[murasakiotoko]

I'm confused. First of all, I'm pretty sure I'm mostly straight. I like girls, I want to date a girl and I want to marry a girl. I've never liked a guy but unlike most people I know I don't hate the idea of having sex with a male. I can masturebate to both straight and homosexual porn and I thought this was normal until I talked with some people. I thought that maybe I was bisexual or something but I talked with some of my bi and gay friends and what they feel are very different from what I feel. I'm certain that I can't ever love a guy.

Now here is where it gets complicated. Although I am sexually attracted to some people, I don't really like the idea of sex(I'm a virgin). I never really understood why people want sex so much. It's one of the least important things in my life. For a while I though maybe I was becoming asexual or something but apparently you can't become asexual and on top of that I still feel sexual attraction toward some people, although very few. Also the idea of having sex without an emotional relationship disgusts me. I've learned that there is a sexual orientation called demisexual. It basically means that you are only sexually attracted to someone after creating a strong emotional relationship. This is not true for me as I can feel attracted to someone I saw for the first time.

I also thought maybe it's just that my libido is really low but that also is not true. I can masturbate more than 5 times a day ( I don't anymore). But the thing that I don't really understand is, while everyone I know is trying to have sex like it's the purpose of their creation; I simply don't care about sex. And also because I'm attracted only to very few people, it's really hard finding a meaninful relationship.

Oh and another thing is that I find "boyish" things sexy in girls like small boobs, thin and skinny bodies, short hair etc. I know this doesn't make me gay, but when combined with the fact that I don't find having sex with a male repulsive, it confuses me. What the hell am I?

[Webgoji]

You're a person that's feeling pressured to fit into some category.

Sexuality isn't black and white. You aren't just straight, gay or bi, but people fall on a sliding scale. My wife is a little bit bi curious for example. She would never want to actually have sex with another woman, but enjoys watching other women. What I'm saying is, don't worry if you fit nicely into one of the major categories. Be who you are.

Also, people have different libidos. For some, having sex is all consuming while for others ... meh ... they might get around to it. Again, don't worry about it. I would worry more about working on a positive, supporting relationship in which you develop a strong emotional connection and then let the chips fall where they may.

[murasakiotoko]

I know I'm supposed to be myself. I wouldn't want to force myself into something. I recently thought I found true love for the first time. She had everything I ever wanted and we got along really well. But for reasons unknown to me, she didn't want to make it work. Maybe that's the reason why I feel so lost. I mean how can I ever find a relationship when I can't even find someone I'm attracted to. And it doesn't end there, you need to get along, like similar things. And then the other person has to love you too. It seems too far fetched, especially from where I stand. People around me jump from relationship to relationship. I know I can't be like that. They don't really love the person they are dating, just doing what they think they are supposed to do. But seeing them makes me hopeless. They are dating countless people and still they can't find someone they really like, how can I who finds someone once in a few years hope to find love? I feel like I'm going to die without ever finding love, but I know I can't settle for less.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by murasakiotoko

They are dating countless people and still they can't find someone they really like, how can I who finds someone once in a few years hope to find love? I feel like I'm going to die without ever finding love, but I know I can't settle for less.

Ah, again it's a pressure kind of thing. The way you find someone will be the same way they find someone; luck (or karma or whatever you want to assign it to). Just using the shotgun method of "I'll date everything I can find" doesn't necessarily lead to a strong relationship any more than being careful and trying specifically to find the right person does.

For example, I've had 3 girlfriends my whole life. The third one I married and I've been married for 13 years now. My wife dated almost constantly, but didn't want to get married until she found the right person. Now she's the only one of her friends that hasn't been divorced.

So what I'm saying is focus on your relationships, focus on quality over quantity. I think this last relationship hit you pretty hard and you might consider talking with a therapist to help you through this rough patch. But believe me, when you understand that you have to work at relationships and put effort into them, you'll find that love you want.

[Malixer112]

Originally Posted by murasakiotoko

I'm confused. First of all, I'm pretty sure I'm mostly straight. I like girls, I want to date a girl and I want to marry a girl. I've never liked a guy but unlike most people I know I don't hate the idea of having sex with a male. I can masturebate to both straight and homosexual porn and I thought this was normal until I talked with some people. I thought that maybe I was bisexual or something but I talked with some of my bi and gay friends and what they feel are very different from what I feel. I'm certain that I can't ever love a guy.

Now here is where it gets complicated. Although I am sexually attracted to some people, I don't really like the idea of sex(I'm a virgin). I never really understood why people want sex so much. It's one of the least important things in my life. For a while I though maybe I was becoming asexual or something but apparently you can't become asexual and on top of that I still feel sexual attraction toward some people, although very few. Also the idea of having sex without an emotional relationship disgusts me. I've learned that there is a sexual orientation called demisexual. It basically means that you are only sexually attracted to someone after creating a strong emotional relationship. This is not true for me as I can feel attracted to someone I saw for the first time.

I also thought maybe it's just that my libido is really low but that also is not true. I can masturbate more than 5 times a day ( I don't anymore). But the thing that I don't really understand is, while everyone I know is trying to have sex like it's the purpose of their creation; I simply don't care about sex. And also because I'm attracted only to very few people, it's really hard finding a meaninful relationship.

Oh and another thing is that I find "boyish" things sexy in girls like small boobs, thin and skinny bodies, short hair etc. I know this doesn't make me gay, but when combined with the fact that I don't find having sex with a male repulsive, it confuses me. What the hell am I?

I'm not exactly sure how to answer that question for you, but I have a similar problem. I would love to date another girl, but I also would want a guy. In my current relationship, I'm in a three-way with a girl and a guy. It may sound weird, but I don't mind it. I get my straight-up fix from my boyfriend, and when I want my lesbian fix, I can go to her and do it up. When I'm with them both at the same time, I feel like I can't decide on anything. I'm so confused when I see both of them at the same time, but with one of them, I'm more dominant than anyone could imagine.

