[Angel of Bedlam]

So my boyfriend and I have been talking about making a sex tape for a while, mainly because neither of us have done it and we just want to watch it.

Well last night was the night. We set up the phones and took a video. He looks amazing and it's so hot, I don't like porn but us together is such a turn on. My issue is that he looks so toned and fit and... I DON'T. The weight I put in back in November has only just started coming off.

How do I try and feel more comfortable with how I look on camera? It's only for our eyes but I just can't get past looking so icky.

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[Harley47]

Hi Angel. Congrats on the fun night.

Do keep in mind you're watching yourself on camera...it's you, of course, but it's not *really* you. A camera sees the world in a one point of view way compared to the two "lenses" we have. Cameras, therefore, have less depth perception, and skew depth and width to compensate. You know the saying that the camera adds ten pounds? Technically speaking, that's actually true.

I doubt you look "icky" in the video Angel. It's a unique perspective you rarely have the opportunity to see yourself in, so it might be the "newness" of looking at yourself in that moment that skews your perception. I trust you look great...your boyfriend obviously thinks so. You only need see that for yourself.

I would say though, just as far as the video goes...what type of format is that stored on? Digital? I don't mean to be negative or paranoid, and I'm sure your boyfriend is a great guy. Just be sure that the video does stay strictly between you two...were you two ever to break up and were he so inclined, the tape is a powerful tool he could use to spite you. Not saying he would, nor do I mean at all to diminish your moment, and please don't let me do so. Just within the digital age, it's very easy for things like this to find their way out. Again, do pardon any negativity or paranoia on my end...lol paranoid is a bit of a defining trait for me. Only mean to cover the bases and look out for ya, is all.

Hugs,
Harley

[danvb]

Hi Angel,

So, who thinks you look "icky"? Your boyfriend? I think not. Your boyfriend loves you as you are. Perhaps the only person that thinks you look "icky" is... who? YOU? Well, unless there was someone else hiding in the closet it looks like you're IT.

Have you talked with your boyfriend about how you feel? Wait! Don't tell me... Uh... Let me guess. That would probably be a big, fat NO. Am I right? (Humor me and just say I am...)
Well, there's that old "communications, communications. communications" thing again. Ya gotta say what you're thinking and feeling otherwise you're gonna implode!

Look, here's the way it works around MY neck of the world... Bear in mind that in MY world... Well, as my wife is always telling me, "You're practically perfect in every way!" so who am I to correct her? At any rate, my wife has put on a few extra pounds over the years (as have I) but, aside from the health issues involved with weighing more than your optimal weight, I Love my wife regardless of what she looks like. It's because I Love who my wife IS. She isn't her appearance. Would I prefer that she lost a few pounds, yeah, probably. But that doesn't change the way I feel about her one iota.
I'm sure your boyfriend feels the same way about you too. Talk with him!

So, I guess it all comes down to how YOU feel about yourself then, eh? Hmmmmm... I think you make it pretty clear what you think about THAT! "Icky" huh? Um... well, I can honestly tell you from a guys point of view, it would take an awful lot for ME to think of a woman as being "icky" in any way... No, scratch that. I don't think I could ever think of a woman that way. I might think, "she needs to drop a pound or two", but "icky"? Never.

Let's see... are you concerned that your boyfriend might loose his desire for you? Well, I can tell you that if he DOES, then he doesn't deserve you because he's a shallow jerk. But, knowing him what little I do, I would say that he's not a shallow jerk. Quite to the contrary.

Anyway, show me a woman that doesn't think she needs to change her appearance in some way and I'll show you a... well, I was going to say a "liar", but that might be a bit too judgemental. Perhaps I should just say that she may be attempting to delude others.

Every woman is a Goddess whether she thinks so or not... but then, that's just me... You might want to check in with your boyfriend on that.

Dan

[LiteraryLark]

Though I've never had sex, I too feel very icky in my skin, but as I have a strong curiosity with sex I do a lot of my own kinky stuff, and I found that buying clothes that made me look good made me feel good about myself. I have my fetish get-up that makes my guy friend speechless (we've experimented but no sex), and I recently bought a BDSM-type corset and I wore it in front of my friends and they too were speechless. But most importantly I feel good in it. And I always try to find an occasion to wear my garter and garter belt in public--I did on my birthday when I went bar hopping--and got free shots from cute guys who liked my outfit--and I'm wearing it now with my bday party and we're planning on watching Rocky Horror, so fitting.

To make a long story short (too late) try finding lingerie or outfits that you look good in. Black is always slimming. Take a nice corset (not a cheap one, investing in an amazing $80+ corset that fits and feels/looks great is a lot better than looking cheap and doesn't fit very well), a black or red garter belt, black stockings (no fishnets! unless that's your thing), kinky boots, and put on some red lipstick. Hell, I strut around like that when no ones home and admire myself in the mirror! And you can always go for outfits. You can buy them or make them yourself--I like to make them myself because they are custom to fit to my body and not "one size fits all".

