[irgendwie]

I came out to my mother yesterday via a note. I gave it to her when she dropped me off at school, which I felt like was a safer alternative than giving it to her at home. At the end of the day when I got home, we talked. She asked me why I felt that way, and I told her I had felt that way since I was young. She retorts with the statement that "we aren't suppose to act on feelings," and that "God will send you to, for it says it in the Bible." She quoted biblical verses to me saying that all homosexuals, adulterers, and other sinners will burn in hell unless they pray for forgiveness and change to pure heart. She asked me if I wanted to have an exorcism, told me that she'd remove me from public school and put me into the Christian achool, she'd remove me from school in general and lock me in my room, she'd seperate me from my brothers because she wouldn't want them exposed to me, and a lot more things. At the end of the discussion, I told her that I would just pray it away and attmspt to change (which I have done over the past few years, but nothing has changed, so obviously I'm this way for a reason). My mom claimed that I wasn't born this way and that I chose to be like this because it's a "cop out". I'm depressed, and I don't know what to do anymore.

[ifst5]

I'm sorry you're surrounded by what is plainly abusive - threats to lock you up and separate you from your family?

Please contact some sort of authority about this - whether it be a teacher at school, the police, your doctor, whoever, you need support and the appropriate guidance on how to proceed.

There's ignorance and then there's abuse - if she wants to pick and choose whatever religious argument suits her prejudice then fine, but treating her own daughter like this is despicable.

Please know that one day you won't have to put up with this - there's absolutely nothing wrong with you AT ALL. If you can get away sooner i'd advise it - is there an aunt or grandparent you can live with? Make sure you can confide in someone sensible and trustworthy.

For now surround yourself with as much love and kindness as possible; depend on your friends as well as us here. Please know there are people who care for you and know your sexuality isn't something wrong and shameful

I'm sorry your mom's reaction was very hostel !
I don't know how old you are but , do you have family you can stay with where you can feel safe ?
Your mom's threats are frighting please seek help

You didn't fail ... Your mother did ... Miserably!

This makes my heart hurt for you because I endured a lot of homophobic abuse from my family of origin too.

Hopefully you can find some safe supportive people to be around until you are old enough to leave home.

I do find it sad though that you've got to live in that type of environment until you are old enough to escape.

I hope you know that you are not a failure and that you are not going to hell and that you are perfectly okay exactly how you are.

[anothercliché]

Well you were brave enough to put yourself out there, her reaction should not be your concern. You did your job, and she now has to do hers. What's important is that you are honest about who you are, and standing by who you are. In time people will either learn to accept you if they are decent, and if they don't you can just trim them out of your life, for they aren't people you need around you. Hang in ther, and stand your ground!

[Pink_Pot]

I'd second the comment about reporting your circumstances to the authorities. It's abuse! Do you have a counsellor or social worker at school you could speak to?

[Darvula]

Hi Irgendwie. My heart goes out to you. How old are you? The other members are right - you haven't failed - your mum has failed. She doesn't understand and is just clinging to religion as a way of coping with this situation. She is out of her depth. You have done nothing wrong and everything right. You've told her the truth and have given her the opportunity to do the right thing, but sadly she isn't up to that. It may seem like hell at the moment, but this will all pass. You need to be patient with her, because she is the child in this situation, not you. That said, depending on how old you are you need to think about talking to someone in a position of responsibility who could help you, especially if your mum actually does what she threatens. You do not need to put up with abuse. Is there a teacher or other adult who you can trust and talk to about this?

Darvula