Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

~rider · 07:37 AM

Could be a cultural, thing, or just the way you were brought up. My wife has toys in her nightstand, and has talked to our daughter about them. (daughter is 23y) They joke about them too, sex isn't taboo in our family. You seem to understand it's just something in your head though, nothing to be ashamed of at all.

If you haven't been, maybe you should go to a sex toy party, it's just like a tupperware party for sex toys. You might be surprised who shows up. And you might get a different perspective on it. My wife and her friends have more fun at those things, they laugh so much. I like it cause it has residual effects after the party

TheWell · Aug 04, 2014, 07:41 AM

I've been to a sex toy party. It was hilarious.

Your fears are your fears and you are allowed to have them.

Frankbtl · Aug 04, 2014, 11:14 AM

Hi Appalachian, re: the guilt- could you print out some of the replies on here and (after you've got it!!

) if the guilt came up then just refer back to them, could help a little???
Or write down each of your thoughts/concerns as they may come into your head- and next to them something to counteract them e.g. if there are other people NOT judging me why be so hard on myself, so who am I harming.................even (!!) well at least it's not a cucumber

. Then refer back to that and keep reminding yourself of..................
And a wild thought........even give it a name if it helps

But this: "That would be a lot of money wasted in a moment of clouded thinking" it isn't clouded thinking is it??!!

. I'd say that this is the part of you that wants to break through, away from the prejudices out there, maybe?? Perhaps it's more them that are clouding your thinking??
And even make a deal/promise with yourself, if you feel like throwing it away, you're going to wait for one week (??) before you make that decision.
And in that time- you're back to us, feeling better about it and challenging those thoughts of..........again

until you get that there's nothing wrong with it/you and feel good about yourself just the way you are

And why not??!!!!

Alison

buzz bee · Aug 04, 2014, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWell

I've been to a sex toy party. It was hilarious.

Your fears are your fears and you are allowed to have them.

I sold "After Dark" and I loved giving the parties. They were a blast. I had to stop because two little kid I know needed their mommy more and My hubby was heading to Iraq for 15 months.

buzz bee · Aug 04, 2014, 03:16 PM

Did you ever think this post would get so much feed back.

AppalachianAxis · Aug 04, 2014, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Appalachian, re: the guilt- could you print out some of the replies on here and (after you've got it!!

) if the guilt came up then just refer back to them, could help a little???
Or write down each of your thoughts/concerns as they may come into your head- and next to them something to counteract them e.g. if there are other people NOT judging me why be so hard on myself, so who am I harming.................even (!!) well at least it's not a cucumber

. Then refer back to that and keep reminding yourself of..................
And a wild thought........even give it a name if it helps

But this: "That would be a lot of money wasted in a moment of clouded thinking" it isn't clouded thinking is it??!!

. I'd say that this is the part of you that wants to break through, away from the prejudices out there, maybe?? Perhaps it's more them that are clouding your thinking??
And even make a deal/promise with yourself, if you feel like throwing it away, you're going to wait for one week (??) before you make that decision.
And in that time- you're back to us, feeling better about it and challenging those thoughts of..........again

until you get that there's nothing wrong with it/you and feel good about yourself just the way you are

And why not??!!!!

Alison

Thank you again, I may do just that. I KNOW, from a standpoint of logic, that everything I've been told here is true. That it's OK, that it's normal, that I'm not hurting anyone, etc. It's just that the emotional plummet I often feel can be very strong, and it overcomes logical reasoning. However, if I had the restraint to wait a week before making any decision.... that could work

Quote:

Originally Posted by buzz bee

Did you ever think this post would get so much feed back.

I really really didn't lol. But as I keep saying, I really do appreciate all the feedback, even if a lot of it is cucumber jokes!

Aug 05, 2014, 07:54 AM

I am jealous of your cucumber

otroo · Aug 05, 2014, 11:58 AM

Here is a ideal get one of those safes for paper work that is large enough for your toy. When you are not using it lock the bad boy up. Now if you get thoughts of throwing it away take the keys to work with you and leave them in your desk until you change your mind. I would also come on here and tell us what is going on so we can talk with you. Now if you are worried about someone finding it if something happens to you write on the safe do not open. Oh if you don't have a place to store your keys get a small post office box in a town that is far enough away that it will take some time to get to and mail your keys there.

AppalachianAxis · Aug 06, 2014, 04:45 PM

I had the chance to speak about this with my T today, which was awfully nice. She didn't say yes or no, just that she thought it was I good idea if I thought it was a good idea.

