[AppalachianAxis]

Has anyone attended it/ know anything about it/ how best to get started with it/ know what to expect/ etc.?

The reason I ask is because I'm thinking about maybe giving therapy another shot. Again. It's tough to consider, especially after my last T was something of, well, a complete disaster.
I only started actively seeking out help for myself roughly a year ago when I put out an anonymous description of what I was dealing with to Psychcentral's "Ask the Therapist" section. I had been, and still am, dealing with what I self-identify as Sexual Aversion Disorder/ Sexual Anorexia. The response I received recommended I see a Sex Therapist to try and get some help. It took a huge amount of effort on my part to even talk about my problems online with zero face-to-face interaction and the idea of talking to a regular Therapist about this was uncomfortable enough, so I opted to forgo the Sex Therapist at the time. The prospect just made me hugely uncomfortable then, and it still makes me uncomfortable now.

But I can't help but feel that both of my past T's, the good and the bad, have been kind of unequipped to deal with the unorthodox issues I'm trying to cope with. Maybe a Sex therapist would be the better fit to try and find some resolution? They specialize in the the psychology of it, after all.

IDK. Even after almost a year having past since I finally got my courage up, told my parents about my problems (awkward), and been to see two different Therapists, I still feel like I haven't changed one way or another. I find I'm once again sick of feeling like I'm at war with myself and I might consider heading back into therapy one more time to try and see if maybe the third time's a charm.

I just wanted to get a few thoughts and opinions on Sex Therapy specifically. If I'm going to put myself through this whole song-and-dance again, I'd like to know if I'm heading in the right direction this time.

Thanks everybody.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AppalachianAxis

Has anyone attended it/ know anything about it/ how best to get started with it/ know what to expect/ etc.?

The reason I ask is because I'm thinking about maybe giving therapy another shot. Again. It's tough to consider, especially after my last T was something of, well, a complete disaster.
I only started actively seeking out help for myself roughly a year ago when I put out an anonymous description of what I was dealing with to Psychcentral's "Ask the Therapist" section. I had been, and still am, dealing with what I self-identify as Sexual Aversion Disorder/ Sexual Anorexia. The response I received recommended I see a Sex Therapist to try and get some help. It took a huge amount of effort on my part to even talk about my problems online with zero face-to-face interaction and the idea of talking to a regular Therapist about this was uncomfortable enough, so I opted to forgo the Sex Therapist at the time. The prospect just made me hugely uncomfortable then, and it still makes me uncomfortable now.

But I can't help but feel that both of my past T's, the good and the bad, have been kind of unequipped to deal with the unorthodox issues I'm trying to cope with. Maybe a Sex therapist would be the better fit to try and find some resolution? They specialize in the the psychology of it, after all.

IDK. Even after almost a year having past since I finally got my courage up, told my parents about my problems (awkward), and been to see two different Therapists, I still feel like I haven't changed one way or another. I find I'm once again sick of feeling like I'm at war with myself and I might consider heading back into therapy one more time to try and see if maybe the third time's a charm.

I just wanted to get a few thoughts and opinions on Sex Therapy specifically. If I'm going to put myself through this whole song-and-dance again, I'd like to know if I'm heading in the right direction this time.

Thanks everybody.

its different for everyone. you go in and talk with a therapist about your sexual problems and then that therapist helps you find ways to fix your sexual problems.

example I am a sexual abuse survivor. sometimes this causes problems with my wifes and my sexual relationship. we go in to the therapist and she helps us with what ever sexual problem we happen to be having at that moment.

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

its different for everyone. you go in and talk with a therapist about your sexual problems and then that therapist helps you find ways to fix your sexual problems.

example I am a sexual abuse survivor. sometimes this causes problems with my wifes and my sexual relationship. we go in to the therapist and she helps us with what ever sexual problem we happen to be having at that moment.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate first-hand experience and advice!

I guess what I'm really anxious about is, frankly, just how, er, sexual the whole experience is.

