[ellegirl]

Hi. I'm a 25 yr old female and I have been with a 20 yr old male now for about 9 mths. He has male orgasmic disorder. Im trying to be supportive and patient but I feel like we arent doing anything to help fix it either. He is a very passive/shy person who has only had one other serious relationship before me, and only had sex with her twice. And only once did he ever orgasm inside that girl. I give him handjobs so he can orgasm but i want us to be able to orgasm during sex. I worry that because he cant orgasm during sex, he will never enjoy it as much as a man should. I love sex and want it often but we rarely do. Anyone have any experiance with this? If so please tell me what my partner and i can do to try and get him to orgasm inside me.

*This type of issue is usually pyschological but nothing bad has ever happened to him in his life. He does get turned on by feet but he isnt sure if its a fetish. But if he orgasmed in his ex gf without using feet then im sure he can again, which means his love for feet may not be an actual fetish.

*He doesnt really want to see a therapist.so im hoping for any personal tricks or bedroom methods?thanks guys!

[Slothrop]

Originally Posted by ellegirl

I worry that because he cant orgasm during sex, he will never enjoy it as much as a man should.

Usually it is us guys who are informed that "sex isn't all about intercourse." That may be true, but I know it is frustrating!

Try not to pressure him, or yourself, by perceptions of what sex "should" be. If he is having enjoyable orgasms with you by some means, then that is a good start.

Guys have different levels of sensitivity...possibly the amount of stimulation/pressure from intercourse isn't enough, or feels wrong to him...with hand stimulation you can adjust your technique quite a bit, squeeze more or less, etc. If that is the issue, a sexual therapist might suggest exercises or routines to help acclimate him to intercourse.

If he does have a foot fetish, I wonder if there is some way to use that to increase his excitement during intercourse...I'm not sure, as that might require you to be REALLY flexible... But it's worth thinking about!

[ellegirl]

Thank you so much for responding. I liked what you said about a sexual therapist suggesting exercises or routines to help acclimate him to intercourse. I think thats our best shot. I just dont kno if he will ever see a therapist. As for the foot thing...we have said the same thing, that id have to become pretty flexible lol...but he neither of us want to rely on feet either. Since he can orgasm through handjob, and it does seem like his penis is very sensitive...i think your right i just have to be patient and keep trying.I'm sure it will happen eventually heres to hoping ha. its just that i love sex and feel bad cuz he isnt getting the same enjoyment out of it as me.so now im starting to not orgasm either, because im constantly worrying and feeling bad for him

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by ellegirl

He does get turned on by feet but he isnt sure if its a fetish. But if he orgasmed in his ex gf without using feet then im sure he can again, which means his love for feet may not be an actual fetish.

May I ask? - was he looking at his or her feet when he did manage to have an orgasm with his old girl friend.

And what does he look at (if any thing) if and when he masturbates.

[ellegirl]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

May I ask? - was he looking at his or her feet when he did manage to have an orgasm with his old girl friend.

And what does he look at (if any thing) if and when he masturbates.

Those are excellent questions. Im glad you asked them. I dont know the intimate details pertaining to him and his ex, but it is certainly something to think about. I will keep these questions in mind for the future.thanks!

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by ellegirl

Those are excellent questions. Im glad you asked them.

I am asked those question because I know about "Sex Glue" - and how it effects the human brain / eyes while having sex.

(written from the males pov - but true for women too)

YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BRAIN TO YOUR SEXUALITY.

Changes occur in the males physical body during the sexual act that not only changes its physical appearance, but also affects it physiologically in many ways when a man is being sexual. FACT – to be a sexually successful man, you must have a sexually successful brain. Typically what a man thinks about and focuses on is what he ends up doing.

While all the case studies confirm that men spend a lot of time thinking about sex many times throughout the day, we must ask the question why so many men are not having sexual success. One reason is because of the manner in which men are thinking about sex. Another reason is the men’s brains have actually been trained about sex. This faulty thinking and training hinders the sexual success that men could experience. The good news is that there is an answer for these problems. It is possible to create a sexually successful brain.

WHAT IS SEX GLUE?

When a man ejaculates his brain receives its maximum chemical reward (more powerful than any illegal street drug). Critical to a man’s sexual success is understanding that whatever he looks at while having an ejaculation is what he will sexually connect or “glue” to.

Whatever his eyes focus on when he sexually releases - - - a person, image, object, will become etched in his brain as a photographic attachment toward that person, image or object. This called “SEX GLUE”.
So after a period of time of having sex with the same person, when he sees her, he is going to feel attached to her.

Hence the reason why lights should always be on during lovemaking and eyes wide open – make the eye contact to insure mental bonding of the two.

(This process is true for both men and women during sex)

* * * * * *

This thought process was confirmed by a man that always looked at his boots during his moment of ejaculation (with a female or during masturbation).... and after tens years he found that he could not achieve an orgasm with out having his boots on.

[Brian37]

I must confess that after warping my brain to pornography, I cannot achieve orgasm with my wife during sex...

we are working with a sex counselor (over the phone) to try and cure things

Men are so wired to perform in bed that if they cannot achieve orgasm, they can easily become depressed and it starts a trickle effect on any relationship

Sex doesnt (and shouldnt) always have to be about orgasm...

[ellegirl]

rhapsody, thank you for your detailed reply! it gives me a lot to think about and i will remember this when my partner and i are trying to acheive orgasm.

Brian, I completely agree that sex shouldnt be all about orgasming either.Im trying to help my partner take his time, learn to enjoy it instead of feeling rushed toward orgasm.i think this is half his issue. And im sorry to hear about the porn issue. Its not uncommon, but im sure with some support you and your wife can conquer it