism or other hard feelings about this as it only happened a handful of times and I know I did some strange stuff when I was going through puberty.

I too hate my own sexuality. Or rather, I hate myself for not being able to have enough will power to never indulge my sexuality. I don't think anything is "wrong" with me; this is just the way I am.
I've kept myself out of any and all relationships throughout my whole life because I knew I could never bring myself to be sexually active, much less so with someone I might care about.

I wish I had some kind of solution to offer up but I always find it good to know that there are other people out there with very similar situations.

Perhaps I see a pattern here. You seem to let others choose you as a partner rather than choose your partner. Someone can be physically attractive but if their personality is not attractive then they are a turn-off. Perhaps you let others initiate because you have a lower sex drive and less sexual curiosity.

It's normal to physically experiment as a child. I don't know if I would call it sex but I don't know what specifically happened.

I think you should see a counselor to sort out your inner feelings. Perhaps taking the initiative by defining what type of person you would like to meet and then seeking that type of person would be a good first start. It appears you may not know what type of person you want. Try finding someone with similar values and a similar sex drive.

[Big Mama]

I am kinda the same way. I really don't like sex. I don't have a high sex drive. But I was abused as a child and raped many times as a teenager. But still, I used to have sex and like it. I have never had the great mind blowing sex every one talks about. I am at a point right now where I just don't want to have sex. I have been married 19 years. We have had periods where we have frequent sex, and periods where we have almost non existent sex. I have to say non existent suits me fine. I to am a romantic. I love to read romance novels and steamy things, but I just don't like for the novels to become a reality in the bed room. I am just not that type of romantic in real life. So does that make us weird. IDK. I wouldn't worry to much. I wish I could have found a male who was not so into sex. IT would have been a dream come true. I have a male friend or two who just are not into sex. Life has treated them poorly and they have learned that they are better off with out it.(They either are divorced or had a relationship where they were taken advantage of by a female, not sexually speaking)