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Though I've never had sex, I too feel very icky in my skin, but as I have a strong curiosity with sex I do a lot of my own kinky stuff, and I found that buying clothes that made me look good made me feel good about myself. I have my fetish get-up that makes my guy friend speechless (we've experimented but no sex), and I recently bought a BDSM-type corset and I wore it in front of my friends and they too were speechless. But most importantly I feel good in it. And I always try to find an occasion to wear my garter and garter belt in public--I did on my birthday when I went bar hopping--and got free shots from cute guys who liked my outfit--and I'm wearing it now with my bday party and we're planning on watching Rocky Horror, so fitting.

To make a long story short (too late) try finding lingerie or outfits that you look good in. Black is always slimming. Take a nice corset (not a cheap one, investing in an amazing $80+ corset that fits and feels/looks great is a lot better than looking cheap and doesn't fit very well), a black or red garter belt, black stockings (no fishnets! unless that's your thing), kinky boots, and put on some red lipstick. Hell, I strut around like that when no ones home and admire myself in the mirror! And you can always go for outfits. You can buy them or make them yourself--I like to make them myself because they are custom to fit to my body and not "one size fits all".

I've always wanted to invest in lingerie. My issue is that I don't have a whole lot to invest but also because I'm fairly top heavy (36F) and have a small waist and band size, sexy bras or corsets never fit right. My boobs are always pouring out, and they always fit loosely in the middle.

That's an idea though... I wonder if something online could fit...

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[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by danvb

Hi Angel,

So, who thinks you look "icky"? Your boyfriend? I think not. Your boyfriend loves you as you are. Perhaps the only person that thinks you look "icky" is... who? YOU? Well, unless there was someone else hiding in the closet it looks like you're IT.

Have you talked with your boyfriend about how you feel? Wait! Don't tell me... Uh... Let me guess. That would probably be a big, fat NO. Am I right? (Humor me and just say I am...)
Well, there's that old "communications, communications. communications" thing again. Ya gotta say what you're thinking and feeling otherwise you're gonna implode!

Look, here's the way it works around MY neck of the world... Bear in mind that in MY world... Well, as my wife is always telling me, "You're practically perfect in every way!" so who am I to correct her? At any rate, my wife has put on a few extra pounds over the years (as have I) but, aside from the health issues involved with weighing more than your optimal weight, I Love my wife regardless of what she looks like. It's because I Love who my wife IS. She isn't her appearance. Would I prefer that she lost a few pounds, yeah, probably. But that doesn't change the way I feel about her one iota.
I'm sure your boyfriend feels the same way about you too. Talk with him!

So, I guess it all comes down to how YOU feel about yourself then, eh? Hmmmmm... I think you make it pretty clear what you think about THAT! "Icky" huh? Um... well, I can honestly tell you from a guys point of view, it would take an awful lot for ME to think of a woman as being "icky" in any way... No, scratch that. I don't think I could ever think of a woman that way. I might think, "she needs to drop a pound or two", but "icky"? Never.

Let's see... are you concerned that your boyfriend might loose his desire for you? Well, I can tell you that if he DOES, then he doesn't deserve you because he's a shallow jerk. But, knowing him what little I do, I would say that he's not a shallow jerk. Quite to the contrary.

Anyway, show me a woman that doesn't think she needs to change her appearance in some way and I'll show you a... well, I was going to say a "liar", but that might be a bit too judgemental. Perhaps I should just say that she may be attempting to delude others.

Every woman is a Goddess whether she thinks so or not... but then, that's just me... You might want to check in with your boyfriend on that.

Dan

I have in fact told him I don't like how I look in the video, and he says I'm nuts. I know he loves me, and I don't think he'll leave me for weight gain, my problem comes from thinking he'll be disappointed in who he ended up with. I guess I just want to please him so badly.

I am back on my diet that I was on when I dropped the 50 lbs, so I suggested after it's gone again, we do another. I think I'll feel better.

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[Harley47]

Well, I admire you for your dedication to making your relationship work, and I don't discourage you, but it's important that you do this for YOU. It's like when I tried to quit smoking...I enjoyed it (and...lol still do, a bit, but I'm doing good so far! ), but I was quitting because my mom didn't approve. Trying to quit for someone other than myself was difficult. When I decided to try to quit for me, I had a lot more success, and felt better about doing it...I was a little resentful when I wasn't quitting because I wanted to. I think the same thing applies to your situation. Do this because you want to, not to please your boyfriend.

