[LUTE20]

Last weekend my gf left me because she was fed up with me getting drunk I had been sober 2 days. I was only going to have a few bit I had enough that when I got home she realized I was a but toasted. She started *****ing about our relationship and I told her I didn't want to hear it and she ended up leaving: I told her to because I was tired of hearing from her. So she left for the weekend. Of which I had sexual encounters with other people. I went to the bad and I got more drunk and I hooked up with a guy I met back at my house. We exchanged numbers and had texted over the weekend. I don't personally know him and want nothing to do with him sober. So nothing ongoing. The next days, I had had tried to apologize to my gf so we could get back together but she said she wanted nothing to do with me and made threats. And I wasn't saying what she wanted to hear. And my feelings for her have changed a lot through everything. For one she's so *****y much of the time about anything I do. Trying to imply id be a bad dad. Like she demands what she sees as perfection and I just want to be who I can be rather than whoever she wants me to be. And she has sexually neglected me since almost the very beginning of her getting pregnant. She sleeps too early and is never in the mood. And when she is it's just bad sex. And two months almost putting up with this and it's like for nothing I don't feel she considers how I feel about things and honestly don't know where this is going to go I mean I can't imagine staying with her by next year. I just am with her due to her threats concerning the pregnancy. She's said she would get an abortion if we weren't together over the weekend and so why I've feigned this attempt to fix what i don't think can be fixed. Anyhow, I've never cheated on partner no matter what but mainly because I felt I could walk away at any moment while this time I'm sort of stuck. Last Sunday I dropped by a coworker's house and she ended up giving me oral. She has always had a crush on me. But I could never see myself having any more serious of a relationship. It's just sexual, but I appreciate the sexual attention since I don't get it from my gf and she treats me better overall. We have been friends since I started the job and have grow closer just in a friendly manner. And we know each other from work so this has been ongoing. And I feel more sexually compatible and attracted to her than my current gf now due to the lack of sex in our relationship. I know that I shouldn't have a sexual relationship with her and I have not since she decided to give me a second chance. But I'm left with being miserable emotionally sexually and physically just because I'm not married to her. But, before this whole thing we were good it's like after she got pregnant she has been becoming a different person. I wanted to ride out the storm but it doesn't seem worth it any longer. And I don't like the idea of marriage and I don't feel like it's something I should have to do.

[atomicc]

Hm.. it seems neither of you are good to each other. I say both of you go your separate ways because you're not right for each other at all.

[buzz bee]

Oil and Vinegar. No need to harm a baby over it, not its fault. Sounds like your just no good for one another. But its best to know that now before the kiddo comes.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Hm.. it seems neither of you are good to each other. I say both of you go your separate ways because you're not right for each other at all.

I wasn't done with my thread....

But apparently I can't edit.

[LUTE20]

I'm not cheating currently.

I had sexual relationships with a guy On a whim right after she left but it was more out of desperation. I have a high sex drive so going without so long of course I found the first person who would say yes. It was good sex but I am not tempted to even do this while in this relationship.

Btw I mistyped the part about marriage.

With my coworker I have not physically cheated either. My issue is that I have become more compatible with her as we both have high sex drives and my gf has been lacking in this respect that I feel like I want to cheat and I haven't quite set that boundary with my CW. But I don't want to cheat either because I don't really want to hide. I don't feel like I should. This is why I've never cheated in the past because I never felt like having something like this over my head to hide. I was always way more comfortable just being truthful and moving on. But this time obviously I can't do that.

Previous to all this I was in love with her and sometimes I wish it could be how it was but I don't really think I'm that genuinely resilient.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by buzz bee

Oil and Vinegar. No need to harm a baby over it, not its fault. Sounds like your just no good for one another. But its best to know that now before the kiddo comes.

Well before the pregnancy we had a relationship a year and a half and things went well overall. She was the yin to my yang and I never got tired of her. I still miss her. And I'm depressed that things aren't the way they were before. It's just like she's completely changed as a person. I think due to feeling inadequate to raise a child and she's just pushing this on me. I don't also know why she's not into me sexually as she used to be. We used to have a great sex life together. Now I find myself wanting it elsewhere because it's like it's dead or something and I'm still attracted to her pregnancy hasn't made me less attracted to her just her less interested in me and I felt initially like I had done something wrong. I'm starting to feel she doesn't like me though in any sense since she always complains about me.

I wish I could get out of the relationship but right now I'm basically being blackmailed and for the time being I'm stuck.

[buzz bee]

Just keep in mind before you do anything to rash...hormones are evil.

Hormones can cause some odd things to begin with. Pregnancy hormones are like a triple dose or something. They be crazy.

[TheWell]

I think you need to slow down and give your GF the benefit of the doubt. You are upset because she's pregnant and not interested in sex? Well, you created this child and need to man up a bit. I think you need to sit down with her and have a long talk.

Having another person give you oral sex is cheating.

[JLarissaDragon]

I agree with the Well on this one. Since the two of you created a child you have the responsibility to care for it and nurture it, A father needs to be a lot more than a sperm donor and a mother a lot more than a womb. Behaving responsibly means supporting each other, being faithful to each other and by the way staying clean and sober. When we take the responsibility for another life it is no longer about just us and our wants

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by TheWell

I think you need to slow down and give your GF the benefit of the doubt. You are upset because she's pregnant and not interested in sex? Well, you created this child and need to man up a bit. I think you need to sit down with her and have a long talk.

