[hello2323]

I have been with my husband for 6 years, 2 married. We have a beautiful daughter. We have a great relationship all around most of the time. We have always joked about bringing another women home. About a month ago, we did, with my best friend - which I am totally fine with. We talked about it, everyone was game, and I have no issues with that.

He shares a very small office space with a cute, young gal. They were becomming very friendly with texting, myspace, he always had some story about her when he got home from work. This drove me crazy and I told him that. I tried being, what he called, controlling telling him that I didn't like the little relationship that they had going on, stop texting, stop talking to her about personal things, no more myspace, etc. He was very upset because he considered her a friend (which he doesn't have many of) and didn't understand why I couldn't just trust him. "He loves me very much and would never want anything other then what he has." This past weekend he tricked me into going out with her because he knew that once I got to know her that I would realize there was nothing to worry about and her and I would end up being good friends. Of course, her and I had a GREAT time out and ended up joining my husband in bed after drinking way too much. The night was extreamly crazy and no "corner" was left unturned. It was a fun and crazy night. Now I'm terribly regreatful and mad at myself for letting something like that happen. Now I'm even more worried then ever about them two and what relationship between them will follow. And I'm not worried about a sexual relationship because I really don't think he would do that without me...I don't like thinking about the emotional relationship.. I feel like he's constantly texting her, myspacing her, etc now more then ever. He does usually tell me what they are talking about but I just want it to STOP. He tells me I'm insecure and have nothing to worry about; he just likes teasing her, etc.

Why did I do this? Is there some kind of disorder that I have? I'm not a lesbian but do enjoy kissing women. I can't believe that I've watched my husband have sex with two other women in the past month and even encouraged it. Yes, I encouraged it. And watched it. I was not regreatful about the first time but this time is driving me crazy knowing that he spends all day everyday with her at work. It's almost like I want him to have everything he desires and since we have always joked about having a threesome, I'm doing it for him. But, I enjoy it in the moment.

I really don't want to go to see anyone about this issue and am hoping that someone on here has some good words of advice or has sort of been where I am at. How do I get over this and why did I do this???

By the way, I really am not crazy....I'm the girl who is your neighbor that NO BODY would ever expect this lifestyle from...

Why did I do this...with a girl who I already had a complex about in regards to my husbands relationship with. If i wouldn't have brought her home I wouldn't have had another thought in my mind that they were just friends.

I'm glad I found this website and hope someone can give me some words of advice.

[hello2323]

I sure wish someone out there had some words of advice for me...

[Brian37]

I don't think you have the problem....its your husband....you cant change what happened, but if you want it to stop then tell him "TO STOP"

if he truly loves you he will...

communication is the key

hope this helps

[hello2323]

I've been trying to communicate with him and he thinks I am again, being controlling, treating him like a child, and always questioning everything he is doing. How do I communicate with him without him telling me that I'm just being insecure? Even when I ask him a question about work or whatever, he always assumes that I'm asking in a round about way about this other girl. (Maybe I am, but I don't mean to be.) We have had a HORRIBLE week and I just can't figure out how to make this better.

[bebop]

I am sorry you are having a rough time of it. maybe somewhere in you you think he is missing out on something since he seems to want a 3some. those type things are for very few in the world I think. they do cause alot of trust issues but you seem to have had this issue before the last time you did it. here is how I see it as an outsider....you were ok with a 3some when it was your friend....but not ok now that it is his friend. I do understand how you feel though but they work together so I dont think telling him not to text her and talk to her is going to work. just try to move forward and be assured that he is with you at night. right? good luck hon.

[Brian37]

you have every right to ask him about his work and who he talks with

if he becomes angry and irritable its because he feels guilty and is hiding something

he is obviously not in this marriage to love you unconditionally

he is acting like a child and needs to realize there are serious issues here

maybe kicking his %$# out of the house for a few days might wake him up

if i sound a little harsh its because your post is the reason marriage in this country has
become a social event rather than a commitment before God

take the bull by the horns and reign him in or open the gate and let him "roam" the open pasture until he realizes his pe*&% is not his master

[Martina]

Well aside from me being a bit jealous...

I think your husband is into the threesome idea, and might be hoping to have a nice poly-amorous relationship with you and this girl from work.

You need to let him know that this is NOT okay for you. You are married, you took vows. Even if you did allow this to happen once or twice, that doesn't mean it is okay forever. But he needs to know that is how you feel.

And don't beat yourself up for being "abnormal" or "wrong" - your feelings were valid, there is nothing wrong with you.

[hello2323]

Thank you all for your replies.

Martina, why do you say that you are a bit jealous? Because you want to be me, or him?? He does know how I feel about it. I really wouldn't have any issues if it wasn't with this girl who I already had issues with before.

Brian, thank you for bringing up what marriage should be. What's funny about that is my husband is very into going to Church and is all about being religious. I think I am going to attempt to use that approach with him to see if we can get back to it being just between us...