I can't orgasm

When I first started masturbating, I could orgasm and really feel it afterwards. But now, I can't orgasm at all. I've tried using different toys and I can feel the point where I'm "finished" but no great lingering feeling or climax anymore. It's unsatisfying and it's more of something I do when I'm really bored. I've had sex with two men, one where I thought I could orgasm but he stopped too soon, and the other came in thirty seconds and didn't bother to let me orgasm (and it was too painful for me to enjoy it). What's the problem?

DrSkipper,
I'm sure if I read all of your posts I could get an idea of your age or physical situation, but sadly I didn't. However, I truly do understand what you are going through even though I am a man. I too have problems with orgasms. Sometimes I can't ejaculate at all, and sometime I ejaculate WITHOUT an orgasm. Talk about being disappointed. I have lost the feeling in my penis due to a back injury and sexual activity is no where as pleasurable as it was, and from my previous statement, there is no guarantee of a satisfying result.

However, I have been married for almost two decades, have two "grown" kids and my wife I have a sex about 3-5 times a year. So what I have learned is that I can be intimate and have sex without the expectation of an orgasm. I know that women in general are faced with this more often than men, but it is a mindset that I have HAD to accept. I don't feel the penetration, or the feeling of my wife's vagina, or potentially even the orgasm. So why try? Well, I just do and one of the best instances of sex in our relationship happened after I accepted this...I just went on for a long time...pleasuring my wife...until she was satisfied...just like in "the movies".

I'm saying all this to let you know that one doesn't have to orgasm to be intimate and have sex. There is no good reason to get overly down over this...I did and I avoided sex for almost 9 months. I was the one that lost out.

I hope this helps.

Not that I'm a sex therapist, but it could be any number of things.

1. It sounds like you've had lousy lovers in men. The rule is "Don't come up until you see the whites of her eyes!" So those instances had nothing to do with you, but them just being a terrible lay.
2. If you are taking any antidepressants, those can cause delayed or other orgasmic disorders. So instead of riding the wave after an orgasm, you'll get a "Hey, all done down here. Can we get nachos now?" So medication is something to check.
3. You said it's something for when you get bored. Mental arousal is very important to pushing up to and over that edge and the longer it goes, the more you program yourself. This is something a therapist can help with as I'm guessing if it's this, then you've having something similar to "performance anxiety" in men where they can't orgasm either.

Have you tried Tabasco Sauce

Are you using porn or fantasy, or is it all a physical act? Getting into it mentally before starting helps me - or if with a partner, more foreplay. Also, what Webgoji said!

I have the same problem, but for me, it hurts too much to continue anything long enough for me to orgasm (and I mean everything…not just different forms of penetration). I guess I can orgasm on my own at the moment, but I've had times where I couldn't then either. I didn't do anything in particular to start having orgasms again…they just suddenly happened. I think this is an all too common experience…I would be surprised if most women have orgasms at all ever and I absolutely don't think it's possible with a partner (especially a guy).

I have orgasms all the time with my male partner. From penetrative-only sex. So it's possible.

I'm 21, only have been with two men, both hookups. I don't watch much porn, although I used to watch it a lot at one point. I usually fantasize about my favorite celebrity. I do quite a bit of my own personal foreplay before masturbating to put me in the right mindset. But I have used penetrative toys vaginally and anally with no luck, ever.

BWAHAHAHA!!!

This is true. The clitoris extends in and then splits. Usually at around 2 inches in, it dips close to the vaginal wall (thus what is known as the G-spot). If a woman's internal structure dips close enough and her partner is able to hit that spot, then an orgasm can be achieved through penetration only.

It's not really easy to hit that spot from penetration only, but can be done.

There have been less than a handful of occasions my wife hasn't had an orgasm when we've had sex over the course of 14 years. I take her satisfaction very seriously.

Good on you Webgoji, I'm sure many men take their wife's sexual satisfaction seriously. I suffered from premature ejaculation for most of my life...well right up to my back injury taking away feeling in my penis. All those years I focussed on fulfilling my wife's needs, because when it was time for me, I'd be done in less than a minute. Even with my loss of sensation, I still focus on my wife, since there's little hope for me. I would guess that in almost two decades of marriage, that my wife has failed to orgasm less than a dozen times; sadly though I've failed more than that in the past 4 years.

To be honest, it takes time, patience and a partner that is willing to work with you. If one partner can't orgasm, it should be a team effort to find ways to ensure both partners can be satisfied. DrSkipper shouldn't be in this alone.

Well said!

This is such a crucial point!!! It's SO important to make sex enjoyable and fulfilling for both parties. Thanks to bixkf for explaining it clearly.