molestion by husband wile I'm sleeping

honestly, maybe he was trying to wake you up for a little middle of the night action. My hubbie does that, and if im not totally out like a rock, i will wake up and we go at it. I am not offended by it.

Tough situation.

My ex was an alcoholic. TWO 30 PACKS A WEEK IS A LOT OF ALCOHOL.

He did not do the middle of the night thing but would just grab whenever he wanted.

I put it into perspective to his FACE SOBER that it was disrespectful and at least he could ask.

I have no problem with a man admiring my body or wanting to touch it. HOWEVER, if it is rude, crude, or against my will - you can forget it.

The thing is - I'd wait until he was stone cold sober and get right on his BUTT about it. Just tell him how it makes you feel. If he continues to do it after that with no logical explanation - well, then how you handle it is up to you.

I do believe in the mid-life crisis thing with men too. TOTALLY.

Alot of good theories here and a lot of good advice.

This is just my perspective.

I think your childhood history does complicate the issue.

This seems like an issue of respect. Other posters may consider respect to have a different meaning....I don't think it is appropriate to say she is wrong or right; It is simply her choice.

The fact that you have been together for so long without this happening leads me to think something has changed in his life that he feels he needs to do this. It's not beyond reason that his Alcoholism is the catalyst of this sudden behavior change. When was the last time he saw a doctor?

You have tried soft methods of getting him to stop. The next time he begins these unwanted advances you need to physically separate yourself from him. Don't threaten him, just do it. He needs to know that what he is doing is not okay.

Your not a possession. 31 years of marriage doesn't imply ownership because the mortgage is paid off!

Marriages, no matter how long they have lasted can be undone very quickly if trust and respect starts degrading.

If you feel like you can't solve this problem on your own, you can find a marriage counselor to help you.

When I used to drink really heavily I would find myself in a semi concious state doing similar types of things to my ex thinking I was having a dream of doing a similar type of activity.

I would usually wake to a state that was more aware of where I was and what I was doing and then say to myself "Damn I guess that was a dream!*

Sometimes my ex would awaken (almost never completely) or be stirred enough to fully wake me, but never do I remember it upsetting her ( though it very well could have, but considering the amount I was drinking I don't recall any problems it ever created) my drinking created far greater problems than something of this nature.

I agree with Stiv. That is certainly something that could happen. My concern is that there has been a change in the way his body process alcohol (or has he recently started drinking more) which is causing this behavior change.

well wht u should do is explain if havent already tht you feel uncomfortable and why he probably will understand

My BF likes to do that, too. Just last night, in fact, he KNEW I was REALLY tired and started things up. I was awake enough to kinda know he was up to something. he said "Stay asleep..." but once he got "started", I said "How can you POSSIBLY think I'd be able to sleep with this going on?" lol In a good way, of course... So I wouldn't call it molestation. Some guys just think its neat to sneak up on a person.

This shocks me! no husband just has a right to tuch his wife however he feels and when ever he wants. If she said no (which she did by pushing his hands away and then questioning it in the am) then he ought not touch her. End of story.
Kiya

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SeptemberMorn said:
How can a husband touch his wife inappropriately is my question. Have you considered that he simply enjoys your body and wants to touch it? Maybe you need to react possitively to his touching.

It would be "molestation" or "rape" if you woke up all the way and told him "No!" Otherwise, he's perfectly in the right.

I wish my husband would touch me "inappropriately" in my sleep!

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me Tarzan

you Jane

turn over!

yiyii99,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I can understand how upsetting it must be, especially due to your issues of childhood abuse.

I would also be concerned and angry if my husband was putting his own sexual needs first and disrespecting me and my boundaries in the process. (Not just as a wife, but as a human being!)

You wrote I push his hand or hands away and ask him about it the nest AM most times and he either denies it or says he was just rubbing my butt.

You might want to read this article *click here* and see if anything fits.

Hope you can get it straightened out.

Orange_Blossom

he needs to be held accountable for his actions. make SURE he knows you dont like it and then if he continues i'd call the police. there is no excuse for this type of behavior.

and he probably needs to get help for his drinking. that is not healthy for him or for you relationship.

Thinking about it more, let him know whats on your mind.