[Baleful]

I'm in high school, and as it's still early in my life, I suppose a lot of confusion is to be expected. My school, fortunately, has an exceptionally accepting community and I have several very close straight, bisexual and lesbian friends. My lesbian friends are openly dating and have no bullying issues and I'm really happy for them.

As a younger child, I wasn't really introduced to these kind of things, but I grew up to accept and support it. Eventually, I started questioning my own sexuality. At first, I thought that maybe I was bisexual - I almost hoped I was, because I really liked the thought of being attracted to people regardless of their sex, but I came to realize that I just wasn't attracted to other women. Of course, I then thought I must be straight, but I started to question that as well...

I don't think I feel sexual attractions to either gender, which I think would make me asexual, but I've never met an asexual person before and I have no idea what that would really mean. The bigger catch is that I think I still feel strong emotional connections and possibly desire romantic relationships with people, but not sexual ones.

My biggest concern is that if I do end up in a serious relationship with a person (that will most likely not be asexual, as most aren't), how could I still give them everything they need? It seriously worries me to the point where I don't think that I want to be in a relationship even though I still love people. Does any of this even make sense? What are possible solutions for me? How should I cope with this?

[lexxinski]

Of course you can desire romantic relationships! A lot of people make mistakes by labeling themselves and then trying to fit into that label. Why would you do that? You are who you are and what you desire is what you desire. Even if all asexual people didn't like romantic relationships then be the first asexual person who likes it, then create a new category - asexual romantics. And this will be you. Fortunately, a lot of asexual people, including myself would like to have a romantic relationship! You just have to find another asexual person and not try dating a regular person and feel guilty that you can't give them what they are giving you. I still have physical urges like I need to release it otherwise after two weeks of abstinence I become very irritable. I dont feel like having sex, but I would still like to have a relationship. Just google asexuality dot org. Since Im new here Im not allowed to post links.

[secretgalaxy]

Is there a possibility that you are graysexual? I went through the exact same thought process as you (though I'm still going back and worth between straight ad slightly bi). I later found out that I would love a relationship, cuddling, kissing, but getting more sexual than that is too much for me. My friend told be about graysexuality and I found that is where I am. I hate labels, but sometimes it feels good to be able to explain to people in labels, as that's how they understand.

[lexxinski]

Yes, there are many shades of gray in asexuality. The problem is not labeling per se, we need to have names for things otherwise other people wouldn't know what we are saying. The problem is that people identify themselves with a label and then try to behave according to it.

[Baleful]

Originally Posted by lexxinski

Of course you can desire romantic relationships! A lot of people make mistakes by labeling themselves and then trying to fit into that label. Why would you do that? You are who you are and what you desire is what you desire. Even if all asexual people didn't like romantic relationships then be the first asexual person who likes it, then create a new category - asexual romantics. And this will be you. Fortunately, a lot of asexual people, including myself would like to have a romantic relationship! You just have to find another asexual person and not try dating a regular person and feel guilty that you can't give them what they are giving you. I still have physical urges like I need to release it otherwise after two weeks of abstinence I become very irritable. I dont feel like having sex, but I would still like to have a relationship. Just google asexuality dot org. Since Im new here Im not allowed to post links.

Originally Posted by secretgalaxy

Is there a possibility that you are graysexual? I went through the exact same thought process as you (though I'm still going back and worth between straight ad slightly bi). I later found out that I would love a relationship, cuddling, kissing, but getting more sexual than that is too much for me. My friend told be about graysexuality and I found that is where I am. I hate labels, but sometimes it feels good to be able to explain to people in labels, as that's how they understand.

Originally Posted by lexxinski

Yes, there are many shades of gray in asexuality. The problem is not labeling per se, we need to have names for things otherwise other people wouldn't know what we are saying. The problem is that people identify themselves with a label and then try to behave according to it.

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I think the purpose of me seeking a label for myself, as secretgalaxy said, was more so for communication and the ability to convey an understanding with others as to my sexuality. I understand that a label shouldn't change my behavior and words should be used to describe me, not me to describe them, but I also see these things almost as a form of identification that may possibly help me understand myself as well. I can see the logic around seeking those with a similar sexuality for a greater understanding and acceptance for one another, but love tends to be a more random, irrational, illogical thing that doesn't necessarily conform to what is convenient. I have felt emotionally attracted to other people before (very few people), but as far as I was aware, they were not asexual as I was, and that thought was what pushed me away from them. I suppose there isn't a perfect solution to this problem, as there isn't one to most, but I think I've for the most part concluded that I would have to put up with it, whether that means staying alone, or if I'm lucky, finding someone that's willing to stay with me despite that. Anyways, I really appreciate what you said and I thank you both!

[Skywalking]

I'm late to the party, but sexual and romantic attraction can be different. Some aces desire a romantic relationship. So you can be, for example, an asexual demiromantic or asexual panromantic.

If someone doesn't experience sexual or romantic desire, they're an aromantic asexual, or aro-ace, or on the aro-ace spectrum. I'm aro-ace.

I recommend checking out asexuality.org if you haven't already, as many people there struggle with this exact issue!

As an asexual myself, it's perfectly normal to want to meet and be with others like yourself. We all need to connect with others. It sounds like you need an intimate friendship, in other words, a best friend with whom you can talk without bounds. I think that's an excellent goal for you to set for yourself. You do seem to have the ability to connect with others and to make friends. However, a best friend - an conversationally intimate yet platonic friend - is what you need.

[Mike_J]

Sure, sex and romance are usually connected but there is no reason they have to be.