Can you figure out what you are while being a virgin?

I hate prefaces but I think this needs one. I'm intentionally leaving a lot of things out for the sake of privacy. I hope you can still understand what I'm talking about.

I thought I was straight. I wondered a bit in high school, but I had crushes on girls and not boys. I wondered because I wasn't into sports and I didn't have that crazy horniness that teen boys tend to have. I was excited about the possibility of kissing and holding a girl. However, because of my religious beliefs, I felt then and I still feel now, I shouldn't have sex with anyone but my wife.

College was tough. I was pretty lonely. There were girls that loved to talk to me. There was one, Farah, who I was madly in love with. Luckily she liked me too and we hung out for awhile but she shared my beliefs. We talked a lot. We even talked about getting married. But it fell apart because she wanted to be with a doctor and I wanted to be a teacher.

I've had some relationships since then, all with girls. There was a girl that I was passionate about, Lyla. She had an adventurous personality. Once she told me on the phone that I was making her wet. It was exciting and validating.But ultimately, we were just too different.

Lately something strange has been happening. Fantasies about being with a man are arousing to me, even though they never were before. At first, I was just thinking about a threesome with one girl and one guy. But then I started fantasizing about just screwing a guy. Yet, I haven't had a crush on a guy. I've known some gay men and I haven't desired them.

To be honest, I am homophobic. I hate to say that, but I am. I support same sex marriage and full gay rights. But the idea of me being gay or bisexual is uncomfortable and troubling to me. Also, I mentioned religious beliefs. A gay man or woman can be out in my religious community but it's not easy.

In summary I have a couple questions. Can you be a straight man with gay fantasies and nothing more? If you think you're bisexual, is it a problem if you don't tell anyone about same-sex attraction except your partner? Also, how much can you really know about what you want sexually if you're committed to abstinence?

Sexuality is a spectrum and technically speaking few people(if any) are 100% straight. So, you could be far down enough on the scale that you're basically 90% straight or more but have that little bit of capacity for sexual interest in men too, just that it's to a small degree and further repressed by society and societal norms and stereotypes(especially when we're talking about men). At the same time, you could be more bisexual but again so repressed it just doesn't manifest or at least hasn't up until this point.

Personally I think human beings largely have the capacity to at least be curious about sex with the gender they're not primarily or basically attracted to. Studies/surveys seem to suggest it and also suggest that a surprising nr of people who are and consider themselves overwhelmingly straight, have had or would have sex with someone of the same gender out of curiosity. So it can also be that something triggered that curiosity in you and your brain perceives it as something exciting in that sense more than actual romantic/sexual attraction towards men.

A therapist could help you more especially since it seems you are from a religious background and surrounded by religious people and conservative views of that nature, which come with a lot of guilt and shame, which could have influenced how you perceive your sexuality.

To answer your questions directly, yes you can be basically straight but with some gay fantasies(again,that spectrum) and if you happen to end up feeling you're bisexual it isn't a problem if you don't tell anyone you don't feel comfortable sharing it with, the only problem is how your mental health is affected by not living your true self and accepting yourself.

Oh and you can know who you're attracted to even without having had sex with all genders. We all start out with zero sexual experience but sexual experience and sexuality are different things.