Plz Don't Judge!

evildouble102 · Jul 30, 2007 at 03:29 AM

I'm wondering about something. Is there ever a situation or goings on that justifies this: a man seeking intimacy from a woman who is not his wife if his wife can or will not provide the man with the answers to his sexual needs, when the husband has not had intimacy with his wife for months on end. Is it alright for him to seek satisfaction from another woman? I have maybe a different view on these things, but would like feedback on this. Thanks.

meander · Jul 30, 2007 at 06:48 AM

I'd say if you've made the commitment to marriage, you have in theory made a commitment to work out any issues in the relationship between you. So I think the guy should address the issues with his wife, maybe thru couples counselling etc. If it doesn't go anywhere, they should split. If not, and they're both happy living together in a non-intimate way, I think the guy getting involved with another girl is only ok if the wife knows. (not necessarily specifics, but she's consented to her husband getting his kicks elsewhere).

That's my take on it. Marriage is a commitment (prob why I'm not married) and should be taken seriously. The guy can always leave if he has problems.

If it's in a society where divorce and separation is not allowed, or very stigmatised, my answer might be different, but I assume your scenario is based in a Western country (US, Canada,UK, Australia NZ, European countries etc)

tranquility · Jul 30, 2007 at 08:59 AM

I think it's wrong. Similar to what meander said, there is a commitment and if things are working then going outside of the marriage only complicates things. They should be in counseling to see if it can be fixed. The woman might have medical reasons for part of her issue but there are other ways to try to satsify your partner.

Most likely if he is going outside of the marriage he has not told her. That means if he does that to her there is a high likelyhood that he may have other partners that he doesn't tell this woman he is having an affair with.

Tranquility

nothemama8 · Jul 30, 2007 at 10:01 AM

when a marital commitment is made it is for life or unless divorce is needed, playing the field in a marriage is frowned on because if he strays from wife he'll stray from other partner, you never know what STD you'll get, there are enough single guys out there you don't want to be the other woman in an adultry court case

skittles · Jul 30, 2007 at 01:00 PM

i believe if u cant work through the problem and are not happy you should divorce.. i think its wrong to go out of any type of relationship married or not to sleep with someone else...

Raynaadi · Jul 30, 2007 at 01:29 PM

This didn't happen in a marraige, but I was in a relationship that I was really trying to make work. Then I was texting with a male friend and the texts got.....sexy. My friend told me it was emotional cheating, so I stopped the texts. A few months later, they started up again. I was geting something from these texts and from this other man that I wasn't getting in my relationship. I ended the relationship. Not for the other man, but because I realized it wasn't a healthy relationship if I was seeking gratification from another, even just through texts. It was a catalyst of sorts. I'm not the cheating type, so for me to have gotten that close to making those texts a reality, meant I needed to leave the relationship.

Jul 30, 2007 at 07:27 PM

are you asking if it's okay to have sex with a married man because he is saying that his wife isn't giving him any? no, it's not okay. he's probably lying, most of them do......the other woman never has a CLUE as to what is really going on in his bedroom.

if he committed to a marriage, then others should stay out of it and he should honor his committment.

seeker1950 · Jul 30, 2007 at 07:47 PM

I agree with Fayerody.
Patty

MOJO3 · Jul 30, 2007 at 09:53 PM

I'm jumping on the bandwagon...suffering from me2ism. I agree with Faverody, as well.
Men and women often use the excuse of sexual dissatisfaction as a reason to have an affair. If you are in a committed relationship then you should sleep in your own bedroom. I have been committed before (lol) once or twice and if I started to get to the point where I was thinking sexually about another person...I packed my stuff and hauled hinny out of there. In my mind's eye...that is a sign that its over.
So, I stand on my soapbox and say "nay, adultery is not right, regardless of the situation a person says they are in."

Jul 30, 2007 at 11:35 PM

let's see. you're in highschool and have your prom pictures up on your online page.........think we might have a little drama going on here, devil twin?

nothemama8 · Jul 30, 2007 at 11:41 PM

adults don't have to ask others for permission, playing with fire may get you burned kiddo

bebop · Jul 30, 2007 at 11:50 PM

wow! no one should cheat on a partner. especially with someone still in high school!

Rhapsody · Jul 30, 2007 at 11:55 PM

My Answer......................... "NO"

And having been with one man for 24 years - married to him for 21 of those years..... I can say: we all have times where we are not available, I think our longest was 3 months - yet we remained faithful to each other and our marriage vows and we did not go else where for sex / sexual pleasure.

Maven · Jul 31, 2007 at 05:10 AM

I say no, too. If you have problems (including lack of sex), you discuss it and try to work it out with your partner. If it can't be worked out (or if your partner won't work on it), then you get out of your marriage and move on.

Oh, and by the way, I understand what it is to have a partner who won't have sex with you. It's been eight years for me.

evildouble102 · Jul 31, 2007 at 04:33 PM

Umm I think either one of us is confused or something.... I'm 23 years old. I'm not in High School... I didn't even go to my prom.... maybe I'm confused and u don't mean this all literally I don't know. But anyway I get that u are pissed off kinda or alteast feel very strongly about ur stance on the issue and I'm trying to listen and respect others views on the issue.

seeker1950 · Jul 31, 2007 at 08:52 PM

I'm glad to know your age, Double!
23 is very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. So many things to look forward to!
A man who tells you he is unsatisfied sexually in his marriage, who exhibits interest in you....is trouble! As someone else here has said, he may even by lying! Even if what he says is true, it is morally wrong to become involved with such a man!
You have related a troubling history here, and it sounds like you're vulnerable.
Your best course of action would be to abstain from becoming sexually involved right now.
Patty

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skittles Poohbah Member Since Jan 2006 Location: ohio Posts: 1,200 18	Jul 30, 2007 at 01:00 PM #5 i believe if u cant work through the problem and are not happy you should divorce.. i think its wrong to go out of any type of relationship married or not to sleep with someone else... __________________ lots of love, Skittles
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Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 30, 2007 at 07:27 PM #7 are you asking if it's okay to have sex with a married man because he is saying that his wife isn't giving him any? no, it's not okay. he's probably lying, most of them do......the other woman never has a CLUE as to what is really going on in his bedroom. if he committed to a marriage, then others should stay out of it and he should honor his committment.
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seeker1950 Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2005 Location: WV Posts: 8,131 19 1,580 hugs given	Jul 30, 2007 at 07:47 PM #8 I agree with Fayerody. Patty
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Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 30, 2007 at 11:35 PM #10 let's see. you're in highschool and have your prom pictures up on your online page.........think we might have a little drama going on here, devil twin?
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nothemama8 Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2004 Location: PA USA Posts: 7,878 19 14 hugs given	Jul 30, 2007 at 11:41 PM #11 adults don't have to ask others for permission, playing with fire may get you burned kiddo __________________ A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
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bebop Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: Ga Posts: 13,936 19 34 hugs given	Jul 30, 2007 at 11:50 PM #12 wow! no one should cheat on a partner. especially with someone still in high school! __________________ He who angers you controls you!
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Rhapsody Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 9,946 18 1 hugs given	Jul 30, 2007 at 11:55 PM #13 My Answer......................... "NO" And having been with one man for 24 years - married to him for 21 of those years..... I can say: we all have times where we are not available, I think our longest was 3 months - yet we remained faithful to each other and our marriage vows and we did not go else where for sex / sexual pleasure.
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