Extreme self hatred after masturbation

This post has been a long time coming. I don't really know what is going on with me. Recently, after I masturbate, I get consumed with self hatred. It's not like I have any moral qualms with masturbation or watching porn and I'm not hating myself for having urges or acting on them. I just suddenly get so overwhelmed with hating my body that I have urges to destroy it. Everything about my body disgusts me and I feel so ashamed for being a woman with breasts and a vagina.

I don't know what is going on. This is something that has been happening for a little over a month now and I don't know how much longer I can take it. Maybe I just feel gross because I'm still a virgin and I don't think a man will ever want me or be attracted to me. But that isn't a new thing. I've felt that way for a long time. I'm 20 years old and I've never been kissed and it's not like I'm turning down offers. Literally no man has ever even hit on me. But I really want to resolve this because I really don't want to stop masturbating because it is so uncomfortable living without any sexual gratification but I also don't want to cut myself up afterwards.

I should add that I do not struggle with my gender identity. My parents would mock me for being female throughout my childhood and that is probably what is causing my shame about being a woman even though I do feel like a woman inside.

Well - have you seen men? I think women got the better end of the deal. They're all hairy and right angles and stuff. Yechh!

lol I like the male body. A lot. Like a lot a lot. I have no opinion of the female body, I just hate mine. I don't envy men, I envy other women that look the way a woman is "supposed" to look. I'm not graceful, small, or dainty at all

Well, you're certainly not alone, if that helps at all.

A lot of people feel guilty about masturbation but some, myself included, feel far far worse.
Emotional factors can certainly come into play and I think that might be the source of your problem as your post makes it seem as if this is a recently developed problem.
Of course, sometimes physical problems can be the root of such things. Right now, I'm thinking that my own waves of extreme guilt and self-hatred after masturbation are due to some kind of chemical/hormonal imbalance or issue. Instead of feeling the fabled sense of peace and physical contentment and relaxation, I feel the overwhelming urge to scream, to cry, to punch and kick something, myself, anything.

The things is, I've felt this way forever. There was no abuse or trauma of any kind that would have altered how I felt about myself. Sounds like this is not the case for you?

I hope this post doesn't come of as too about me and not enough about you. Sometimes it helps to know that at least your not the only one who feels the way you do.

Why should anyone feel guilt about a biological urge? Because it was ingrained in society from times past. Especially in the Victorian era, when they were as uptight about sex as the Taliban is now. They had a lot of stupid ideas, like it woud cause insanity or blindness.

People have come up with a lot of stupid ideas proven wrong, such as slavery and segregation, smoking as a healthy thing, etc.

Just drop the guilt, and work on your other problems. Sexuality is normal and healthy.

I don't feel guilt for masturbating. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I'm not feeling dirty or "unpure" or anything like that. I embrace porn and sexuality just fine. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I start physically hating my body almost independently of what I did, but I suspect it has something to do with the release of endorphins or something hormonal. The weird thing is that it hasn't always been this way. This has only been going on for a month or two.

Again, I feel no guilt for masturbation. I just start seriously hating my physical body.

Yes, I have experienced abuse and some trauma but nothing sexual. It hasn't always been this way for me though and nothing traumatic has happened recently to change this.

I wonder if maybe porn is making me feel lonely because I don't have anyone to do sexual things with like the people in the videos. I have been feeling more depressed recently because while nothing traumatic has happened recently, I've been put back in the environment where it happened for a few months. I'm not in that environment anymore but maybe there is some hangover.

I don't know. I should probably tell my T. I just hate talking about sexual things with her.

Ah, well then I misread your initial post. Sorry 'bout that!

If you've got a T, Talk to her. If you can't talk to her about this stuff, then find a T with whom you can. That's what they're there to do, after all, is help with situations just like this.

Best of luck.

Try limiting your porn use and try taking vitamin b/d/fish oil. Exercising will also help.

Making yourself confident within your own body can help you feel better about masturbating. You might compare your body to the girls you see or something. Exercising also has the benefits of helping you gain more energy and self confidence.

Lots of people are attracted to self confidence.

I watch gay porn. There are no women in it for me to compare myself to.

I can try exercising more. I just hate it.

Well have you thought about possibly seeing a gender specialist you seem to show trans tendencis. I myself am a guy and just hate hate hate all my body hair I wish I could be female but eh story for another time. But I understand if the male body is what you want then its who you are and you shouldn't feel bad about that. Try the asktransgender sub reddit they know a lot more than people on a forum about this stuff

I'm not trans. I don't want to be a man. I want to be a woman, I just feel like I'm not a good woman if that makes sense. Women are supposed to be pretty and small and delicate. I'm this huge 6'1 beast with broad shoulders and I weigh a lot. Most men want a woman, not a woman that looks like a man.