Same Old Story

I know this topic comes up time and time again but I have read articles and talked to a doctor and still I have got know where. Im 23 and still faking but I dont think I need to anymore because Im sure my bf knows lol....help!!! I feel terrible for my bf and I feel left out so to speak. I have tried masturbation which is ok for a short while but time consuming and I lose interest, and the same goes for oral with my bf, I kinda get bored and my mind wanders. I cant help it I try so hard not to let it. I feel like I've tried everything, so if anyone has any new ideas please fill me in....

This might be a personal question, but just so I know exactly what's going on....you don't have an orgasm at all? Not even during oral or with his hand? For most of my sexually active life, I couldn't orgasm during sex. It had to be done before during foreplay, with his hand or orally, and then I'd fake it during sex.

Are you able to have an orgasm during masturbation? Its usually easier for women to orgasm "clitorally" by masturbation or manual/oral stimulation. Its not uncommon at all to not acheive during intercourse.

If you're not able to AT ALL, I'd practice.....until we know what works, we don't know what to tell our man. If they're not hitting the right spot, I'll gently move their hand, or say "to the left" lol. But I know what works for my body to tell my man.

Orgasm during sex was a different story. I lost my virginity at 21 and didn't orgasm during sex until I was 27. I had finally decided to stop faking it because I'm trying to live a completely honest life. So I had told my bf at the time that I'd never had one and wouldn't be faking it. Low and behold, I finally had one. Then with my current bf, I had a lot of work to do on my past sex issues, because I was falling in love with him, and didn't want all those hang ups from my past interfering with my sex life with him. For me, I had always had sex because I thought I had to, not because I wanted to. I felt like it was my "duty" as a woman, that I was a vessel. I didn't want to feel that way with my bf, so I worked through all of it, and now, the sex with him is amazing!! In fact I can't get enough!!!!!

Sex is mental as well as physical....I never realized that until I was ok with it mentally. Once I combined the physical act with the mental stability, it made sex so much better.

How long have you been with your bf? Have you guys tried some things to "spice it up"? There are some good articles on women and sex on ivillage.com that I've found helpful in the past.

I'd really suggest getting to a point where you can achieve one on your own....that way you know how to tell him what to do. Men have always said they find a little direction helpful.

One of the best things I ever did for myself though, was find other women who had similar experiences. It helped me not feel alone, and we gave each other ideas. So I'm glad you found us here at PC, welcome!!!

Check out the Women Focused Support room too. We discuss sex issues there as well, amongst the other women.

Good luck, and keep posting, and its wonderful to meet you!!



~Rayna

you have probably tried this, but i like talking and telling my husband(well used to) what i like and dont like. be totally relaxed, it's easy to think before hand you are dreading it or are not going to enjoy it, feel and think about what he is doing, i like to watch his face when he is getting escited etc, mosrtly talk about what you like and even fantasising helps sometimes. hope this helps

jinnyann

welcome by the way, sorry lol xxxxxxx

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Yeah I cant have *one* at all, not by myself, not orally, not during sex, there's nothing happen down there for me. I have mentioned this to a few people and they all said that I have to try on my own first "get to know my body", so I have, quite a few times, the problem with that is, I get bored after 40minutes and my mind starts to wander. I only have so many hours in a day and I cant spend 4 of them masturbating.

I have been with my bf for 1.5yrs... I initiated everything, the sex, the relationship to follow, the direction on what he enjoys. If he even notices that Im not having *one* after all this time he hasn't brought it up. I know what feels good orally and I could give him some direction and probably will next time but Im starting to think its hopeless. I try not to worry because that only makes it worse but of course its in the back of my mind every time we get into bed.

I really LIKE this guy and he treats me better than I have ever been treated by anyone, he puts up with my negativity and paranoia but of course we have issues, that aren't exactly easy to deal with. We have issues...opps....I mean I have issues that aren't exactly easy to deal with, with him. From my perspective we are not emotionally connected, we dont talk about personal things and its really hard for me to bring up my personal feelings although I would like to talk about them with him but he seems uninterested and uncomfortable. He told me he was autistic, he's extremely intelligent border line genius. I read somewhere that people like that aren't very good at communicating.

I got side tracked, sorry. Point incase, I would hate to make this guy jump through anymore hoops for nothing (it still might not work).

I dont know what to do but I dont want to be 40yrs old and orgasmless.....Oh Dear

Wow, yeah, I don't know what to suggest if you can't get one on your own. And you said you've been to doctors? Wow.....I don't know.

I really wish I knew how to help, thats gotta be so frustrating!

God Im doomed....