[murasakiotoko]

Webgoji

Yeah, I agree with everything you say. And the last one really hit me hard. I'm usually a shy person but I did everything in my power to please her, I probably did more than I normally could. I overcame mu shyness just to talk to her, I traveled between cities just to see her. Knowing that in the end all of that was for nothing really demoralized me. And I can't help but feel that if I did everything in my power and it didn't work, how can I believe that it will in the future? I guess I have no choice but to hope. I guess my problem has little to do with sexuality.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by murasakiotoko

Webgoji

Yeah, I agree with everything you say. And the last one really hit me hard. I'm usually a shy person but I did everything in my power to please her, I probably did more than I normally could. I overcame mu shyness just to talk to her, I traveled between cities just to see her. Knowing that in the end all of that was for nothing really demoralized me. And I can't help but feel that if I did everything in my power and it didn't work, how can I believe that it will in the future? I guess I have no choice but to hope. I guess my problem has little to do with sexuality.

I agree. It sounds like she just wasn't mature enough to appreciate what you were doing for her. As a matter of fact, it sounds to me like you did everything you felt you were "supposed to do" and when that didn't work out, it crushed you. Trust me, I know what it's like to do everything right and still "fail".

Believe me, you did great. There are a ton of women who just aren't ready for a man that will do everything they can to make their woman feel like a queen. For some reason, they seem to want a jerk, an "alpha male" if you will, that will keep them pinned down.

As I mentioned, maybe a little therapy is order to help you get your self-confidence back, then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go get 'em!

[murasakiotoko]

Well I don't blame her, nobody has any obligation to like me. But she should have told me at the start if she didn't want to as I made my intentions VERY clear. And as you say, doing everything you can and failing is a hard thing to accept. Well, I guess there is no use crying at this point. It was an experience, although a painful one. I learnt a lot of things, I just wish experiences like this wasn't so few and far between. My self-confidence is fine, I'm pretty sure there is nothing wrong with me and I'm really happy to be myself. I may even be somewhat of an egoist. But I guess some sort of ego boost wouldn't be bad.

Thanks for all the help. I feel better now that I got this out of my chest. I didn't want to talk about all these with my friends. And this forum seem like a cool place, I might hang out occasionally.

[veronicamarie]

First I want to say just because you can masturbate a lot doesn't mean you don't have a low sex drive masturbation isn't sex they are not the samething so yes you have a low sex drive nd you are not bi I don't even think that's a real thing but your open minded of the idea of being pleased by both see ppl that are "bi" are opened minded of being pleased by both sex and also seeking a relationship with both nd you are only open minded by being pleased but just because you are open minded doesn't mean you would go thro with it hence you are only emotionally connected to females and only can have sex with a girl you have feelings for so you are straight but are open minded which could lead to havin fanstasys with men which is normal but overall you do not have a high sex drive you don't crave to have sex with someone alll the time

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Malixer112

I'm not exactly sure how to answer that question for you, but I have a similar problem. I would love to date another girl, but I also would want a guy. In my current relationship, I'm in a three-way with a girl and a guy. It may sound weird, but I don't mind it. I get my straight-up fix from my boyfriend, and when I want my lesbian fix, I can go to her and do it up. When I'm with them both at the same time, I feel like I can't decide on anything. I'm so confused when I see both of them at the same time, but with one of them, I'm more dominant than anyone could imagine.

Damn that's hot. Sounds like a win-win-win. I'm lucky just to find someone attractive.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by murasakiotoko

I'm confused. First of all, I'm pretty sure I'm mostly straight. I like girls, I want to date a girl and I want to marry a girl. I've never liked a guy but unlike most people I know I don't hate the idea of having sex with a male. I can masturebate to both straight and homosexual porn and I thought this was normal until I talked with some people. I thought that maybe I was bisexual or something but I talked with some of my bi and gay friends and what they feel are very different from what I feel. I'm certain that I can't ever love a guy.

Now here is where it gets complicated. Although I am sexually attracted to some people, I don't really like the idea of sex(I'm a virgin). I never really understood why people want sex so much. It's one of the least important things in my life. For a while I though maybe I was becoming asexual or something but apparently you can't become asexual and on top of that I still feel sexual attraction toward some people, although very few. Also the idea of having sex without an emotional relationship disgusts me. I've learned that there is a sexual orientation called demisexual. It basically means that you are only sexually attracted to someone after creating a strong emotional relationship. This is not true for me as I can feel attracted to someone I saw for the first time.

I also thought maybe it's just that my libido is really low but that also is not true. I can masturbate more than 5 times a day ( I don't anymore). But the thing that I don't really understand is, while everyone I know is trying to have sex like it's the purpose of their creation; I simply don't care about sex. And also because I'm attracted only to very few people, it's really hard finding a meaninful relationship.

Oh and another thing is that I find "boyish" things sexy in girls like small boobs, thin and skinny bodies, short hair etc. I know this doesn't make me gay, but when combined with the fact that I don't find having sex with a male repulsive, it confuses me. What the hell am I?

I don't have an answer for you either, but I'm giving you my support. In high school I thought I knew for sure that I was bisexual and only dated girls in high school. Now I'm in college and consider myself predominantly straight. And now instead of believing I'm LGBT I identify more with BDSM. Sexuality fluctuates. Some people know for sure they are straight or gay, but I think most people tend to go through changes and aren't always 100% on who or what they like.

[tallboy51]

Relax and go with what feels right. It took me until age 38 to try it with a guy, am now in my 60's. First wracked with guilt, now a happy bisexual. Adore women as a first preference, but am attracted by the odd guy.