Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

Just a suggestion. I recently bought a Fun Factory toy that is brand new. It isn't quite a vibrator, more like a thruster. Medical grade silicon, rechargeable, waterproof. It is called Stronic Eins. There are YouTube informational videos. Everyone says how unusual and great this toy is.

I'm feeling very confident recently that I can handle owning a toy
I've managed to hang on to lubricant and at least one other explicitly sexual item without feeling the urge to get rid of them, even in during of my 'bad moods.'
Really, the only things holding me back now are opportunity and money. The trip to the adult store is still happening 'sometime' soon, I just don't know exactly when. I don't know if I'm more nervous or excited about it. Once it actually happens, I'm determined to walk out with a toy purchased.
There is one other toy I know I'd like to get. It's just suuuuper expensive! And even with my new-found sense of confidence, I still don't order it because of just how much money that would be to spend on a silicone penis lol.
Thanks again to everyone who has contributed opinions, suggestions, and advice

Well, the trip to the toy store never happened (LONG story). But I AM poised to get a toy from the safe anonymity of the internet .
I'm feeling committed but also quite nervous. Confident as I am that I'm ready to try this again. This is just something I feel like I've done SO many times before and each instance has ended in disaster. But this is something I feel like I owe it to myself to try and do.
It's odd saying such quasi-profound things when talking about a sex toy XD.

Anyway just thought I'd update! It's more important to me than I can say that I can even just blurb about what my thought process is on here.

Hi Appalachian,
Like the capitals in "I AM"!!!!
And you know you can be nervous when things you want/good things are going to be happening too e.g for some people the first date with "the perfect" guy/girl.
So let's turn that into a good nervous, hey?? A feeling of pride in yourself?? A smile??
Afterall you have come so far in how you're seeing this!!! You should feel good about it!!!
So feel free to post as many thoughts as you want on here, we're behind you, we're here for you!!

Alison

Remember there's no obligation to keep sex toys or a limit as to how many you can throw away - it's a process of discovery that can neither be rushed nor compared to anyone else's. You don't have to go for penetrative toys either - you can work your way up from electro-stim toys and rings etc. Try and keep light hearted about the whole thing, sexual experimentation is meant to be fun and regardless of whatever difficulties you might be having, sex toys are sex toys - nothing more, nothing less. Be mindful of your feelings but also how easy it is to overstate the significance of these situations. As always, i wish you well.

Well, it's done. Ordered and on the way!
I don't know how this will go, I'm seriously nervous and already feeling a *bit* guilty. But I feel like I need to try this again with all the work I've done towards trying to make peace with myself
We'll see what happens, and I'll absolutely take up the offer of coming here first to talk if start to feel like repeating my former cycle and getting rid of my toy.
Thank you so much to those who have taken the time to offer me support and advice this far! It's helped more than I can express

Very pleased for you - and i hope any enjoyment you have surpasses the guilt you're feeling. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong and we're all behind you. We're here anytime

I never thought of using a sex toy , do you watch porn while turning that on and put it on your G spot ? How do you use it ?