Not interested in young ladies. What should i do?

Dear doctor,
I am a married male 28 years. Prior to marriage I was more fascinated about mature women.
All my masturbation fantasies were about mature ladies. Now i am married, definitely my wife is younger to me. Most of the time in bed, my younger wife doesnt excite me much sexually. She is sexually active and interested to co operate with me by all means. But it fails to excite me. Not all the time, but at tmes.

So im disappointed about this. I want my sexual orientation concentrated towards my wife only. Even now i masturbate at times and in my fantasies its mature ladies who gives more pleasure on masturbation. And even when on bed with wife, if i fantasise about mature ladies it gives me pleasure. But i really dont want to continue this and want to have more healthy sexual relationship with my wife. But the issue is that im not get aroused with my wife which gives me anxiety and it progress to develop erectile dysfunction too. So im more anxious about my problem.

If fantasise about mature ladies there s not much ED but if its with my wife it causes ED. So what do i do. I want to have a healthy relationship with my wife only..
Thank you

Greetings Ticket 13! I see this is your first post here. Let me start by Welcoming you to PC! !!!
Thank you for your very thoughtful and honest first post. This is not a subject i personally have much insight on, but, This forum is full of people who will be able to give you much better advice than myself on this topic. If you don't seem to get many replies..please repost in the men's focused group and other health questions as well, to possibly receive a broader range of insights. Your post caught my eye though because it is so thoughtfully and lovingly composed. Your wife is lucky to have such a caring husband. I understand that you do not feel it is an option to discuss your fantasy with your wife. I am aware that there is a cultural difference on how delicate a matter like this may be.. The only thoughts I have are to take some time to pin point where your preference for older women originates from and what precise features or characteristics of the women you fantasize about appeal to you most... then if possible, try to slowly approach your wife about incorporating a certain action or clothing item maybe into your sex life. Hopefully, my advice is at least a helpful starting point. And I'm sure you will find much more knowledgeable advice and support from others here. Keep writing and be well.

Hello ticket13: I see this is your first post, here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Actually, the key to this is: just don't worry about it. Every one of us has our little fantasies. It's absolutely, perfectly normal! And trying to fight it is just making you anxious, which then leads to problems with ED. The best, easiest thing you can do here is just let it be. From what you wrote, you have a lovely, & loving, young wife. So just celebrate your good fortune! The more you beat yourself up over this fantasy of yours, & try to figure out ways to get rid of it, the more difficult it's likely to become.

Beyond that, of course, you could see a therapist who might be able to help you figure out why you have this predilection. If you felt comfortable sharing this fantasy with your wife, the two of you could actually make a game of it. But I realize this may not be practical, given the society in which you reside. But, basically, if you can just accept that this is okay... no big deal... it will go a long way toward solving your problem. As it stands, you're simply holding yourself to an ideal that you're not currently in a position to achieve. During a partial hospital program I once attended, one of the things they taught us was: "Don't should on yourself!" Don't try to force yourself to live up to unnecessary idealistic expectations. It's good advice...

Thanks for your advise. Yes there definitely is improvement when im with her and i imagine that intimating with a mature woman. But im looking for permanent slution and get sexually attracted to to younger woman

Yes thats absolutely true

I think Skeezyks more accurately put into perspective what I was trying to say. If you can work with a therapist to get to the root of your attraction to older women maybe you can work through it. Also what I was suggesting about incorporating your wife into your fantasy...I wasn't intending to mean distract yourself from your wife to be able to satisfy her but maybe if you place certain pieces of your fantasy into your sexlife with your wife eventually maybe you would come to associate your wife as part of your fantasy and naturally over time the face of your fantasy would switch from pretending your wife was one of the more mature woman you fantasize about to actually seeing your wife as she is when you fantasize... I'm sure that I probably just made it more confusing... I'm sorry if this is not very coherently written. My mind is a bit drifting presently. Hope some of this made sense.