[lunatic soul]

I had sex for above 5 times (I'm not counting times when we almost did it), it always was painful, it was so painful that I cried.
My girlfriends don't like to talk about this stuff, one told me she felt pain when she lost her virginity but second time there were no pain.
Have you ever felt pain during sex? How many times you had to sleep with guy not to feel pain?

I saw a gynecologist. I felt pain when she looked there, it was horrible pain and I cried because it was so painful. She was even scared that I'm virgin at this moment. She put her finger inside me, it wasn't that painful but it was painful.
I cried and told her how horrible it is when you want to have sex with your man but these pain are stopping you.
She suggested me to put my fingers there like masturbating but I know I just can't do this because it's too painful.

I'm desperate because I want sex but I can't. I don't know what to do, it seems hopeless and it makes me want to die.
I think it's physical issue, everything there is so small. I don't have boyfriend anymore and I'm scared to sleep with anyone because I can't stand this pain, it feels like knife there.

I talked about this to my group T (she is female) but she didn't tell me anything useful just- she wasn't right guy for you. Yes, he isn't but why, oh why it hurts so much even if someone puts only a finger there.

I feel dumb. I realized I know nothing about it and nobody tells me.
I need someone who could share her experience and help me.

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I had sex for above 5 times (I'm not counting times when we almost did it), it always was painful, it was so painful that I cried.
My girlfriends don't like to talk about this stuff, one told me she felt pain when she lost her virginity but second time there were no pain.
Have you ever felt pain during sex? How many times you had to sleep with guy not to feel pain?

I saw a gynecologist. I felt pain when she looked there, it was horrible pain and I cried because it was so painful. She was even scared that I'm virgin at this moment. She put her finger inside me, it wasn't that painful but it was painful.
I cried and told her how horrible it is when you want to have sex with your man but these pain are stopping you.
She suggested me to put my fingers there like masturbating but I know I just can't do this because it's too painful.

I'm desperate because I want sex but I can't. I don't know what to do, it seems hopeless and it makes me want to die.
I think it's physical issue, everything there is so small. I don't have boyfriend anymore and I'm scared to sleep with anyone because I can't stand this pain, it feels like knife there.

I talked about this to my group T (she is female) but she didn't tell me anything useful just- she wasn't right guy for you. Yes, he isn't but why, oh why it hurts so much even if someone puts only a finger there.

I feel dumb. I realized I know nothing about it and nobody tells me.
I need someone who could share her experience and help me.

by all means, i am not a doctor but this sounds like vaginismus. i will link you a few websites so you can further educate yourself and maybe talk to your doctor about it.

Vaginismus: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-causes

both of these sites are pretty informational, hope you figure out what is wrong - it is not the end of the world.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

by all means, i am not a doctor but this sounds like vaginismus. i will link you a few websites so you can further educate yourself and maybe talk to your doctor about it.

Vaginismus: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-causes

both of these sites are pretty informational, hope you figure out what is wrong - it is not the end of the world.

Thanks. I hope I don't have it, it sounds awful...

[Sirensong18]

It could very well be vaginismus, or it could be that you are just new to this and inexperienced.

My first few times did hurt. It takes a while to get used to the feeling of being penetrated, I was not expecting to feel so stretched out, like I was tearing apart or going to break. I'm like you too in that I don't like fingering. I never liked to do it to myself, and I don't like it when my husband does it to me either. It's just never turned me on or felt particularly good. This is a bit of a problem for us, because fingering allows you to build up gradually - one finger, then two, etc. You can get used to the feeling, and then it's not such a shock when he dives in with his penis.

I would recommend being nice and relaxed before you get started with sex. Maybe start with his and her back rubs, kissing all over, lots of nice slow foreplay. It's important to be worked up (read: lubricated and sexually excited) so that penetration will be easier and cause less discomfort. Take your time, don't rush things. Hugs.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Sirensong18

It could very well be vaginismus, or it could be that you are just new to this and inexperienced.

My first few times did hurt. It takes a while to get used to the feeling of being penetrated, I was not expecting to feel so stretched out, like I was tearing apart or going to break. I'm like you too in that I don't like fingering. I never liked to do it to myself, and I don't like it when my husband does it to me either. It's just never turned me on or felt particularly good. This is a bit of a problem for us, because fingering allows you to build up gradually - one finger, then two, etc. You can get used to the feeling, and then it's not such a shock when he dives in with his penis.

I would recommend being nice and relaxed before you get started with sex. Maybe start with his and her back rubs, kissing all over, lots of nice slow foreplay. It's important to be worked up (read: lubricated and sexually excited) so that penetration will be easier and cause less discomfort. Take your time, don't rush things. Hugs.

Thanks.
When I had my first experience I was on drugs and drunk so I didn't feel pain, I felt nothing just discomfort. My ex bf f***** me three times a day after our first experience saying that every second time will be less painful but it wasn't. he said he need to do it everyday to make me feel better but my gynecologist said that it was completely wrong because when you start to have sex you need to do it rarely.
I never was really turned on so maybe that's the reason.
Doctor prescribed me medication to put there and it was little bit painful too, it seems that all the skin there feels pain when something touch there and I'm sure it shouldn't be like this.

[googley]

I think you need to find a new gynecologist who is open to having complete discussions about this issue. That the gynecologist didn't suggest it could be vaginismis is surprising and concerning about her ability to help you.

