I don't feel womanly enough

I have an issue that I've dealt with my whole life. I was born a woman but I don't feel quite feminine enough. When I was a kid I dressed in jerseys and overalls. I didn't put on makeup till my late high school years. I don't like wearing dresses or skirts I feel it would draw unwanted attention. I don't like my hair down either so I keep it up in a ponytail all the time cause it feels more comfortable. I love wearing makeup and usually don't go out without it, but no matter what I can't shake off this feeling like I look a guy and I don't like it. I feel manly around more feminine women and I get jealous. I'm straight and I don't really want to be a guy so I don't know. Maybe it runs in my family cause my brother likes to wear skirts and says he doesn't identify with either gender. I think me and him should have been born the opposite sex sometimes perhaps we'd feel more normal.

Dang media. The world loves to define what "womanly" looks like and people buy into it. Take my wife for example. She is 5' 6" tall and broad shouldered. The only way she would ever weight 115 lbs is if she was on her death bed, but no matter how small she looks, she won't ever be "skinny enough". Just because of some insane and unrealistic view of beauty that we've developed in this society.

This, to me, would be more of a body-morphic issue really. I think you should get some real views of women and see that you really are quite womanly. It's just a feeling. Maybe even a little therapy?

Webgoji knocked it out of the park. Kudos, my good sir.

I think I read as a statistic once that what we perceive as what a man or woman "should" look like is represented by 1% of the population. It's ridiculous, and rather sad in my opinion (which is opening a whole 'nother can of worms, so I'll spare us all that argument ). The point is that so many try to emulate this one percent at the cost of feeling inadequate in who they really are. We've lost the notion of individuality in favor of emulation...and that's me going into that argument I *just* said I wasn't going to touch on. My apologies everyone.

My point is, rather frankly, to Hell with what one is "supposed" to look like. Be happy with who you are! It's you. There's only one, which is infinitely more valuable than the mass produced man or woman modern society tries so hard to churn out. If you like overalls, well then by God wear overalls! There's nothing at all wrong with that, and certainly nothing wrong with you.

Hugs,
Harley

First of all, how old are you?

If you're talking about your appearance, then it is just a self-conscious thing. Has any acknowledge your appearance?

Try wearing skirts sometimes, it can make you feel more womanly because you have to sit, walk, and do other things that the skirt forces you to do.

Try wearing your hair down sometimes (Although I find girls that reveal their neck more sexy). It can help you act more womanly because you'd have to flick your hair back. Or you can play with it. Or when you see a hot guy, you start preening (fixing your hair or brushing it with your hands).

If I want my woman to be more womanly, I'd do things to make her feel more womanly. Try to find a guy that is more aggressive, and you submitting to his aggression can help you feel less powerful.

oceanwater
if femininity is defined by dressing in skimpy cloth which barely cover ones body,flirting constantly,imitating media born "ideals",....then we have overflow of it.Have you ever noticed that woman wearing buttoned down dress covering most of her body may look more appealing and feminine then one in barely there outfit? It is not an issue of what to wear to feel feminine,it is how comfortable one is to feel feminine.
some of the factors for unconscious refusal to feel feminine are childhood abuse,traumatic events or very low self esteem,false sense of femininity being equal to weakness ,which trigger subconscious "protective " denial of belonging to whatever particular gender. And media Barbie idolization is not helping.
The thing is,no matter, man or woman,one looks feminine or masculine when he/she is confident about self,and that what people around perceive too,your confidence. YOu do not need a perfect body with perfect face and perfect teeth and exact weight to be feminine or masculine.
Try to love and respect your body(curves/no curves),don't try to hide behind oversized outfit (which seems to me what you are doing),you will not need to put on miniskirts or revealing attire,simple slacks with blouse may be very appropriate and feminine ,while not compromising your desire not to wear a dress.Femininity is not a weakness,embrace it .
I am very sure you are a beautiful person who is just trying to find her way out ....just like a butterfly ,coming out of chrysalis..
i wish you courage and happiness,be content with your body
big hugs
PS. I've been there,felt that ,so not lecturing

I guess you can dress to please yourself or to please others. It's up to you.

I dress to please myself at home and compromise with society in public.

Experiment. See what feels right.

I can kind of relate to your feelings on this. I have felt so unwomanly and downright unattractive lately. I've lost every ounce of desire to wear makeup, style my hair, wear girly clothes... and I just feel like a gross dude.