[danvb]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I have in fact told him I don't like how I look in the video, and he says I'm nuts. I know he loves me, and I don't think he'll leave me for weight gain, my problem comes from thinking he'll be disappointed in who he ended up with. I guess I just want to please him so badly.

I am back on my diet that I was on when I dropped the 50 lbs, so I suggested after it's gone again, we do another. I think I'll feel better.

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My dear woman,
He didn't "end up" with anyone that he doesn't specifically WANT to be with. I know that I'm preaching to the choir here, but, damn. I suspect that if you just be you - warts, freckles, bad breath, knock-knees and all, he will Love you JUST as you are. In fact, what WOULD disappoint him is if you decided to be something you weren't.

Anyway...

But yeah... I know exactly what you mean about the weight thing. I'm a have to sneak up on the scales anymore, so... yeah. But ya wanna know something? Well, I don't like weighing a little less than a small dinosaur and I feel self-conscious too. But... there are times when I don't feel very good about myself and I'll say to my wife, "I honestly don't see what you see in me and I certainly can't in a million years understand how you could possible Love me." And... being that she is who she is, she tells me that she Loves me. There is no why or wherefore or any reason. Love doen't work that way. It just IS. And the funny thing is I already know that because it's how I feel about her.

So... You have a man that Loves you dearly. That's the only thing that matters. Love just IS.

Oh... what he says about you being "Nuts"? Well, I don't know that I'd go that far. How about "Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! You think WHAT? You don't think you look good in the video? Hahahahaha! That's a good one! What a funny girl you are!!! You WERE joking weren't you?"

Um, truly, you really DON'T need to wait to do another...

So!

I'm sending your all kinds of sparkles, unicorns and happy thoughts,

Dan

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by danvb

My dear woman,
He didn't "end up" with anyone that he doesn't specifically WANT to be with. I know that I'm preaching to the choir here, but, damn. I suspect that if you just be you - warts, freckles, bad breath, knock-knees and all, he will Love you JUST as you are. In fact, what WOULD disappoint him is if you decided to be something you weren't.

Anyway...

But yeah... I know exactly what you mean about the weight thing. I'm a have to sneak up on the scales anymore, so... yeah. But ya wanna know something? Well, I don't like weighing a little less than a small dinosaur and I feel self-conscious too. But... there are times when I don't feel very good about myself and I'll say to my wife, "I honestly don't see what you see in me and I certainly can't in a million years understand how you could possible Love me." And... being that she is who she is, she tells me that she Loves me. There is no why or wherefore or any reason. Love doen't work that way. It just IS. And the funny thing is I already know that because it's how I feel about her.

So... You have a man that Loves you dearly. That's the only thing that matters. Love just IS.

Oh... what he says about you being "Nuts"? Well, I don't know that I'd go that far. How about "Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! You think WHAT? You don't think you look good in the video? Hahahahaha! That's a good one! What a funny girl you are!!! You WERE joking weren't you?"

Um, truly, you really DON'T need to wait to do another...

So!

I'm sending your all kinds of sparkles, unicorns and happy thoughts,

Dan

I'm feeling sparklier already.

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Women have a higher body fat percentage in general, it's one of the things that makes you so attractive. I am sure you look hot.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Women have a higher body fat percentage in general, it's one of the things that makes you so attractive. I am sure you look hot.

Thanks. I'm going to look into ways to feel more confident. My boyfriend has said thr same thing that you did (fat percentage and looking hot), but maybe finding something sexy that actually fits my frame and dropping the lbs. The video was my idea (porn isn't my thing, but the idea of us in our own is), and I want to be able to feel really turned on when I watch it with him. Right now, I mainly focus on all my flaws.

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Maybe you should visit a porn site and compare yourself to other amateur females.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Maybe you should visit a porn site and compare yourself to other amateur females.

I don't think that would be a good idea. I'd feek even more inferior!

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[Webgoji]

First, don't compare yourself to others. That's the most destructive thing women do because you end up comparing yourself to airbrushed, photoshopped, fake images.

Second, don't take your word for it. We're our own worst critics. If your BF thinks you're hot, then you are.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

First, don't compare yourself to others. That's the most destructive thing women do because you end up comparing yourself to airbrushed, photoshopped, fake images.

Second, don't take your word for it. We're our own worst critics. If your BF thinks you're hot, then you are.

It's just hard because I not only compare to the magazine girls, I compare to how I used to look. It's hard because no matter how much weight I lose I'm still going to be big. I've got wide hips, thick thighs, a rump, I'm chesty... none of those things are gonna change.

It's just hard to get all that out of my head. How do I even start?

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Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I've got wide hips, thick thighs, a rump, I'm chesty... none of those things are gonna change.

All those things are attractive to males. It suggests that you are fertile and able to raise children. Even if a man doesn't want children, these things will still be attractive to him.