[SnakeCharmer]

LunaticSoul, it can be caused by tension and fear, which can make all the muscles rigid. People often get severe back pain or headaches from stress, and it's caused by the muscles going rigid.

As you're researching and looking for another gyno, ( a good suggestion) it might help you to practice all over body relaxation. Relaxation exercises can be found all over the internet. I've even seen exercises for learning to relax the entire pelvic area, including the vagina.

Enjoying sex is very hard if our bodies are all tensed up. It may take several months of regular practice before you even begin to get good at relaxing your pelvic muscles. After a while, you might try masturbating with something small, like the size of your thumb, inside you. Over time, you can increase the size of the object -- very slowly so you don't experience pain -- while self-pleasuring. It's one of the ways pelvic muscles spasms can be treated.

You can do that on your own while you're searching for a doctor who is willing to offer you practical help so you can enjoy sex, but when you're ready for that. I wish you the best.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by googley

I think you need to find a new gynecologist who is open to having complete discussions about this issue. That the gynecologist didn't suggest it could be vaginismis is surprising and concerning about her ability to help you.

We have limited time so we can't discuss as much as I want.
She said she is not sure what is the reason for my pain so she send me to vaginal ultrasonography and to check my hormones in blood. I didn't go yet but will do it as soon as I can.
She is really nice doctor, I like her as a person, I trust her.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

LunaticSoul, it can be caused by tension and fear, which can make all the muscles rigid. People often get severe back pain or headaches from stress, and it's caused by the muscles going rigid.

As you're researching and looking for another gyno, ( a good suggestion) it might help you to practice all over body relaxation. Relaxation exercises can be found all over the internet. I've even seen exercises for learning to relax the entire pelvic area, including the vagina.

Enjoying sex is very hard if our bodies are all tensed up. It may take several months of regular practice before you even begin to get good at relaxing your pelvic muscles. After a while, you might try masturbating with something small, like the size of your thumb, inside you. Over time, you can increase the size of the object -- very slowly so you don't experience pain -- while self-pleasuring. It's one of the ways pelvic muscles spasms can be treated.

You can do that on your own while you're searching for a doctor who is willing to offer you practical help so you can enjoy sex, but when you're ready for that. I wish you the best.

I don't know is there any doctor who helps with sexual issues, maybe sex therapist.
Yes, I will try those practices, but it's really hard for me to touch myself there, I don;t know why. It's easier if anyone else do it not me.
It can be because of fear and because of memories of pain and as I said all my skin feels pain there, sometimes even when I even don't touch there.

[Confusedinomicon]

To me it sounds like its related to trauma? Like you can't really consent to sex if you're strung out and it doesn't sound like you consented to him doing it 3x a day. You even said you weren't turned on.

I would discuss your feelings about it with Tx. Maybe processing the trauma will be the first steps towards getting comfortable in your skin so you can be okay with sex?

Yes. I would recommend seeing a new gyno too, there may be something wrong there.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

To me it sounds like its related to trauma? Like you can't really consent to sex if you're strung out and it doesn't sound like you consented to him doing it 3x a day. You even said you weren't turned on.

I would discuss your feelings about it with Tx. Maybe processing the trauma will be the first steps towards getting comfortable in your skin so you can be okay with sex?

Yeah, it was trauma and sometimes it felt like rape but I let him do it hoping it won't hurt

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

Yes. I would recommend seeing a new gyno too, there may be something wrong there.

I will when I will go to ultrasonography

[divine1966]

Honestly it might be something about size. I am a small woman and very tight down there, even from outside my privates look tiny lol

I always had men with rather large penis. As I generally like tall bigger guys.

The issue is not even thickness but the length as it is reaching too far! On occasion I felt pain or discomfort even when I was wet. I now I have a partner ( very recent) with rather smaller privates. He is a smaller man so his privates are smaller especially length wise. Nothing hurts and all feels good. Now I remember I had a bf years ago with smaller penis and it felt good! I think it is the size for me. It works better for me!

Could it be the size?

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[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Honestly it might be something about size. I am a small woman and very tight down there, even from outside my privates look tiny lol

I always had men with rather large penis. As I generally like tall bigger guys.

The issue is not even thickness but the length as it is reaching too far! On occasion I felt pain or discomfort even when I was wet. I now I have a partner ( very recent) with rather smaller privates. He is a smaller man so his privates are smaller especially length wise. Nothing hurts and all feels good. Now I remember I had a bf years ago with smaller penis and it felt good! I think it is the size for me. It works better for me!

Could it be the size?

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I also am very tight there and my doctor even asked me am I virgin while she looked there, so yes it can be the reason but Im not sure because even one finger there was uncomfortable, maybe it was because of fear. When I put my finger there it doesnt hurt but not easy.

[divine1966]

Oh then it is not that. Hope doctor can find what it is. Good luck

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[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh then it is not that. Hope doctor can find what it is. Good luck

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No, maybe it is. There everything is extremely tight and small as my doctor said. It can be because I had sex for just few times, I dont know...

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

No, maybe it is. There everything is extremely tight and small as my doctor said. It can be because I had sex for just few times, I dont know...

It stretches and even if occasionally might hurt it doesn't suppose to hurt that severely just see a doctor . We give birth so it stretches.

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