[Tony7777]

My girlfriend says she can live without sex, this of course for a man is very concerning. She said my overweight is a problem it doesnt let her breath when I am on top therefor it makes the whole experience very uncomftable. The because I am overweight she said that my size has diminsh and doesnt feel much anymore.

I though always it wasnt about the size but how you used it. I guess I was wrong.... Any recommendations? should I give up on the relationship?

Can the relationship survive without sex? She still talks to her ex, can this be a problem? maybe she is saving him for later in life?

She has repeadetly told me she loves me and is with me and she wouldnt be with me if she didnt want too. Also, she said no matter what happens she will never go back to her ex.

What can I do? Is it over?

[rappacinisgarden]

Hi, I understand that u feel kind of bewildered by your gf thoughts... Personally, i think that sex is important in a relationship but it's not the whole thing.Sex is part of the relationship and the ultimate thing to express your feelings to your significant other, this is why it's so important. You point out that u are overweight and this kind of complicates things. What if you talk with your gf so she becomes supportive with u on a diet plan or such? I am overweight also(very much at the moment), but I have had sex anyways. Tell your gf that there are many ways to enjoy sex and talk about it next time with her when u become intimate. I see that at the moment you feel kind of bad with yourself, but you don't have anything that is incurable... Ask your gf for some more support and help and let her know that u feel a little hurt by what she said. I don't understand why you can't have sex just because you are overweight.

Also, I sense a little fear in your words since u mention that your gf talks with her x-bf. Maybe right now u feel susceptible, but maybe you should talk with her also on that subject.

Being overweight is not fun, I know, but it's worse when the other person that you love doesn't support you. And believe me, there are many ways to enjoy sex! My best wishes, Rappaccini

[Tony7777]

My problem is the overweight, i understand their is many ways to enjoy even with the overweight. The problem is that she also has overweight issues and when I am on tp she cant breath, making it uncomftable. The other problem is that since we are both overweight the penetration isnt as good to the point where she doesnt feel anything....

I am sooooo sad. She wont do anything other then be under me, she doesnt like other positions and I have told her but she says no. She is very, very overweight concious to the point that she barely lets me see her naked because of her lack of self confidence.

Thanks for your comments.

[Lenny]

Hi tony.

If you keep doing what your doing you'll keep getting what your getting.

My sponser told me that over and over when I was working on life problems early in sobriety.

"Nothing will change until something changes" was another one..

Boy I hated it when he told me those things..

But he was right...

You and your girlfriend are overweight. This issue is effecting other areas of your life,,some profoundly so. Unless you both face this, deal with it or accept it and all its consequences,,then it will always trouble you.

Maybe you can both decide as a gift to each other to reduce your weight. Make a loving adventure of it...enjoy the process,,encourage each other by seeking solutions and working on them together...reward yourselves for reaching milestones,,do something new that you never did before (in bed or otherwise) as you reach small but achieveable goals...

This is your life Tony and I know what you both deal with is hard,,,but hard is not impossible...it takes a decision and work,,,but when we overcome anything that we choose to overcome,,the satisfaction it offers is priceless....

With Care,

Lenny

[rappacinisgarden]

oh tony, sorry you're so sad, now I understand u better. But lenny is right, u have to start to find solutions. Once you start I bet u will feel better. U have to talk about this with your gf, and plan a strategy. I understand your gf also.

i know how hard it is to lose weight, being overweight myself, but I'm trying to reduce my intake of food... i usually eat because I'm anxious.

I think you have a positive side though: since your gf and u have the same problem you can work it out together. I think u can improve your quality of life and get back on the road.

Think about what's making u overweight, not just because of the food, but what's going on inside u. U say your gf has low self esteem. Why don't you go to therapy together to talk about this and work it out together? My best wishes, Rappaccini

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Tony7777

The problem is that she also has overweight issues and when I am on tp she cant breath, making it uncomftable.

She is very, very overweight concious to the point that she barely lets me see her naked because of her lack of self confidence.

This lack of sex issue may be more about her than about the pleasure she is or is not getting from sex with you... her overweight issue is controlling her and everything she does in life... I personally feel that she will forever have an issue with sex (the nakedness part) until she learns to like her self (with or with out the weight).