By that I mean, does it tend to be, well, lewd in any way? I'm extremely uncomfortable talking about sexual things but I need a T who's going to be very frank and open with me, but I don't want this to get... senusal. I know that's probably a bit of a paranoid and invalid concern, I'm sure that no matter their profession, Therapists of all types are very professional, but I'm never the less till a bit aprehensive.
I also need this to go a bit deeper than strictly superficial sexual matters, this is a problem that has found a way to permeate most aspects of my life. It's a sexual issue, yes. But it's also much more than that.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AppalachianAxis

Thanks for the input. I appreciate first-hand experience and advice!

I guess what I'm really anxious about is, frankly, just how, er, sexual the whole experience is.

By that I mean, does it tend to be, well, lewd in any way? I'm extremely uncomfortable talking about sexual things but I need a T who's going to be very frank and open with me, but I don't want this to get... senusal. I know that's probably a bit of a paranoid and invalid concern, I'm sure that no matter their profession, Therapists of all types are very professional, but I'm never the less till a bit aprehensive.
I also need this to go a bit deeper than strictly superficial sexual matters, this is a problem that has found a way to permeate most aspects of my life. It's a sexual issue, yes. But it's also much more than that.

lol (laughing because I felt the same way at first)

no its not lewd, you dont take off your clothes and "do it" or anything like that.

its talking about anatomy (body parts) why they react/perform the way they do if your purpose for sex therapy is you needing educational information/materials.

its about talking about positions if you are having trouble in versatility/variety /boredom, trying to get pregnant,....

its about safety/hygeine if your problem is constant infections that are interfering with your sex life

its about foreplay if that area is something you are having a problem with.

its about how to be self nurturing, calming, setting the atmosphere if anxiety /being uncomfortable is the problem...

heres a few examples...

being a sexual abuse survivor at one point I was afraid all sex hurts. I didnt know it could be enjoyable. my gal and I would get so far and I would freeze up, dissociate, make to do lists in my head while in the sexual moment.

my gal (now my wife) and I went to my therapist who also deals with couples/sex therapy. she taught us about the body parts, how to recognize when my awareness was slipping out of the moment and into my head, having safety words that mean stop no matter what for both my wife and I, she showed us an educational film that was tastefully done, not like the porn stuff you can find anywhere, and we talked about non sexual ways and sexual ways to be with each other. we also had homework to do, lol yes homework. since I thought sex was nothing but pain I first had to learn that sex can be enjoyable by learning how to masturbate by myself, little by little and stopping anytime I felt uncomfortable.

basically you go in, tell the therapist what problem you are having and then your sessions are based on what will help you fix that problem.

[AppalachianAxis]

Thanks for the reassurances, I really should give this a shot.
Unfortunately, my upcoming schedule and living arrangements look to render making discreet sex therapy appointments next to impossible.

All the weird and uncomfortable truths about me and my sexuality are bound to come up with the people I know. Especially know that I'm about to move to University and will be spending lots of time with lots of people who have serious girlfriends and sexual experience. It's gonna be awkward waters I tell 'ya. And I'm just not too sure how to handle the conversation of "Hey, best friend, the reason I don't have and have never had a girlfriend is because I think sex is positively loathsome, harharhar."
I'm sure therapy would help, but I just don't see it happening. Oh, well.

[Confusedinomicon]

You say that your not asexual because you still masturbate, but that doesn't mean you aren't.

If you ultimately would rather have a relationship with someone who wouldn't expect sex from you, great. If you are willing to date a sexual and have sex for them, great. There are asexual individuals who have sex for their partners and they derive no pleasure from the act. Its a compromise for them.

If you tell your college friends you are asexual they may joke that you don't know until you try it. All you have to say is that it is your preference and they will most likely drop it. (If they don't, they are crappy friends.)

Teen something (I forgot the sn) is in a platonic relationship on forum that includes cuddling and some petting. He doesn't want to have sex but enjoys being close to another individual. Perhaps this would work for you, too?

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

You say that your not asexual because you still masturbate, but that doesn't mean you aren't.

If you ultimately would rather have a relationship with someone who wouldn't expect sex from you, great. If you are willing to date a sexual and have sex for them, great. There are asexual individuals who have sex for their partners and they derive no pleasure from the act. Its a compromise for them.

