[robiezoey]

I am not sure where to begin, this is not something I do anymore but I used to masturbate while looking at my wifes genatalia while she was sleeping, she would know that I was doing it and would get very angry with me the next day or few days later. She and I feel like I have a serious sexual addiction problem even though I haven't done it in quite some time. She was sexually molested as a child so this doesn't make things any easier between us. She was also raped multiple times as a young adult. As I mentioned I have stopped doing this, she doesn't feel that she can trust me, and sees me as a predator. I need to find out what I can do to fix this, and I need to find out what I can do to earn her trust again. On top of the masturbating I did look at FREE internet porn, specifically female crotch shots (which I also no longer look at). I also used to try to initiate sex with my wife while she was sleeping by messaging and fondling her genatalia, she also did not appreciate this, and also finds it hard to trust me. I need help to try and figure this out, it has been very difficult to understand, our marriage is on the rocks, we have a house and home with kids......there is so much more to share, this runs very deep and only scratches the surface. So if my wife is reading this, please know that I can only address so much at a time...

[Junerain]

Have you tried seeing a sex therapist, both of you, together?

[Rhapsody]

First off... I would like to say how PROUD you should be of yourself for seeing this issue as a problem in your marriage since it is hurting your wife and for taking steps to end it.

I would suggest that you do some reading on porn addiction (much can be found on the internet) - try looking into books written by Dr. Douglas Weiss, awesome author in the subject of porn/sex addictions.

List of his books:
http://www.drdougweiss.com/Resource.html

[Slippers]

I agree with the poster who suggested counseling. Marriage counseling would be a good place to start. The topic of your sex life should come up pretty quickly. Has she had therapy for her abuse history?

Let's assume with counseling you are able to resume a loving and intimate life with your wife. If your fetish gets in the way of a healthy sex life you'll likely need therapy to work that out.

Online forums can do a lot, but some things really need to be worked out with a therapist...imo. It's worth the embarrassment if you want to try to save your marriage.

[jacqueline1110]

I need to find out what I can do to fix this, and I need to find out what I can do to earn her trust again."]

It's good to hear that you care to be a better man for your wife! I don't know how much control you have over your wife's fears though unless she does some work on them also. I like that you are candid, but I'm a little concerned because you can be pretty graphic. Why do you feel the need to be so graphic? It's like you and your wife are two sides of the same coin.

I need help to try and figure this out, it has been very difficult to understand, our marriage is on the rocks, we have a house and home with kids......there is so much more to share, this runs very deep and only scratches the surface. So if my wife is reading this, please know that I can only address so much at a time. "]That is so sweet that you want to be a better man for your wife. What two consenting adults choose to do is between them. That doesn't make it bad. The problem is she didn't consent. It's been my impression that people who are addicted to sex, think it's naughty, or wrong or bad. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's only sex. So much of anything adult be it sex, drinking drugs whatever is a need to break some boundaries. What boundaries do you REALLY feel like breaking? [/COLOR]

[being]

why so many men have this problem? porn addiction