I'm sure that this is more our brains than the truth, but you're not the only one to feel it.

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Is there anything besides wearing pants which makes you feel like you are not feminine?

I wear skirts and dresses and never wear makeup, and feel perfectly feminine.

I have quoted a portion of your post and responded to it to illustrate that your list of attributes of femininity such as makeup and clothing is perfectly arbitrary.

Still, as a poster above me, I recommend that you try wearing skirts. My favorite skirts are floor length. It is your hypothesis that wearing skirts will draw unwanted attention. Test it! Maybe there won't be more attention. Maybe thete will be but you will like the attention.

What kind of body type is yours? Clothing choices should take it into account.

Thanks for all the warm responses. I'll answer your questions now.

Here's the deal I'm 28 and I haven't ever been asked out by a man. I have a lot of issues from when I was a child because guys teased me. Once we had to dance for a school performance and none of the guys wanted to dance with me. On the day of the dance I went with my hair up and lipstick on and a guy was like "woah you look good today" or something like that. In HS my mom's guy friend asked "why does your daughter dress that way?" My mother told me this recently because I have been telling her all these thoughts and she now realizes that I did dress boyishly which she didn't realize then apparently.

I do tend to favor aggressive-type guys but then again I'm an aggressive type woman in some ways but not in others. For example, I wouldn't ever ask a guy out. This desire for aggressive type men (and being aggressive myself) may also come from the fact that I come from a dysfunctional family where my parents would fight and I would get in the middle.

It is more a sensation really. I don't think the issue with me is the media hype or whatever. I just don't feel sexy or wanted. I see girls that look more attractive and I get intimidated in a way. Like I feel if I go out with them as friends I would be seen as the guy if someone were to see us as a couple. I don't even know what I'm saying here. I didn't know how to say that I didn't want to offend anyone.

My body type. Well I recently lost 30 pounds but I've regained ten in the past two weeks. I have a rectangular type body I guess? I have excess stomach fat so my hips measure about the same as my stomach. This summer I wore short shorts for the first time in years and I felt more womanly at times while wearing them.

Most people regain lost pounds, so do not be surprised if you regain 30 if not more. But that is an aside. The good thing is that your experience wearing shorts was positive. If you have at least a bit of a bust, empire waist dresses would conceal the rectangular aspect of your body type. Can anything be more feminine than empire waist dresses? If you ask me, nothing can.

Gaining weight after such weight loss is so disappointing. I lost 40 this summer, it's all packed itself back on. I understand how this can make you feel. I hate my body now MORE than I did even before I lost the weight.

I also totally understand the intimidation you feel when around other women- feeling less attractive, not as good, etc. I feel this way around almost every woman and in general find them intimidating.

Asking a guy out would be something I could never do, the fear of rejection would kill me before the words would come out lol. You definitely aren't alone in these feelings.

You say that you have a rectangular body and not much curves. I have the opposite problem. My bust is large (36F) and my hips are large (size 12), but my waist is tiny. Even with opposite figures, we both have to find clothing that does us justice. Fitted jackets that nip in at the waist and anything empire waisted can be helpful to giving you that more curvy figure.

Hang in there. Icky feelings about appearance aren't fun.

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Why is it a problem? You have a perfectly hour-glass figure.

There might be a challenge dressing such a body because most standard clothing would not fit your curvature, but that is the extent of it. It is not a problem - it is a challenge.

If you feel intimidated by women who seem more attractive to you whilst having this kind of body curvature which is decidedly feminine, then there is some psychological problem to be addressed.

Just saying - you are probably already addressing this psychological issue.

You may not see it as a problem, but I do. The same could go for your body. I might find I prefer a build like yours versus mine. My extreme dissatisfaction with my physical appearance probably stems from being raised in a family where all the women are 100 pound sticks.

I think if you learn how to embrace what you don't like (and I do too), that we'll be happier.

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I have a curvy build, too, but I very much like it. I was surprised that you don't, but I can definitely see how the family of origin, in your case, might have contributed towards your negativity.

I have some of the same problems that you do. Everyone tells me when I dress up I look like a model, but I don't like to wear make-up and I really don't have a clue what to do with my hair. I also wear jeans most of the time.
I think for me its an anxiety issue, I don't want to wear skirts or anything that will have men looking at me, because I get nervous. anyway, people are really close-minded. I have been asked if I am a lesbian because I always wear pants.... Pretty sad huh?