Early Ejaculation Problem

Hi all,

I'm in my mid twenties and have been pretty much sexually abstinent for my whole life (although I have a high sex drive and have masturbated almost every night for a while). I'm currently dating someone who also has a high sex drive but I almost always finish before she is close to orgasm.

It's so frustrating and I feel like there is something wrong with me. I enjoy sex alot and we do it often but it's almost never good for her unless she's ontop controlling the movement. Is there anything I can do? She likes it rough and that's hard because the faster/rougher it is the quicker I orgasm. I've tried stopping before I feel it coming and squeezing the tip, aside from sex therapy or meds I don't know what to do.

PLEASE help.

Hi fendergeek. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are having a situation where your partner wants to control. You have stated how difficult that is.

If your partner wants to experience orgasm and is willing to be passive then you may work out a solution. Part of what is inherently unsatisfying for some people is sex without intimacy. Here is an article that may be of interest.
https://www.google.com/url?q=http://...snXioC-2Gwg3Bg

https://www.google.com/url?q=http://...CnJbTEQxVTMHTg

Assuming your partner will accept the passive role, one option is to extend lovemaking into phases. Touching and caressing of the woman and man, erotic touching and kissing of the woman by the man until the woman has 1 or more orgasms, then joining.

In a passive role the woman does not try to excite the man but allows him to lead. Some practical tips for extending sex: Man mount on top and both roll onto their sides - less pressure on man. Man only enters 1-2 inches where woman is most sensitive - man is not over stimulated for early ending. Breath and follow the breath. After man is excited stop and just feel connection of breath - even if gets softer, then start again. The woman will hopefully be patient. This is a lengthier session but man can last by relaxing and also thinking more of the feminine energy and less of the male energy. Some times like in winter, the man may not climax at the end of the session. Then next day he is full of energy and desire. Discourage the woman from trying to make you climax. This is something that diminishes the desire. Over time the self control can be learned to have this be natural experience.

Of course if your partner will have none of this at least consider the steps of her having orgasms before joining so she will not be totally unsatisfied.

Sadly, all couples have problems to work out. What happens in sex can be a part of what the relationship is like, either for good or bad results. It is not your problem, it is a relationship problem. If she is not flexible, then it is her problem. There is a way if she is willing to experience the feminine energies and allow it to happen rather than try to make it happen.

CANDC had some great advice. I would also throw in that you should grab your goggles and swim fins and go down on her and not come up until you can see the whites of her eyes.

Well, I am new to this forum, so this is a first response. I have had experiences with control and lack of control. I have heard many different theories, from getting off before, so you last longer etc.... I have found over the years it is easiest to slow down, take your time and focus on your partner. Most will respond to this, it helps with connection, start with the senses and work your way to fulfilling there need. When they've gotten what they need then take your time or not and get what you need, release. Also if you communicate this, it will make her feel special and heighten her pleasure, because she will know your invested. Oh, and eye contact helps too, rhythm, breathing and mechanics work together; look up things on tantric and the Kama Suthra; they are helpful.

Foreplay. Women like foreplay.

Not Mrs. Webgoji, she's terrible at foreplay. I mean, she's got like zero game. Her version of foreplay is, "Get over here and grab on to something!"

Everyone in this forum needs to read my advice and please spread the message. I am a charming and good looking guy. I did not have problem with meeting women. However, when I was in my early 20s, I would have an early ejaculation problem everytime I am about to make love. I would get excited and come out if I get hard by touch a woman breast. The best I was able to hold was maybe 1 minutes while inside my wife. I feel really bad for my wife but mostly for myself because I thought I have to live with this problem for the rest of my life. Sex was bad so my wife cheated on me and we got divorce. I think that many of you know the feeling. So, lets fix this problem.
Always, I have to use a condom to reduce the sensitivity of my penis so it would not come too fast. I research some thick condom from Durex made in Thailand and it was able to get me an extra 30 seconds longer. I discovered that before I put on the condom, I would pull the skin over the penis head, while putting on the condom, it would reduce the sensitivity up to 90%. In most situation, I was able to last as long as I wanted if the skin over the penis stayed in place. Sometime the skin pulled back because of the rocking but it still last me for awhile. Eventually, I discovered the confident that I make any woman happy, I did not even need to use the condom anymore to keep me going for a long time.
The problem with me and I think with most men is that we have this fear of early ejaculation and the fear causes us to lose control. Best of luck to everyone with this problem. Please spread this life saving message.