Met up with a guy.. Help! (Really long sorry)

So about 3 days ago I met up with this guy I had been talking to for about 2-3 weeks on the internet and I know I know its dangerous and whatever but I was just so lonely and he said he wasnt going to use me or anything and wanted to get to know me well... He drove me to the mall and we went to a music store, talked a little and he I guess realized I wasnt interesting so he kept trying to pull me to another place and we walked around the mall till we got outside and he picked me up (it was raining and I thought it was cute) then when he set me back down he kissed me and I kinda thought "okay this is cool, I think he really likes me" he then took me to the top of the parking garage where no one was at and we started playing tag and he tried to dance with me. I kinda shrugged it off because I suck at dancing and im really awkward, he had asked me previously on the internet when we were chatting if I "liked it rough" I said yes because I thought maybe he would like me better and im a virgin and very lonely. Well we went back to his car and he pulled me on top of him and started grinding against me. He then put me back and gave me hickeys on my chest then he choked me, I said I liked it but I told him to slow down. Then he came around the car and pulled me out and took his d*ck out and made me jerk him off, then he kept making out with me . I went home, he said we have nothing in common, left and now 3 days later I feel very suicidal and dirty because when I look at my chest I see the hickeys...

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Do you have a local rape/crisis hotline you can call? Do you have a therapist? I think it would be good to get some extra support right now.

I dont even know if that 'encounter' is considered rape though... I dont want to tell anyone about it not even my therapist because I dont want to be put under a microscope and examined by everyone or have people judge me for this. Im scared to tell anyone idk if it was rape or a wrong decision im not sure...

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I am so sorry this happened to you. I agree it could be helpful to talk with your therapist, don't be ashamed. Extra support would be good right now.

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It may not be "rape" but if he forced himself on you, it could be considered sexual assault. Rape hotlines can help you with sexual assault, too.

Nobody needs to know. This is a very private matter. You can keep it confidential by calling a crisis/rape hotline or by talking to a therapist. A therapist won't judge you. They are there to support you.

Please reach out for help. You sound like you need to work through this. I would hate for things to get worse for you.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Guys have done very similar stuff to me in the past. Some men can be such slimy ba$t@ards! That was TOTALLY wrong of him. I have trouble telling people no or to F-off when I really should. My therapist has used a DBT skill called DEARMAN with me to get better at it. *hugs*

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What he did was wrong, and you deserve support to help you process this, and learn skills to stop it happening again. Its just my opinion, but I think your T is the perfect person to go to this with.

1. You are not dirty. It's not your fault. Period.
2. I agree with ChipperMonkey, but given your reaction I do think it was rape. It might not be able to prosecute, but it was certainly a violation You should never feel that way about yourself and nobody should ever make you feel that way.

Definitely find support like CassyO and Chipper mentioned. Don't let a scumbag affect how you feel about yourself.

It was definitely some sort of sexual assault/rape legally speaking. There's no reason to feel dirty, you were his victim. To be honest, I'd say that falls into the range of being reportable to the police given that he physically forced it. They might not be able to prove it, but people who do that stuff usually re-offend. So, having it on record would add to the collection of evidence against him. Who knows, he could already have been reported by others.

I have since dealt with this issue and after being hospitalized for trying to kill myself over this issue. I decided I needed to deal with it and I'm in a much better place. It was rape, thank you for the advice!

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I have since dealt with this issue and after being hospitalized for trying to kill myself over this issue. I decided I needed to deal with it and I'm in a much better place. It was rape, thank you for the advice!

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I have since dealt with this issue and after being hospitalized for trying to kill myself over this issue. I decided I needed to deal with it and I'm in a much better place. It was rape, thank you for the advice!

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I have since dealt with this issue and after being hospitalized for trying to kill myself over this issue. I decided I needed to deal with it and I'm in a much better place. It was rape, thank you for the advice!

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Thank you for the update, desolatex. Thrilled that you're doing ok now.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. He didn't have any right to do what he did. You didn't deserve it and I hope you were/are able to process this and get to a better mental place.

I'm so pleased that you are now getting the help and support you need. It was an awful thing to happen to you and it can take a while to mentally process, work through it, and start to heal.

Thank you for updating us. x

I'm so so sorry you went thru this. my heart breaks for you. First off YOU ARE NOT DIRTY! You are a young girl just trying to figure out your sexuality. Regardless of what you may have said or not said to this guy; he knowingly took advantage of you. He's gross and dirty. Guys like that are predators and even if you say you like something or are into something that you are not or not sure of or don't even know really, ppl like him they are not reading for cues that you are actually OK with something...unfortunately they are reading they are reading what you,are actually feeling unsure uncomfortable and they get off on pushing those insecurities to basically or over the point of rape but will always turn it around and act like your verbatim words were all they heard, so they "thought" you were fine with it. UGH! These are the most horrible type of abusers. I think most of us when we are young and figuring ourselves out end up in some situation or another where we feel pressured into something we are not quite OK with whether it's sexual, drug alcohol related, shoplifting, or defacing the neighbor's lawn etc...in milder forms we chalk it up to part of growing up, but when something happens like what you went thru, please don't brush over it. Take all the time and support and help you need to process it and heal. And don't remain quiet. That doesn't mean you gotta tell anyone you don't want to about it but, someone you trust, here is a great place to start and tho I skimmed thru a lot of the responses it does sound like you are getting outside help and care for yourself. That is so courageous of you. And idk, who or what info you told regarding the scumbag who did this to you, but I hope he ends up paying bigtime...obviously the " right" approach is legally... but in situations like this... I'm sure there is a special horrendous pit in the special hell set aside just for him and if their is eternal justice his sentence will be unrelenting. please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.. I've unfortunately crossed paths with some of these types in my life as well. Be Safe. And most importantly Be Gentle and Kind to yourself. And know that you are never alone in this not for a second, all of us are always here for you.

Thank you so much for you comment. It actually helped me lift some weight knowing that people care about what happened to me. I am on the path to do things legally know that I found out this person has done it to other girls. Once again, thank you.

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Anytime. Seriously even if u just need a place to scream pm me. you can swear all over the place or whatever. Im glad to hear that something is being done about that dirtbag. Hopefully the law will lock him up n throw away the key. So he cant ever hurt anyone again. Please keep talking and sharing cuz the most important thing now is healing for you. From someone who stayed quiet too long...shuttimg down on urself is the worst thing to do..cuz then it just eats at ur soul. You are Incrediably Strong! tell urself how amazing you are everyday, cuz you are young and u gotta a lotta livin to do, dont give in to living as a victim. Live strong and proud. And when u have days that u start to forget how amazing u are keep on writing. Cuz the ppl of this community will be here for u. Be Safe and Well and Live Loud