[Artchic528]

I was reading another thread on this particular forum about when folks first started developing sexual urges and learning about their sexuality. It got me thinking about virginities and how I've already given mine away (to my first BF). Now I'm depressed because I have nothing special like that to give to someone if I feel like they are "the one".

Don't get me wrong, it's nothing like feeling ashamed or like a slut. I just feel that I'm no longer able to give something special to the man I'll someday marry.

I guess I'm getting way ahead of myself, seeing as I'm only going on the second date with "D" tomorrow, however, it has had me thinking about the natural progression of relationships and the progressively more intimate encounters.

[TishaBuv]

I never felt sorry about not being a virgin anymore and I didn't even choose to give it away the first time at 16. My mother always said to me "You can give it away and you've still got it!" Regarding sex. Beautiful and special virginity...at over 30 years old?

[Artchic528]

I happened to have been a virgin until I was 27 and feel that what you said was sort of....hinting that at such an age, a person shouldn't still have that. I was a late bloomer and will not apologize for being such. There is nothing wrong with doing things at my own speed. Just because some snobs in society think that holding on to one's virginity until their late 20's and early 30's means they aren't capable of normal human interaction (aka a loser) is doesn't mean it's so.

With that said, I still feel like I have nothing super special to give to a guy anymore.

[Onward2wards]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

... I still feel like I have nothing super special to give to a guy anymore.

I don't intend to dismiss your feelings, but aren't you special in and of yourself? There is only one Artchic! I'm sure most people have done things they later have mixed feelings about or regret. Whatever experiences you share with someone else are going to be special and unique, because that combination of two specific people at that moment in time doesn't exist anywhere else.

Artchic, I really agree with:

"You can give it away and you've still got it!" Regarding sex.--and there are just some encounters that are so unique that they don't compare to others even if they weren't "the first one".

and

aren't you special in and of yourself? There is only one Artchic! --I think when you meet "the one", you love them so much that their past does not matter, only how they love and treat you and vice versa.

When I met H, we both agreed never to talk about our former BFs and GFs, and we never have, ever!! (Except for him giving me ultimatums about a former BF whenever he walked into the Officer's Club ) We know that there were others (for instance, I have come across pictures in his stuff of him with what was obviously a former GF) but it has REALLY been for the best not to talk about it. I want him to think that he is the one I am thinking of (and if I think of someone else I also know that HE was the one who loved me enough to ask me to marry him, help me out of so many jams that it would be impossible to remember them all, actions always speak louder than words, etc.) --So just think of losing your virginity as a powerful, natural sexual instinct and finding "the one" as the willingness of two people to make a real commitment to each other.

[TishaBuv]

I wasn't saying someone shouldn't have been a virgin at a certain age.

I met my h at 26. If I was still a virgin, I'm sure he would have like that and felt it was very special that he would be the one I would give myself to. But, I do really think he might have wondered if something was wrong, why I hadn't had sex yet. I don't know if he really would have even thought it was so special and maybe more of an obstacle.

Yep, I just asked him, and he said just what I thought he'd say. He would have wondered if I had a bad sexual experience and that was why I was still. He would have been fine with it if I was a virgin, but didn't care either way.

I had plenty of very special gifts to offer him beyond my hymen! I never even thought it about it that way.

[divine1966]

I am 50. I just got happily married past summer. Obviously I wasn't a virgin. Yet I have lots to offer to my husband, and vice versa. You made it sound that all women have to offer is sex and virginity. I honestly have never met any man in real life who even cared about anyone's virginity. This isn't 1600s.

[Travelinglady]

True, you don't have that to share with a man who wants a virgin (like my husband did.) But, as was said, you have you, a unique woman!

[Patagonia]

IMHO virginity is not just a penis in a vagina. Omg there's soooo much more to sex to be explored!
In the past 2 yrs I've learned that my body can orgasm 6 different ways. I've never experienced this before & im 46 yo. And this is just one small area I've learned about. I was a "virgin" in exploring energy play, different "taboo" areas of my own body & of my partners body. So I guess I was a virgin, which to me means I just haven't tried it yet.
Idk, but the best part is finding someone who wants to explore all this with you & follow you down the rabbit hole.
There's so much more! Don't get upset over a word.