[prettyjolie]

Hi tony.. k well, it sounds to me like she doesn't want to have sex because she is self concious. It's understandable.. i am not really overweight anymore but I used to be, so that's always in my head. And it's really hard for me to feel confident without clothes.
I don't think its necessarily your weight that she says she doesn't feel anything. It may just be that she's so focused on how she looks that she can't concentrate and feels nothing.
I definitely think that you should both start exercising together. If you are overweight enough to have it impact your life, then you should do something about it because it is probably affecting your health as well. You should take it very seriously and do this not only for her and your sex life, but your health as well.
If you are willing to exercise and go on a diet, let her know.. tell her that you would be more motivated if she came along and did it with you. It's much more fun to do it with someone anyway.
Also, make sure that you pay attention to her.. make sure that you make her feel important and not only focus on yourself during sex. Some people are very selfish and don't even realize it and it makes their partner resentful and won't want to be intimate anymore.
Hope everything works out.

[AAAAA]

There are other things to try, like you stand at the edge of the bed and she's on the bed. Still standardish position but you're able to hit things without belly's getting in the way. I would be greatly concerned about a long term relationship/marriage without sex it is so important on so many levels.

Improvements in diet and exercise will also increase her sex drive. Is she willing to do something about this problem or is she just writing this off?

[Tony7777]

Yes, she is willing to make changes and exercise. I thank you all for your concerns and different points of view. I think she is very self consious about her overweight, she wont try nothing new because she is afraid of it not working. Yes, AAAA I also did the bed border thing but it frustrates her not been able to kiss me while doing it. She says its like a machine with no passion if I stand far away. I guess we are not looking to just have sex but to make love with passion.

I am going to the doctor to see what can be done while i exercise, maybe a penis enlargement, who knows. I am willing to do the extremes for her and mainly for us. I love her to much to let her go or I should say let the relationship go down.

Thanks, Opinions???

My opinion is that this should be in the sex forum not the general kids read this for pitys sake.

[Zen888]

I agree with Tishie!!

[salukigirl]

first off....just make sure if you do anything to change yourself physically it is being done for you and not her. doing something for someone else, especially when its life changing like losing a lot of weight, will only lead to resentment. trust me, i tried it with smoking and it was the worst idea.

second, whats funny about sex is that the more you have it the more you want it and vice versa. having sex ups your libido and makes you want it even more so if youre continually not having it, that's going to make it easier to go without.

even when i was overweight by only 10 lbs or so i didnt want sex as much. i was drained and could notice a difference in my mental state as well as physical. so ive lost about 35 lbs and am right in the middle of my normal weight and feel much more sexually healthy.

it might be easier for you guys to lose the weight if you try it together. but also, she shouldnt be making comments to you if she, herself, if overweight. until she does something about her own condition she has no right to criticize you. and the penis enlargement thing....do they even do that? lol

Plus you burn up lots of calories while having sex tell her that lol.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Tishie

My opinion is that this should be in the sex forum not the general kids read this for pitys sake.

I thought this was the Sex Forum. It says: Sexual and Gender Issues...For frank and open discussion about sexuality

Is there another one that I on PC that I can't find? Or are you referring to anther website altogether? I am confused

[rappacinisgarden]

Confused also! Isn't this post ok here? Rap.

[AAAAA]

No this is the appropriate forum. It was moved here from relationships because the thread took a turn on the sexual side of relationships.

As AAAAA said it was in a different forum I asked for it to be moved to here.

[Tony7777]

Sorry, didn't know the forum had restrictions on age. I thought everyone involved was mature and able to discuss these issues.

[AAAAA]

I don't think it's an age thing, you originally posted the thread in relationships. It was moved here to Sexual and Gender because the thread took a turn into the sexual side of your relationship. A person reading a thread in Relationship and Communication doesn't expect to find sexual content, however a person reading a thread in Sexual and Gender would not be surprised to find sexual content.

Age isn't the only factor in play this is mental health site and by definition we have issues. We show each other respect by posting in the appropriate forum and using trigger signs, giving members the opportunity to avoid those things that are difficult for them.

Threads are moved all the time (again, sorry to all of the Mods in general, it only took me a year to figure out what to post there).