[guyinlahore]

hi
a slight introduction first. i am 35 yrs old guy married with no kids.

when i was a child about 7 years old, my elder brother and his friend introduced me to marriage and sex. this was followed by getting me to suck them off. Once they penetrated me for short while. i had erections and ejaculation many times in the play which went on for many times. the method they used was that i would l lay down and they would put their penis in between my legs and jerk off that way.in addition i had to do oral sex on them.
this continued for some time. they tried to get me to introduce a female friend of mine in their play but i got scared and backed off.

what happened as a result of that was that i became submissive all the time. i had a hard time saying no. i could not speak up. whatever happened in my life felt to be connected to that incident. i felt the need to win every time. if i loose i felt the same feeling of loser and exploitation.however i could never speak up

another effect was that that incident started to play in my mind again and again. i felt like lying down and getting penetrated. when i was a teenager i used small things up my *** to see what it felt like....the same feeling came again the feeling of being away from this world but if i look at the physical aspect i never enjoyed it. secondly i started to withdraw. i never made any female friends. i felt the need to hide that secret thing and was afraid that if i open up and be like normal again i will be exposed.

when i grew up i had thoughts of the same experience going on and on like film and like someone had turned on a button and i began to doubt if i was gay. i went to a gay club / had sex and did stuff but mentally i was on torture. i withdrew even more afraid of people finding out what i was doing.....strangely people started to behave like i was gay though i never told anyone.....i gues my body language started to become like that.

i started going to prostitutes (female)....never enjoyed sex....mainly due to premature ejaculation....then got married. but still not enjoying as i believe i should have been. i still have the problem of premature ejaculation and donot enjoy much.i cannot open much to my wife. sadly we donot have any kids
i look at porn but when i am with my wife, i start seeing the defects in her body, her stomach fat, her body hair,i start feeling kind of repulse. if i look at her picture i feel attracted to her.
i have now started to have the same feelng of childhood. the effects seem to be coming back...i feel like going to some,lying down, and leaving my body there. around and letting people do stuff to me.
i donot want to but something in me wants to go to that same feeling. i want to be nude and be around nude people and let people do things to me and be submissive...this all is hurting my life

i went to a psychiatrist few years and it helped me a lot but i now feel that i am going in reverse now.now one part is making me go there again like i am on auto pilot but i am resisting.
i am very religious. after this incident i start to go overboard on right and wrong, to the point of basically not enjoying my life and making things difficult for myself.
i am not gay nor do i have any feelings. but the incident / past seems to be pushing itself on me. I feel mental pressure.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, guyinlahore, and welcome to Psych Central! I am so sorry your brother and his friend took advantage of you that way, especially at such a vulnerable age.

And, sad to say, these experiences do tend to come to haunt us and affect our adult sex lives. As you say, too, they led you to become passive.

I really encourage you to start seeing a therapist. Sometimes issues do reappear if they haven't been resolved earlier. It would be good to work through the pain and the feelings.

Also, you might try posting in the Survivors of Abuse forum here. Many of the folks there have also been sexually abused.

I hope you will be able to start working through these memories soon. Your life will be so much better when you do.

[Switch]

Hey guyinlahore,

First I'm sorry about what happened to you as a child. I agree with Travelinglady that you should start seeing a therapist, and check out the Survivors forum.

As for what you're going through now, I know exactly how you feel. Although I find my fiancé very physically and mentally attractive, I can't bring myself to have sex. With your wife, would turning the lights off help?

I think you should talk to her about what you're going through. Tell her it's not her fault and reassure her of that, but do tell her what you're feeling. That way the two of you can explore other options in the bedroom that make you feel more comfortable.

And lastly, this might not help and could make it worse, but I thought I would tell you about it anyway. Do you have any interest in the fetish scene? Specifically sub/Dom stuff. If you're at a place where you actually WANT to explore those feelings of submission in a safe place I would tell you to look into it. Those feelings are surprisingly normal, and lots of people who have never suffered abuse (including lots of men) enjoy this fetish, as well as the community that surrounds it and is quite supportive. It can be unsafe if you are with someone who does not understand you, your limits, or what they're doing, but if they do then it can be a quite rewarding experience. Perhaps check out some of the community stuff with your wife! I assure you that a married couple will not be out of place.

[Big Mama]

Welcome to Psych Central. You have a good start on some good advice.

What a great first step of having the inner stregnth to step up and speak about this. I have been sexually abused. (rape and CSA, child sexual abuse) The things you describe sound quite familiar to me. I started T (therapy) 2 years ago with a therapist who specializes in trauma's. It has helped tremendously, though I still struggle somewhat.

Some of the feelings you describe is the feelings trying to surface. You can stuff them back in and deal with them later at the risk of depression, anxiety, mutiple personalities, and numerous other things.
Your Quote:
i have now started to have the same feeling of childhood. the effects seem to be coming back...i feel like going to some,lying down, and leaving my body there. around and letting people do stuff to me.
i do not want to but something in me wants to go to that same feeling.

I belong to a site for survivors of rape and sexual abuse. It may help you. it is called: Rape & Sexual Abuse Survivor Message Board, Support Forums & Chat Room I hope you find the the answers you are looking for.