I'm pretty determined to move forward! I'm thinking about taking steps though. Like maybe purchase some, well, lube first

and see how I feel keeping that around. If I'm still OK with it after a little while, then it'll be on to the toy itself.
And if I do get into one of my modes of self-hatred and guilt over it, I'm going to take the advice I was given here and wait at least one week before doing anything about it. In that time, I can come here and vent.

I must sound like a broken record now, but thanks again to all who've taken the time to reply, it makes a world of difference for me.

Frankbtl · Aug 06, 2014, 05:03 PM

Way to go Appalachian!!!! Sounds really positive, and all at your own pace.........but remember we're all here for you all the way!!

And you can do a few things with lube too, until.........!!

Alison

P.S. No you don't sound like a broken record

Great to have you around!!
And drop by anytime!! We expect nothing less!!!

doyoutrustme · Aug 07, 2014, 09:10 PM

I just watched the movie Hysteria, I thought of this thread, I wanted to recommend it!

AppalachianAxis · Aug 10, 2014, 11:41 PM

Thanks again all

I have some, er, supplies on the way in the mail

. I'm OK with it, MOST of the time. I do occasionally have bad periods where I become to determined to get rid of the stuff the second it arrives in the mail. I don't feel that way often, but it does happen occasionally.

I just have to be sure to not be in one of those 'moods' when the mail gets here. Shouldn't be hard, those thoughts don't typically last more than a few minutes. So that's something I suppose

. Once it's here, it's here, and I'll be sure to wait at least a week and talk before doing anything about it.

JoeS21 · Aug 11, 2014, 12:05 AM

I've seen the title to this thread over and over without reading it until now. I thought this post was going to be about shopping for one and I wondered to myself, "Has s/he found one yet?"

Oh boy, now that I read you post I realize it's not that simple. My impression is that it is normal for sexually active people to have a sex toy. Most people have a little box in the closet or locking bedside drawer where they keep it. Some "toys" are designed to look like something else for privacy.

I don't think it's weird or shameful to have one of those on hand. I think most people have one.

Frankbtl · Aug 11, 2014, 02:28 PM

Hi Appalachian,
Wow!! Well done!!

And IF, when they do come, the "guilt" suddenly hits then just put them somewhere out of the way and tell yourself you're not going to use them anyway AND that they're too expensive to just throw away so you're just going to have to keep them for now.............then ride that guilt out............and if you can't, that's OK, because we're here to help you ride it out!!

We'll show it, hey??!!

And, you probably know this already

but...........it is kind of natural that you're going to get pleasure from it, there are a lot of guys out there who would whatever you hear, call it biology

Find His Prostate - Male G-Spot
So nothing wrong with it, hey??!! Go for it!!!

And, keep to that week!!! And back to us if you're doubting anything, yes??!!!

Alison

P.S. Noticed those embarrassment smileys are still there!!

Time to lose them, hey??!!

muller1209 · Aug 11, 2014, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AppalachianAxis

So, this is awkward to talk about, but here goes. I'm thinking of getting a dildo again.
I've got a long history with these most infamous imitations of the male genital anatomy. Years ago I broke down and got one, just too curious to not at least try one for myself any longer. I tried it and, well, I liked it. A lot.

But after I used the toy I was overcome with feelings of guilt and I immediately threw the thing away. Some time passed and I thought to myself, you know, I really did enjoy how that felt. So I got another one. Same thing, used it, felt bad about it, threw it away. Sometimes I'd manage to keep one for a week or so, but it would always be on my mind. I was always thinking, "OMG I have a dildo hiding in my room, what is wrong with me?!" I had irrational concerns such as, "If I were to die today, someone would find a fake penis in one of my drawers." And I was mortified by that thought.
So, I haven't had one in a long time. But, thing is, that 'ol familiar feeling is creeping back up on me again, and I kinda want to try getting another dildo.

I'm taking regular sex therapy lessons, learning to try and get more comfortable and more accepting of my own body and my own desires, so it plays into that. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify a hormone-fueled whim, I don't know.

What do some of you guys think? I'm open to opinions and suggestions. And please be respectful, I know almost everyone here is, but even from the comfortable anonymity of the internet, this is still embarrassing to talk about.
Thanks!

def no shame. go for it. also using toys with a partner can be fun and a turn on for both involved.

