[salukigirl]

The past week or so I have been having terrible dreams. One night I dreamt that my sister, brother and I were all hanging out at a bar and my brother very nonchalantly says "yeah I molested you when you were little" like it didn't matter. Then I had a dream a few days later that I was talking to my bf and he tells me that his dad forced him to be with a prostitute when he was a little kid.

I don't get where these dreams are coming from. I know there was another but don't really remember it right now. I'm just hating going to sleep now.

[Perna]

Oh, that does sound very unpleasant! Those are the kinds of dreams where I'm glad I can remind myself I was "only" dreaming. Sounds like you are trying to get an important, strong message to yourself, "forcefully". I'd look at what's going on with the bf as I'd think brother is a milder form of bf, same sex and a sibling (can't get much "closer" biologically). You still feeling strongly about his job/lack of job, etc.? Making excuses for his not holding up his end of the money/earning equation (he was prostituted as a kid so you'll give him a break). The two dreams together look remarkably similar to me only you are working hard and supporting both of you, despite your brother molesting you but he's offering excuses, his father forced him to be with a prostitute.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

The past week or so I have been having terrible dreams. One night I dreamt that my sister, brother and I were all hanging out at a bar and my brother very nonchalantly says "yeah I molested you when you were little" like it didn't matter. Then I had a dream a few days later that I was talking to my bf and he tells me that his dad forced him to be with a prostitute when he was a little kid.

I don't get where these dreams are coming from. I know there was another but don't really remember it right now. I'm just hating going to sleep now.

Hi, Salukigirl!

Have you tried thinking very good things or having very satisfying fantasies before you go to sleep? Have you tried reading a very friendly book for an hour or so before you go to sleep? If you're religious, have you tried very intense prayer for an hour or so before you go to sleep? Have you tried having a very pleasant conversation with either your brother or your boy friend before you go to sleep? What do you usually do for the hour or so before you go to sleep? What do you usually think about?

I have found that reviewing certain specific, non-sexual fantasies works wonders on my ability to go to sleep and stay asleep, and I have had sleeping problems all my life.

Do you have a T or a p-doc? If you do, have you discussed the situation with them? Are you living with other people that you feel comfortable with? Why not discuss the entire bad dream problem with them right before you go to sleep? My sleep demons hate being talked about and run away when I point the finger at them before I go to sleep (I'm using the word "demons" in a figurative way. I do not believe in the existence of "demons.")

Hope this helps! Take care!

[salukigirl]

I would have never put those together about the dreams and supporting my bf but that does make sense. Finally today I broke down and had a panic attack that has been building up for almost a week now. The other day at work I had a stabbing pain in my left side and all day yesterday I felt light headed and actually got sick once last night and then today we went grocery shopping and every time he put something in the cart all I could think about was draining my bank account to pay for everything.

I hope to god he gets this job tomorrow because it is starting to wear on me and apparently affect every aspect of my life. I'm glad you brought that up thought because I was really worried that those dreams felt so real and I started going the route of "holy crap, did my brother really molest me and I have been repressing it this whole time?!" which I know isn't true but it was really playing mind tricks on me.

And right now I don't have insurance because I'm in between graduating and starting grad school. So starting in the fall I will have ins thru the school and be able to see someone but I havent been able to for a while now. I originally went to my old T for PTSD from my past abusive relationship so, for insurance purposes, he could only see me for a certain amount of time and so many sessions until they deemed me "cured" and then I had to have another reason to go. Hopefully school insurance is more lenient with that though.

Thanks guys. I feel much better now.

[Perna]

There's an inner/outer thing going on too, if you think about it. Incest versus prostitution. You're keeping your feelings too bottled up inside? Hence the panic attacks? Neither way seems to "work" for you, either bottling your feelings up or trying to get your bf to change, get a job, prostitute himself for you. What other ways are there?

[salukigirl]

Well he got the job today but (of course) there are a ton of things wrong with it and theres no way he will be able to work there for more than just a few months (for quite a few reasons) so I went to go look for more jobs for him and emailed him a couple then got a snippy attitude when I told him because poor little him he doesn't wanna think about it. Like I wanna go to work for 8 hours a day then come home, cook AND look for jobs for you?! No friggen wonder I'm stressed. If this kid acted any more like a baby I would go to jail for being a pedophile because its hard to tell that hes even over 15 sometimes.

[Perna]

I'm sorry he's not helping your stress. At least there's a few months respite, something good might come up by Fall when you're both (?) back in school?

[Perna]

I just had a funny though (unfortunately not ha-ha type funny) but would you feel lost not feeling stressed? How would you "continue" what would be your incentive/energy without having to push yourself and/or him?

Maybe the dreams, because the abuse happened in the past is about you pushing yourself (being "behind" yourself, old problems flagellating you) to achieve rather than going toward achievement "naturally"? Goad versus carrot. Everything will be easier when you all are through school or have jobs or get whatever is "next" and he never quite cooperates but rather than cut your losses and try to do it alone or find a better partner, you can push him when you yourself are doing well or point to him when the overall situation isn't optimal?

[salukigirl]

An old T of mine brought up the same thing. He flat out asked me "well if you don't want to be depressed anymore, just stop" and said that he thought that I had just gotten so used to anxiety and depression that I was not allowing myself to be happy because it was foreign territory to me. I've always been that way and have always had panic attacks but if I just try to sit on the couch and just relax, that makes me more anxious than running around a mile a minute. I actually get more nervous not doing anything than when I have a ton on my plate.

[Perna]

I hate when that happens. I spent most of my life just resisting my stepmother's strong, controlling personality, so never learned to "want" for myself. I'm not negative at all, but I can immediately tell you what's "wrong" or where the holes are in any suggestion

[salukigirl]

Yeah, I have gotten a lot better at being the positive one and looking on the bright side but sometimes things just get so overwhelming I just snap. There is no real intermediate. Either Im fine or Im crazy. I have always had really weird dreams when Im stressed but never any kind of sexual reference so thats what freaked me out with those. Good ol subconscious making me go insane again.

[Blksheep77]

I have bad dreams also. Just about every night. I'm either lost, being chased or in danger. I come from a troubled family and maybe that' why I'm so messed up mentallly at night! Your not alone.... I hear that if there are things that are not resolved in our lives we deal with them subconciously.