Why did God make me this way?

I'm just a 19 year old guy and I have a very high sex drive. The problem is that I only get turned on by men and every time I do something with a guy I get mad and hurt myself. Why did God made me like this? I do not want to be bisexual. I like girls but sex with girls doesn't work, I can't even get hard with a girl. I want to be a normal guy who has sex with girls and gets turned on by seeing a girl naked. I want to have a family in the future, marry a nice girl, have children, but how will that happen when I'm so useless as a man? I'm so mad, what did I do to deserve this life style? Please someone tell me, ugh!

Hello wassupiig: Well, I don't believe in god so I couldn't comment on why a god would make someone different than they want to be. To paraphrase an immortal line from that old movie: "Once Upon a Time in America" ... some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths & some people get it up the ***.

I'm an old man now. But all my life I've been transgendered... transsexual, if you will. I always felt I should have been a girl. My earliest memories involve cross-dressing if you can call it that at such a young age. Of course, when I was young no one I ever knew had even heard of such a thing; or at least they never talked about it if they did. So I just grew up feeling weird & perverted, sure that no one else in the world could possibly be as depraved as me.

I've lived a more-or-less normal male existence my whole life, & never told anyone about my trans-ness until quite recently. But either because of my trans-ness, or in addition to it, I have also suffered with major depression & anxiety disorders all of my life as well. In many ways, these conditions destroyed my life & helped me to severely damage the lives of those closest to me. At this point, I just pretty much keep to myself & hope each day that tomorrow for me will not come.

So this is a long-winded way of saying that, from my perspective, there's no plan. There's no god who made you as you are. It just happened. It sucks... but that's the way it is. The important thing now is to figure out what to do with it. And for this, you need a good therapist... someone who is experienced in dealing with issues of sexual preference. From my perspective at least (which is the only one I have) these sorts of things don't go away by themselves. In fact, in my case, as I have aged, it has gotten worse, not better.

You have several things going for you. You're young & you recognize that you have a dilemma. Also you're living in an age when issues of sexuality are out in the open & therapy is encouraged. So "take the bull by the horns", so to speak, & resolve to follow this through to its conclusion, whatever that is. If you don't confront it openly, it may end up mucking up your life as my issues did mine. My very best wishes to you...

How exactly do you hurt yourself after sex with a guy?

Thank you for replying. It was very encouraging to read what you had to say, I think my only hope will be to reach out for good therapy because all this is being detrimental to my life. It's messed up how I didn't choose to live my life this way, this life chose me. Whatever made me just made me to live in misery which gets me so angry, I will stop to believe in God, like seriously. I'm not sure if I will be the guy I want to be and make the family I dream about happen but I'm hopeful that some therapy will at least fix my life a little bit. Thank you again, I will do what you say

I cut and punch myself to let out the disgust I feel for myself.

Tell the therapist about cutting and punching. Until you get a therapist, can you stop cutting and just punch? Also, have you tried a punching bag or a large pillow?

I could try that, I feel really bad every time I see those scars from cutting so I will try to stop that.

You are beautiful and there is nothing "wrong" with the way you feel for men. I hope you learn to forgive and be kind to yourself xx

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We all are what we are. We did not have a choice in how we would come out. You can't make your self gay any more then you can make yourself str8. Just be true to yourself!

Right - punching leaves no scars.

Some kind of therapy might help you to be more accepting of who you are. Simply telling a professional how you feel and being accepted can be very healing.

There is nothing at all wrong with being attracted to the same sex. Please don't hate yourself for this, you have done nothing wrong! You were born this way and have nothing to fix other than your beliefs. Please see a therapist about this and please stop hurting yourself, you don't deserve pain for these feelings.

How do you 'try' to attract yourself to some gender in particular? I don't think that's possible. you can't force yourself. You will need to learn to accept yourself.

Thing is that I dont think I will ever accept myself, is either normal life or death, that's how my mind is set right now =\

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Thank you, is hard to believe I dont deserve pain tho when I'm feeling all disgusting and unnatural, but I will stop cutting myself I'm concerned for my sanity as well

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Accepting myself will never happen, I don't want to live this way at all

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I have tried the opposite of what you want - I tried becoming at least a little bit attracted to women. No way. Completely straight. Gave up trying forever. So I confirm what a poster above

Fairyconfused supposed - that it is impossible. It probably is symmetrical - if a straight person cannot will their way to become gay, the reverse is also not possible.

I seriously think that you need to go to psych ER, for several reasons -

1. You know yourself that you are going insane
2. To be evaluated for suicidal ideation and possibly cutting/borderline.
3. To have professionals assess the degree of your touch with reality. You aren't in Saudi - you live in NY and are a young man. One can reasonably expect a man of your age and in your locale to realize that being gay is no longer tough and that you can have a fine life before you. Yet, you have this black and white thinking.
4. Black and White thinking can be from borderline.

I would go right this moment, while you have fresh cuts to show them.

Omh yes I'm going crazy I look at myself in the mirror and say awful things to myself, I sometimes shake from all the thoughts coming to my head. I really need help I will go see my doctor. It will be difficult since I have never been to therapy or anything but that's my only hope.

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Go and let us know what they have to say. Go to ER with fresh cuts - if you start phoning drs or therapists in private practice, you will get an appointment in 6 weeks. So either psych ER or an urgent care clinic.

I don't know where to find a psych ER like the hospital hopsital I go to is some pediatric center

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Do you have insurance? On the back of your insurance card must be a number. Call them, tell them that you have suicidal thoughts, feel that you are going mad, and frequently cut and punch yourself. They will direct you to the right clinic.

Omg yes thank you there's a number right there at the back. Thank you so much!

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Both roads are hard, but accepting yourself is easier than changing your basic nature.

The current theory with regard to the phenomenon of transsexuality posits that a person's sexual orientation & their gender identity are fixed at different times in the gestation process. This is why a person who is genetically male can feel themselves to be female or vice versa & why, either way, they can find themselves attracted to either members of the same sex or of the opposite sex. As an example, a genetic male may believe that he "should have been born" female. But this has no direct bearing on his sexual orientation. He could be sexually attracted to females or to males (or both, i.e. bisexual.) Sexual orientation & gender identity are 2 separate variables.

It is for this reason, also, that a person could be born male and feel like a genetic male, but be sexually oriented toward males as well. In some cases, a male with this gender identity / sexual orientation profile (which we would typically refer to as gay or homosexual) may be comfortable with this sexual orientation In other cases, a person may not be comfortable with this sexual orientation and so the person may find it difficult to accept. This may be a function of both gestation and upbringing.

The point here is that all of this is a function of gestation. It has nothing to do with "God" or strength / weakness of character, etc. Bringing such concepts into the discussion simply muddies an already complicated situation. Therapy is needed in order to reconcile how the person wants his or her sexual orientation to be versus what the gestation process gave him or her.

Ideally it may be possible to imagine that a person can simply choose whether or not abide by the imperative of his or her sexual orientation in the same way one might choose between brands in a store. However, realistically the sex drive in human beings is so strong that for a person to say: yes, I'm sexually attracted to this sex, but I'll just choose to be attracted to the other, or I'll simply choose not be attracted to anyone, is so unrealistic in most cases as to be irrelevant. Yes, there are individuals who are asexual. They have little or no sex drive at all. But this is not a conscious choice. Again it is a condition which has been "installed" into them via the gestation process.