should i come out of the closet?

We are only as sick as our secrets. Shame is a cancer to the soul.

Truth is a priceless gift.

Be who you are young man,,it is a short life and any time wasted in the masks of others expectations is freedom lost.

Be well.

Lenny

the only way that you'll feel entirely yourself is if you come out. Otherwize you'll just be hiding behind a mask your whole life. Come out, let your light shine and let yourself face life every day as the human being you know you truely are deep down inside.

You'll feel more alive this way.

I cant give you any advice as to what to do about your rents but I will say that your friends who truely like you for who you are will stay with you and those that attach too much value to gender stereotypes will leave you. But in the end you'll be left with people who care about the real you, now...i think that would be a litmus test of sorts to seperate your true friends from the ones who like the mask you put on and bow to social norms/homophobia.

[quote/]
i already know fr a fact that my step-mom does not like gay ppl. i know my dad would be okay with it bc hes behind me 100% but i dont want it to change his view of me. its just hard. i want everyone to know im gay, just scared of what my parents would do.[/quote]

Well, as someone who's experienced this kind of thing, I thought I'd give my perspective. Actually, I knew I was gay but was waiting until I was on my own (as in graduated from college, with a career, completely independent) so then maybe I would tell my family. My uncle "suspected" that I was gay and told my parents. When confronted, I couldn't lie, and told my dad the truth. He said the most vulgar, hurtful, horrible and offensive things that a child could hear from its parent. This was right when dad and I started to have a good relationship, too. That was just over 2 years ago.

Since then, things have become better, but it's still awkward around dad and something we do NOT discuss. Mom is okay with it.

My point is-- don't rush into thinking you need to tell everyone. You may not be 100% sure, even though you think you are. I'm still not sure. I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now and I'm still not sure. You don't have to put a label on yourself. As you said, you choose the person you are with because you love them-- that's all that matters. It's very hard, sometimes you want to burst and just tell everyone "I'm different than you think I am..." but try to resist the urge for now. Especially while you're in high school, it can be extremely traumatic. In college (or whatever your plans are after h/s...) you have a lot more freedom and opportunity to find the support you need.

Before I write another novel on this site... let me leave you with this thought...

You are ultimately still YOU no matter what. Your sexual orientation does not DEFINE you. It is only a SMALL part of who you are. You are a young man, brother, son, grandson, stepson, friend, whatever else you may be...first. So, don't rush to add another label to the list.

best of luck.

I would definitely discuss it with your therapists. He or she, may be able to provide you with the insight you need to proceed, or to maintain the status quo.

Absolutely right Danialla! I agree.

In my opinion, many heterosexual people do not fully grasp the importance of “coming out of the closet”. They say that what a person does in bed behind closed doors is nobody’s business and I whole heartedly agree with this statement ( as long as nobody is getting hurt).

But I think that often they miss a much larger picture…being in a homosexual relationship is not just about what gender I “choose” to have sex with. It’s about a loving caring relationship and all the things that go along with that just like a heterosexual relationship is.

If I am in the closet, I can never talk about the person I love. I can never have them join in my family celebrations on holidays. I can never introduce them to my friends as being my significant other. If I am in the closet I can’t share large parts of my life with the person I care most about in this world!

Does any straight person know how bad that hurts? Think how many times you say things to family, friends, co-workers like “my boyfriend and I” or “my wife and I”. Imagine going through life hiding the person you love from others eyes like it is something wrong or dirty! It’s not and it stinks and it hurts.

I am not trying in any way to encourage or discourage you to come out. That’s a choice you need to make when and how you feel is best. I guess I am just saying I understand why you feel it’s important and also why you are reluctant.

I hope your friends and family love and accept you just as you are. You sound like a wonderful young man.

T_Seul... I completely agree with you. This is a dilemma that I constantly struggle with internally-- and on top of all of life's other demands, it is quite overwhelming.

Just wanted to say-- the way you put it in to words is very accurate and probably representative of a lot of gay people, so thanks for being a knowledgeable advocate!

Thank you Carolinagirl. I just feel people equate homosexuality with "sex" and forget that we are just people trying to make relationships work.

It must be so hard though for a young male to come out. I think society is less cruel to women in these things although that can be difficult at times too.

What bravery and confidence young people have who come out. I watched some coming out stories on youtube and I am in awe of their fortitude. I personally don't think it's a fad or "in style" these days. I think young people are just braver than my generation were. Kudos to them.

I hope I have not hijacked his thread. If so I am sorry. Was just going on.

Nicely said and I agree!

Society as a whole may be easier on lesbians. But I feel the reason is that overall, women are more "relationship" based and less threatened by the "sexual" part, and men are somewhat the opposite and very threatened, (for lack of a better word), by the "sexual" part. And men are much more focal about it. Very sad, and at times dangerous, for young gay men.

Take care everyone.....

I agree with you Danialla. I think you may have hit on a very reasonable theory. I never considered that before.

It is just sad that it is that way. I wonder if humans will ever learn tolerance to people who are different than they are.

We can always hope and pray.......

To be perfectly honest, I don't see why it is such a hard thing to practice. That being said, I think that to practice true tolerance requires people to give up a bit of their own ego. Something I see more and more people unable or unwilling to do, in fact the exact opposite seems to be happening.

It is really sad, but we can still hope and pray that in the future tolerance, if not acceptance, will be a mandate to live by for the majority of people.

Take care everyone

to tell
people mostly will understand you,though it`s a little hard for your parents since they themselves are not guys hah