Too old to be sexually confused

I wonder...I have had lots of dreams involving being sexual with women, way more dreams about them than men. At age 15ish I had a friend that I felt very aroused about when we were together, she never knew that. I always thought she was very beautiful. Had a strange experience with another friend around 16. Then it all faded away. At some point later in life I started having the dreams. When I had a total breakdown, the real life urges came back. I had some crushes that I never acted on, which came out of nowhere. Mind you I do live in the south, the bible belt where this type of behavior is frowned upon highly!

There were lots of fantasies and dreams over the years, then about 3 years ago after going through a major emotional break down, I was going out and being very promiscuous and finally got to be with a woman. I was thrilled at the time. First was a threesome with a married couple, definitely do NOT recommend that! Ever. A few dates with women from the internet. I think that there was always something not quite right about me for the others, it just never worked out for me.

The last 3 years, I have felt zero sexual feelings until now with the sex dreams. I like them and have begun to entertain the idea again. I have thought that my mental illness has killed my sex life, even felt like I was having an existential crisis. So really it's hard to know who or what I am. I am still maybe slightly attractive but I guess too overweight to get asked out for anything. Having said that, I have seen people twice my size with dates and husbands! I never have understood my lack of appeal to others, I used to have a very strong sex drive and I guess there is still a little flicker left.

Call me confused...at age 50 something! Yikes

I'm in my fifties and I'm certainly not too old for sex.

Number 1, I am guessing that you are male. "big poppa" indicates that. Men seem to have an endless supply of the need and want for sex.

Number 2, I never said I was too old for sex. Being female and going through the hormonal changes with menopause messes up your sex drive. Although I do not think my is completely gone at times

Number 3, I was trying to figure out exactly where I stand in regards to my sexual preference(s). Although if other responses are similar to this one, I won't get much help I fear.

Some people never fully understand their sexuality. It's not exactly an easy subject - there are many subsets, many contributing factors, individual biology and personal experience to take into account.

The best way to at least attempt to work things out, is to actually try them. If you feel you'd like to act upon your fantasies then do so - who are you hurting? You're at the time of life when you've worked hard, you've already dealt with the expectations of others for a long time. Now should be about doing what you want. You're never too old to at least try. Figure out more closely what it is you'd prefer e.g sexual encounters or a relationship and then maybe look online for the right way to put yourself out there. There might be a lesbian/bi/curious meet up sight for 50+ women. What about online support groups? There must be something out there for ladies of a certain age that are still coming to terms with sexuality etc. Previous generations have found it more difficult to express this sort of thing - acceptance has only started to gain pace in more recent years. So the fears you have are totally understandable but there are outlets - it's merely a case of finding them.

Perhaps you could seek professional input if this is something particularly concerning for you? I'm sorry if my suggestions have not been too helpful - i hope other posters have something to contribute to your thread. All the best.

Sounds like you have not found the right person man or woman to give you that feeling , that your looking for , once you find the right person it will just click and you will know .

You are right about that! I think it would be on an individual basis, the sex component of a relationship is only one fraction of what it takes for a relationship, as you know. Some people base it all on sex in the beginning. Sometimes that work, sometimes not.

Because of the nature of my history with the opposite sex, I have a lot of feelings of strong dislike for them. From what I understand, you attract exactly the type of dysfunctional mate that you have always dealt with. That is not such a good outlook. Most men my age are gross and disgusting. However, I think I am no prize right now and don't know why anyone would want to hang around me, I don't even want to but have no choice. I know that the low self esteem does not help attract anyone, and here I go back into the circle.

I can never seem to get to the point that I like myself and I think I want someone to show they care for me so I will care for me. Another person cannot tell you who you are, so I guess I am stuck. I've been trying for years to build up my self esteem but it is just not happening. I guess the dreams make me realize that I do long for someone to love me.

First thing you need to do and it's not easy but you need to love yourself take care of U first . I am sure there are tones of self help books to love yourself . Or maybe see a T for help .
Once you have confidence it will shine thew you and attract people .

Take one step at a time so it's not overwhelming ..
You never know when love will hit you and when it dose you want to be ready so you can put 100% into it .

I'm sorry I have offended you.

Though I am a little miffed that you discount my experience just because I am male.

You did not offend me, I was just hoping for a more solid answer to my issue. Plus it was 3:30 am, not a happy time of the day.

I don't discount your answer because you are male, lucky for you guys, you don't lose most of your sexual desire due to a hormone upheaval. I guess my problem is more geared toward a female point of view. Thanks and sorry if I came across harsh.

Personally I would offer that you shouldn't try to fit yourself into a category. We like things to be in their neat little boxes, but sexuality is on such a sliding scale. If you notice a man (online or wherever) that you find attractive and interesting, strike up a conversation. If you notice a woman that you find attractive and interesting, strike up a conversation. As other posters have said, keep working with yourself and having compassion for yourself and things will come along.