If you tell your college friends you are asexual they may joke that you don't know until you try it. All you have to say is that it is your preference and they will most likely drop it. (If they don't, they are crappy friends.)

Teen something (I forgot the sn) is in a platonic relationship on forum that includes cuddling and some petting. He doesn't want to have sex but enjoys being close to another individual. Perhaps this would work for you, too?

I say I'm not Asexual because, well, because I'm not Asexual.
Asexuality means that a person experiences little to no sexual attraction of any kind. I DO experience sexual attraction, quite a lot of it in fact. I just don't like it.
If I simply didn't derive pleasure from sexual acts, I would absolutely be willing to compromise as you propose. But this is not the case. Acting on my sexual impulses makes me feel terrible in a way that is hard to describe.
And it's because of that I know I could never voluntarily have a sexual relationship with someone I cared for emotionally.

It's these sorts of things I was hoping to explore, better understand, and come to terms with in sex therapy. I think the whole telling my friends thing is a bridge I can only cross when I come to it.

Thanks for your input!

[AppalachianAxis]

So I find myself debating a return to Therapy... again. My indecision lies in this:

On one hand I find myself trapped in the same cycle of hating an inborn aspect of myself that I can't get rid of, control, or come to terms with. I've been stuck with the same problem for my whole life and the prospect of being like this forever is really terrible?
On the other hand I've tried therapy twice already. I just don't know what I'm looking to gain from it. If I don't want to learn to love, or hell even learn to like, my sexuality then what on earth could a therapist offer me? Ideally they'd be able to show me how to shut down my sexual nature for good so I never have to suffer with it again but that's just not going to happen. To expect someone to pull a magic solution from thin air is hopeless.

I don't know, I just feel like I keep running in circles always coming back to square one. Does anybody think that therapy would be worth a third try?

[Middlemarcher]

I came to therapy wanting my therapist to teach me how to not have such strong emotions. I truly and naively expected that this was somewhat possible, and that it was something therapists would do. Instead, I've learned to accept the fact that I have strong emotions, and to be able to deal with it. So maybe the same could happen for you-- you want to learn how to shut it down, but maybe you can learn how to accept that the desire is there, and how to cope with that immutable fact.

I will say, and I don't know if you'll appreciate this, that if I were you, I'd be as open as possible with this therapist. (I've seen you post once that you never shared something with your two previous therapists, for fear that they'd ascribe a significance to it that you do not.) If you want different results, you may have to behave differently. Just my two cents, take them or leave them.

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

I came to therapy wanting my therapist to teach me how to not have such strong emotions. I truly and naively expected that this was somewhat possible, and that it was something therapists would do. Instead, I've learned to accept the fact that I have strong emotions, and to be able to deal with it. So maybe the same could happen for you-- you want to learn how to shut it down, but maybe you can learn how to accept that the desire is there, and how to cope with that immutable fact.

I will say, and I don't know if you'll appreciate this, that if I were you, I'd be as open as possible with this therapist. (I've seen you post once that you never shared something with your two previous therapists, for fear that they'd ascribe a significance to it that you do not.) If you want different results, you may have to behave differently. Just my two cents, take them or leave them.

Thank you.

I think I'll give this one more chance when I return home for the summer. There are no official "Sex therapists" in my immediate area but I'm willing to give regular 'ol therapy another chance.
I don't want to be sexual. It's just not "me." But I also don't want to always have this raging feeling of internal conflict and on-and-off self-hatred going on for the rest of my life. And if I don't do something, that's exactly where I'll be.

So, I guess it's back to the couch with me!

[Middlemarcher]

I wish you luck. I know a lot about raging feelings of internal conflict and self-hatred, and it ain't easy--feeling it, or working on changing it.

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

I wish you luck. I know a lot about raging feelings of internal conflict and self-hatred, and it ain't easy--feeling it, or working on changing it.

Thanks!

It took some searching, but in the end I did manage to find a certified sex therapist not a few minuted drive from my home. I'm all set up for a consultation appointment in about two week.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive. But I also recognize that unless I'm willing to try and get help, this issue is just going to get worse and worse. Here's hoping for the best.

[Middlemarcher]

I hope it goes well for you. I know it's hard. You're doing a brave thing.