On the 'gayness' scale how gay do you think you come across as.

ptangptang · Oct 19, 2013, 03:46 AM

I've started going to a camera club ( i'm a complete beginner) and 95% of the people there i would say are pretty profficient. The other night we had a 'flash and light' evening, ie things set up on tables and with lights off everyone had turns taking pictureswith diff lighting etc etc. Because i'm a beginner and feel a bit stupid anyway and because i get so self conscious ( even at 57) about being watched i didn't take any pictures. Still i have no problems talking to people and it was a night out so it was ok. That wasn't the thing.
I'm bi, not openly so only on here, but not bothered by it and if somebody said anything i would say yes i am. The guy who runs the club gave me a lift. We talk and he is very friendly. It's a friendly group. Two things he said set me thinking. 1) The lights were turned out and he said ' perhaps we should go in the toilets to carry on talking , but i wouldn't want to go in there with you'. 2) finding a chair to sit in a group he said to people ' i don't want to sit next to him' ( meaning me- What???). Both times were meant jokingly but ( to someone who has low self esteem anyway), made me think 'Why did he say that'. Other than that we get on fine. We talk about football, photography, whatever. I've never ever thought i come across as gay or effete' I want a full relationship with a woman but have certain sexual feelings for younger men. But do people think i come across as gay. Maybe i'm reading too much into it , maybe he was just joshing cos we support rival football teams and my team gave his team a good beating a few weeks ago. . Jeez, if i come across as gay i've got even less chance of finding a woman.
I thought i would post this on this thread too cos i'm interested in your responses.

devilsdoughnut · Oct 19, 2013, 04:07 AM

Hi ptangptang,

From my perspective it sounds like what you've experienced is a homophobic individual. I don't really label myself bisexual or lesbian because I'm not sure which box I fit into and indeed, whether I have to fit into one. However to provide some background to what I'm going to say, I am very feminine looking (no one has ever made an assumption) and have been in relationships with both genders and am currently in what I would perceive to be my first 'serious' relationship with another woman.

So, that said, if someone WAS to have made the same assumption about me as it sounds this man from the camera club has made about you- and made the same comments- I would have felt silently upset and challenged him by asking him what he meant by his comments.

I know it will seem a cliched response for me to say to you that it doesn't matter what he thinks about your sexuality, but it's true. From my own experience and through the experience of speaking to others, I have come to believe that sexuality really is on a spectrum. It's a sliding scale of desires and feelings, not three boxes for straight, gay and bi. It's impossible to tell you whether you come across as gay from what you've written and somebody else's judgement doesn't matter.

What does matter however is that he has hurt your feelings and made comments that are unacceptable.

Oct 19, 2013, 04:36 AM

I noticed a lot of straight are into this "Jerk off buddie" thing now, finding a guy to sit with and watch porn while they both jerk off beside one another, sorry guys but that is rather gay don't you agree ptangptang??

ptangptang · Oct 19, 2013, 10:08 AM

Really? I didn't know that. Er, i guess if they are watching gay porn and take an interest in each other . If they are straight and it's 'straight' porn nah just a boys night in. You females have your 'Avon' and 'Tupperware' parties and we have mutual masturbation.

unaluna · Oct 19, 2013, 10:15 AM

You crack me up. Forget about the dating site, you're taken!

Grey Matter · Oct 19, 2013, 11:18 AM

sorry that last comment by tang cracked me up something awful hahaha

Oct 25, 2013, 05:51 AM

I come across and nerdy and fairly gay. I am gay so it's normal that I come across that way. A lot of it is that I have odd body proportions including an odd shaped head, long arms and legs, big feet and some unattractive features like too much body hair and baldness on the top of my head. With these features, it's no surprise that I am treated as less than human in today's glamour status society. As a child even my mother once told me I was ugly.

Webgoji · Oct 25, 2013, 09:43 AM

I've been called "the manliest man I've known". So I guess I come across as so straight that I might be wrapping back around to the gay side.

I've also been called "the ugliest person I've ever seen". So yeah, six to one, half dozen the other.

MarlboroChick · Oct 29, 2013, 08:49 PM

Everyone tells me I look straight and act really gay, so I guess I 'come off' as gay. But it might be just because I make comments about hot girls, and hit on women a lot, because I dont really think I act stereotypically lesbian. Then again ive had people say that im bold, and that 'gave me away'. So I'm not really sure. But if I like the girl, I'll make sure she knows pretty quickly.

Tightslife · Nov 01, 2013, 02:24 PM

yeah, i consider myself bi and noticed that i have a knack for getting chicks and older guys attentions in the same sitting (not at the exact same time though). it confuses me so as to what they each actually think of my sexuallity.

00642 · Nov 04, 2013, 09:47 PM

I genuinely don't know. I wouldn't even know what to label myself as - I like guys but I like girls too and I crush on way more girls than guys but, you know. I find it a lot easier to be around guys if I like them that way than girls though. Sometimes I'll just say I'm bi if people ask or I'll just throw it out there and people will be like "Really?...Really?" so I guess it's a bit of a shock to them so I don't come across as 'that gay'.
Then I've had other people who've just assumed I like girls and guys too so maybe I do come across a little?
I just don't know