AppalachianAxis · Aug 17, 2014, 09:33 PM

Ok, so, you all are just going to love this. After managing to keep some lubricant around for over a week without losing my cool and throwing it away, I finally bit the bullet... and tried a cucumber

.
Turns out, joking aside, that it was a good idea to test the waters with so to speak. Chiefly, what I took away from the experience was that I enjoyed it, physically at least, and I didn't feel particularly terrible afterwards. I certainly wouldn't say I felt good about myself, but I was surprisingly able to push past any real thoughts of self-hatred and just kind of move on. This is important for me as most past experiences with toying have left my in some of my absolute worst states, sometimes to the point of self-harm. So being able to just be... 'ok' with it is certainly better.
Also of note was the fact that, while it felt good, it didn't feel 'that' good. I'm chalking this up to the fact that this cucumber lacked the, er, let us say it lacked the 'oomph' of some the the toys I've owned and used in the past

.

So, there we go. Know I know a few more things. I'm more confident now that I could probably manage to keep a dildo for myself without feeling just awfully guilty about it 24/7. But now I'm wondering if I need to be spending money on a toy when I could just upgrade to a larger vegetable now and then

.

Arduous · Aug 17, 2014, 09:45 PM

I gotta tell ya, getting some toys is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
Don't feel guilty

it's human nature to be curious. We all have needs

Aug 18, 2014, 04:52 PM

Should I buy myself a fleshlight? I don't want to have the responsibility of hiding it all the time, so I am also thinking of just making myself a sex toy.

Any suggestions?

Frankbtl · Aug 18, 2014, 05:19 PM

Well........way to go Appalachian!!!! Seriously breaking down barriers there!!!!!

You're going to be our guru before long with the way you're going!!!!

So when are you going to be ordering this dildo then??!!

(Just in case you run out of anything else......

)

Alison

Myotherlife · Aug 18, 2014, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Should I buy myself a fleshlight? I don't want to have the responsibility of hiding it all the time, so I am also thinking of just making myself a sex toy.

Any suggestions?

I tried a Fleshlight. Expensive, and I just didn't get that much out of it, and I had trouble gripping it because of arthritis. My good right hand is more useful, and a lot cheaper! I ended up tossing the Fleshlight.

Other

Aug 19, 2014, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Should I buy myself a fleshlight? I don't want to have the responsibility of hiding it all the time, so I am also thinking of just making myself a sex toy.

Any suggestions?

Heard of a fee fee?

Aug 19, 2014, 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myotherlife

I tried a Fleshlight. Expensive, and I just didn't get that much out of it, and I had trouble gripping it because of arthritis. My good right hand is more useful, and a lot cheaper! I ended up tossing the Fleshlight.

Other

Haha, "tossing" the fleshlight

.

Quote:

Heard of a fee fee?

Is that what I think it means? LOL

.

AppalachianAxis · Aug 19, 2014, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arduous

I gotta tell ya, getting some toys is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
Don't feel guilty

it's human nature to be curious. We all have needs

Thank you for the kind words.

But there's that word again, 'need.' I have never been able to see my sexuality as a need. I've struggled against it for just too long and shrugging my shoulders and saying "Well, it's a need, what can ya do?" always felt like an excuse for my inability to keep my urges in check. I personally see it strictly as a want, a powerful want to be sure, perhaps the most powerful want there is, but none the less a want.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Well........way to go Appalachian!!!! Seriously breaking down barriers there!!!!!

You're going to be our guru before long with the way you're going!!!!

So when are you going to be ordering this dildo then??!!

(Just in case you run out of anything else......

)

Alison

Thank you for the support

As for when I'll be ordering one for myself, I don't know! I know which one I'd like to order, but it's quite expensive and, well, let's say it has it's fair share of 'oomph.'

Also, I have a standing invitation from a close friend to go to an adult store for the first time. Maybe there I could buy something a bit more manageable to start out with, in terms of price and, er, size. That's what the plan is at the moment anyway!

Frankbtl · Aug 20, 2014, 12:19 PM

Hi Appalachian.......if it's a "want"..........well nothing at all wrong with it being a "want" and nothing at all wrong with fulfilling that want

And good news about the invite to an adult store...........chance you may be feeling uncomfortable in there (but no need to!!

) and chance you'll want to be getting in and out as quickly as possible (but don't!!

), just make the most of the opportunity

And yes, just go with what "feels" right. You can always move on to whatever else you might want later..........sometimes it's about "trial and error" or just adapting.

Alison

TheWell · Aug 21, 2014, 06:58 PM

I actually prefer going to a store to buying anything online. The problem with online is you can't tell how large it actually is. You don't want to buy something that's ummmm too large (cough)

Congrats on not feeling bad.

Just as an aside, I hope you put a condom over the cucumber? It just makes it more sanitary. You don't want to get any pesticides inside...

A second aside, you are actually better off with a sex toy than a cucumber. I would be a little concerned that the cucumber might break. You don't want to go to the ER to get something removed. (As many others have had to do) <~~~ I dated an ER nurse for a while.

Menu

Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

My Support Forums