Having another person give you oral sex is cheating.

The times I had sexual relations with her were before I got back with my gf over the weekend and Monday so I didn't cheat physically. I just took advantage of my gf being gone. It's not just sex that has driven me to this though. It's how she's been acting. The things she's said and how insecure she is and how she puts that onto me. I've thought about leaving after she has the baby because I don't let people treat me like ****. Without doing the same. But like I said a part of me wishes she'd eventually be back to how she was in the past like 3 months ago.

Of course since I work with her it's a constant temptation to continue the relationship with my CW. I have not quite set the boundaries of having a non sexual relationship either though.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by JLarissaDragon

I agree with the Well on this one. Since the two of you created a child you have the responsibility to care for it and nurture it, A father needs to be a lot more than a sperm donor and a mother a lot more than a womb. Behaving responsibly means supporting each other, being faithful to each other and by the way staying clean and sober. When we take the responsibility for another life it is no longer about just us and our wants

Yeah of course we both do. I guess I didn't get where tearing someone down was part of being a good mom though or sexually neglecting one's partner which are my concerns I'm not really insecure as my gf to be a dad as she is to be a parent. For 1, I have finished college by the time the baby is born I am a homeowner with a promising job and career. Also I'm more nurturing than her. She had insecurities since she could never be a mom. A "good" mom since she's mentally been dealing with identity issues. She's yet to finish college 2 years more. And she has no job or home of her own so I can understand her frustration I just don't like how she expresses this or puts that onto me when I've been in the right and supportive since day 1.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by buzz bee

Just keep in mind before you do anything to rash...hormones are evil.

It can cause this?

Like to me I feel this may be how she felt all along or insecurities that weren't resolves. I dunno maybe you're right it's all to do with hormones. But her insecurities seem to be deeper rooted.

[TheWell]

Pregnancy hormones are very difficult and many women really struggle while they are pregnant. Give her the support she needs. She may struggle after she has the baby too. Postpartum depression is very common. (Depression after childbirth)

Support her, be there for her. These are the things a man does. It is going to be hard but she is pregnant with your child. It's important.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by TheWell

Pregnancy hormones are very difficult and many women really struggle while they are pregnant. Give her the support she needs. She may struggle after she has the baby too. Postpartum depression is very common. (Depression after childbirth)

Support her, be there for her. These are the things a man does. It is going to be hard but she is pregnant with your child. It's important.

I know but it's also a hard time for me as well. She only thinks about herself and she's forcing me to stay with her so it's kind of like she's asking for this. I give what I get mostly and what she's giving me isn't good lately.

[buzz bee]

Time for a good communication session. Not at her place or your place (or home if you live together). Go somewhere and have coffee and discuss feelings and whats going on in the back of your minds. No yelling allowed and no self defense until the other person is talking. No blaming. Make rules. Of course be honest even though it hurts.

There is a root to the problem, its stemming from something. It could have started from something small and worked up to something big. Im guilty of doing this. It builds up and then "BOOM".

This needs to be cleared before lil guy comes into your life. People have babies to make their marriage better, not a good idea! It makes it worse. Babies cry and get sick...they are stressful, and thats just the tip of the ice burg. They are also expensive. But they are so worth it.

My advise is get to the root of the problem. Ever heard the song by Pink, "Reason". That is a great example.

[otroo]

First off women are confusing pregnant or not. A pregnant lady is like a delicate flower that you need to nourish. As far as the sex issue goes you just need to man up and take matters into your own hands. Now with my ex wife and my current and final wife about three or four months into it they were supper horny and I got wore out now not all females are that way. During this time of no sex work on cutting down on drinking I don't know how much you drink but if it is only once in awhile I don't see a problem with it but if you really are wanting to stay with her try to see if you can quit till after the baby is born. I stole a book from my wife when she was pregnant called What To Expect While Expecting. This book helps explain what is going on I also suggest getting her her own copy. I would not expect to much sex from her right now but it does not hurt to ask for it every once in awhile and if it is not up to your standards looks her in the eyes and tell her how good it was and that you love her. You should also try to do what buzz bee said to do. Good luck.

[LUTE20]

Well we've figured out on both ends what we need to do to make this work and things have been going better Ive been sober and she's been less critical and I'm no longer seeing my coworker. I did have a fling with her but it has ended the relationship has resumed to just platonic and work related. Anyhow things are getting better I still feel unwanted and feel I depend on that and I don't know really how else to fill that need. But I understand that pregnancy has basically zapped out her own libido so I guess I just have to hang on.

Neither of us planned on having a child. So it's definitely not something we wanted to save a relationship. I knew initially it would hurt our relationship but felt like it was a risk I was willing to make.

Originally Posted by buzz bee

Time for a good communication session. Not at her place or your place (or home if you live together). Go somewhere and have coffee and discuss feelings and whats going on in the back of your minds. No yelling allowed and no self defense until the other person is talking. No blaming. Make rules. Of course be honest even though it hurts.

There is a root to the problem, its stemming from something. It could have started from something small and worked up to something big. Im guilty of doing this. It builds up and then "BOOM".

This needs to be cleared before lil guy comes into your life. People have babies to make their marriage better, not a good idea! It makes it worse. Babies cry and get sick...they are stressful, and thats just the tip of the ice burg. They are also expensive. But they are so worth it.

My advise is get to the root of the problem. Ever heard the song by Pink, "Reason". That is a great example.

But thank you for your advice.