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

It's just hard because I not only compare to the magazine girls, I compare to how I used to look. It's hard because no matter how much weight I lose I'm still going to be big. I've got wide hips, thick thighs, a rump, I'm chesty... none of those things are gonna change.

It's just hard to get all that out of my head. How do I even start?

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You start by not really give a damn about it. As long as you look after yourself reasonably well you're looks won't fall apart. But if you're going to compare yourself to every woman, well you're onto a loser. Because unfortunately, there will be women out there who you will think are more attractive then yourself. Your BF's with you though, and I'm sure you yourself still look at other men and think " he's hot" etc...

Doesn't mean you'd cheat though. That's just how it is.

Your insecurity though could damage the realationship. So another reason to give it a rest and if you're this insecure about your body, probably not a good idea to make anymore of these videos until you sort it out.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

It's just hard because I not only compare to the magazine girls, I compare to how I used to look. It's hard because no matter how much weight I lose I'm still going to be big. I've got wide hips, thick thighs, a rump, I'm chesty... none of those things are gonna change.

It's just hard to get all that out of my head. How do I even start?

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As IllegalToilet said, those aspects are AWESOME.

But that said, you have to start with real data. Just because you looked a certain way years ago doesn't mean that was actually better.

How do men react to you? I mean really consider it, not from a cheating perspective, but do guys want to talk to you? Do they hit on you? They're reactions to you will give you a better gauge of how you look than a comparison to a magazine model or an old image of yourself.

My wife is a good example of this. She's the same way, busty with hips and a booty. She smoking hot, but she's always down on how much she weighs, that's she's got this wrong and that wrong and doesn't look good. But when we go somewhere, guys hit on her (even in front of me!), ex-boyfriends want to get back together (yes, the star football player on her college team even) and they send her drinks at the bar. Her image is incorrect as I bet yours is as well.

So in short:

1. How do men react to you? This can be your basis for logically getting a true image of yourself.
2. Begin working on moving the logical, real perspective into yourself by countering your own negative thoughts. When you think, "I'm icky," counter it with, "Yeah, but even the guy at the gas station wanted my number."

Trust me, you're more beautiful than you know, you're just sabotaging yourself.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

As IllegalToilet said, those aspects are AWESOME.

But that said, you have to start with real data. Just because you looked a certain way years ago doesn't mean that was actually better.

How do men react to you? I mean really consider it, not from a cheating perspective, but do guys want to talk to you? Do they hit on you? They're reactions to you will give you a better gauge of how you look than a comparison to a magazine model or an old image of yourself.

My wife is a good example of this. She's the same way, busty with hips and a booty. She smoking hot, but she's always down on how much she weighs, that's she's got this wrong and that wrong and doesn't look good. But when we go somewhere, guys hit on her (even in front of me!), ex-boyfriends want to get back together (yes, the star football player on her college team even) and they send her drinks at the bar. Her image is incorrect as I bet yours is as well.

So in short:

1. How do men react to you? This can be your basis for logically getting a true image of yourself.
2. Begin working on moving the logical, real perspective into yourself by countering your own negative thoughts. When you think, "I'm icky," counter it with, "Yeah, but even the guy at the gas station wanted my number."

Trust me, you're more beautiful than you know, you're just sabotaging yourself.

I'm gonna try this. The counter thought thing. It'll be hard ar first, but maybe countering every negative with a positive like that will work.

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[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I'm gonna try this. The counter thought thing. It'll be hard ar first, but maybe countering every negative with a positive like that will work.

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It's definitely difficult, but hopefully you can convince that little inner voice of just how wrong it is?

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

It's definitely difficult, but hopefully you can convince that little inner voice of just how wrong it is?

I will try. With BPD, that can be a tall order to fill. If I can get myself down to where I was this summer, it will make a world of difference.

Everything else in my head right now is too big to tackle so I'll start with this:

My eyes are too big.

No they aren't. Being big makes them a feature and they're pretty to look at.

That's a step

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Yes, humans like big eyes in other people, although I don't see your eyes as particularly big to be honest.

Big eyes, particularly lower on the face, are seen as "'cute"' and inspire affection from others.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Yes, humans like big eyes in other people, although I don't see your eyes as particularly big to be honest.

Big eyes, particularly lower on the face, are seen as "'cute"' and inspire affection from others.

Idk, my dad told me that I had "cow eyes" when I was younger and I've always had a complex about them since. Weird, huh?

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Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Idk, my dad told me that I had "cow eyes" when I was younger and I've always had a complex about them since. Weird, huh?

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The opposite of weird really, sounds like you just identified the source of your eye-based insecurity.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

The opposite of weird really, sounds like you just identified the source of your eye-based insecurity.

Here's another:

I look gross with no makeup on.

No I don't my bf thinks I'm cuter without it.

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