[yakmom]

I am new here and don't even know what kind of help I need. I have nightmares almost every night. They mostly have to do with my ex-husband who was NOT a nice man. I was married to him for 20 years and believe me when I said I had no way out. I married him when I was 16 (no I wasn't pregnant, just stupid as you know what). He was a manipulator of the first order among other things and still is. I am out of his reach, but our 29 year old son is not.

The nightmares occur right before I wake up and I wake up afraid, disoriented and panicky. I have never been dx'd. w/ PTSD from this marriage, but I fit every diagnostic criteria for it. I have MDD, recurrent and Panic d/o.

I am now married to a really great guy (12 years) although I swore I'd never marry again. This marriage also has it's share of issues and trauma, though not from him. He was dx'd w/ bi-polar after his son's death in 2010.

I don't even know what to say... please help me. I will describe as best I can without triggering anyone if someone will let me know what I need to relay.
Thank You,
Yak

[Thunder Bow]

Are working with a Therapist on this? Anxiety is what is causing the nightmares.

[yakmom]

No, the following is my experience with therapists:
1. The first counselor turned pale, started sweating, took a phone call and came back in and started talking about how sin as a entity was destroying the world and how the Aztecs and Egyptians communicated via the pyramids. (no this is not a joke or delusion, it happened.
2. The lady I scheduled after #1 cancelled on me after I took off work to go see her. TWICE. and I was shuffled to a young lady who, although nice, had to take her textbooks out to see where I was.
3. Thinking third time was the charm, I sat in a conference room with the third counselor who after listening to my story, watching me cry, sob, (runny nose and all that) for 1 hour and 20 minutes told me "I hate to tell you this, but I won't be your therapist, someone else will. I'm the Director of counseling services". Sad, but true.
So, I sat through two episodes with another therapist. I had already been doing everything that she instructed me to do.
So, I don't know what to do. I would like to see a Psychiatrist. I just don't know if he/she would want to hear this stuff prior to treating me. There's a ton of stuff to tell.

[medkev13]

^^What TB Said^^

Also, standard PTSD nightmares. Definitely get wit ha therapist. They may also prescribe you a sleep med that will limit your dream cycle so that the nightmares keep at bay.

Don't give up on therapy because you have a few bad experiences. Remember, you have the right to fire, and hire, your therapist. Be empowered by that. You know yourself the best and you've already determined what the core probably is. You'll find a good one, give it time.

[yakmom]

Thank You. I appreciate your comments. We have an EAP here at work that will schedule therapy at one of several (my choosing) facilities. I think I have found a good set of forums at psychcentral. I had two dreams last night, one nightmare content per usual scenarios and one regular dream (high school reunion). Thank you again.

[medkev13]

Keep us posted (no pun intended)

[cloudyn808]

I had Neurofeedback and 30-years of terrifying nightmares are totally gone!

[yakmom]

Here I am all these months later. Still having nightmares. Did try therapy. Wanted me to set boundaries. Hmmm. I never see the cause of my nightmares, why should I set boundaries? I forgave him for my part, but not for his manipulation of our now grown son.

[Thunder Bow]

Dreams are all about our feelings. They are our internal mirrors. They are how our mind process our days events and our feelings around them, and our feelings about self. What is going on in real life, that mirrors your nightmares?

[gopi007bond]

I am having sleep problems. I get up in the middle of my sleep. Some uneasy dream wakes me up. I am taking ayurvedic sleep pills. Please advice me.

[gopi007bond]

I also got terrible nightmares. As if I am lost and doesn't have any reason to live.

[yakmom]

gopi007bond, many of mine center around being lost. Searching for something or trying to get to someone. Twice in the past month I have had panic attacks in my dreams. Now, whether in actuality I was panicking in my sleep I don't know, but it felt real in my dreams. The therapist I saw last (july/august) just didn't get it. I don't think anyone does. I need HELP with the anxiety that skitters under my skin. I need help with the depression that hurts my heart so badly I just don't know what to do. If I could run away, I would. But, I can't. Taking care of my 88 y/o MIL and sometimes she is not nice. She lives on her own and my husband and I take care of most her needs, but we are the ones she throws under the bus. Her other children do not come around. A phone call once a month and they're done. These are the boundaries the therapist wanted me to set. I have. I am going to stick to them too. But, when she pushes her first alert button (that we have paid for 5+ years) at 3am b/c she hears something, WE are the ones who respond. No, she won't go to a nursing home or living center. Out of the question. I just want to take my husband and run away where there is no one pulling at us 24/7. Please, oh please, don't tell me how blessed I am to have her. My parents died at 54 and 71. I WAS blessed to have them.

[Lugus]

Nightmares can have many different causes. These causes would include:
1. Spinal injury – I got this from Edgar Cayce.
2. Certain medications/drugs may have a similar effect.
3. Sometimes there are internal conflicts within the psyche of the dreamer. I see this primarily in the dreams of people who suppress parts of their personalities. In these dreams, there might be one dream person or many who fight with others in the dream including the dreamer. In these types of dreams, fighting with these dream people rarely works.
4. However, sometimes the dreamer will have nightmares that relive a violent event in the dreamer’s past. In these dreams, I believe that the best approach is to fight the attacker. This seems to be what we have here.

Your survival speaks volumes. You are an inspiration to those of us who believe that life has been too difficult. I believe that, for most people, fighting back in our dreams takes an enormous amount of personal power. So, how is this personal power developed? Here again – I can only give my opinion.
1. Strengthen your ego. To get this far in this life shows that you are a remarkable person.
2. Eventually, your dreams should begin to change. You should hopefully meet other parts of yourself who want to help. You may even meet helpful spirits.
3. Continue fighting these nightmares.
4. And here is something that any of us could try. When you are in bed ready for sleep, give yourself positive reinforcements. You might tell yourself that you are powerful and can defeat this evil. Try to do this every night.
5. As you are ready to drift off, you may want to request spiritual help. I believe that there are spirits who want to help us but we need to ask them. This is also something that should be done every night.

And, for what’s worth, Cayce said that suffering, stress and depression help raise the kundalini. And from my limited experience, I believe that kindness can also help with a spiritual awakening.

Hope this helps.

[yugh]

Dear Yakmom,
Can you please tell me about the nightmares? Tell me about one that recurs over and over and over again. Get it all out and then post it here. I will likely then come back and ask you some questions about your dream. Then I'll then interpret your dream as if it was mine.
With kind regards,
Guy

[yakmom]

Thank You for you posts. Many of my nightmares surround searching for someone. Much of them time it is my Mother (died when I was 21 natural causes). I am never quite able to get to her. Sometimes she is in the dream and I am searching for someone else or trying to get caught up with someone. My son is ALWAYS small 7 or 8 in my dreams. He's 30 in real life. In my dream last night, he was afraid of a monster that lived in a creek and running away from it. I was trying to catch up to him and he ran into a closet and I wasn't able to get to him. There are almost always two settings for these dreams. The house I grew up in and later lived in for 15 years (was a safe home) and my childhood church. The dream last night had my Mother, my Father (died at 71 stroke) and was so real that I can still feel their presence. But...in the dream I said "My mother died in 1983" and my Father said "Shut Up! You've destroyed everything!". In real life, he would never have said that. Quiet, loving man. I don't know, but it is distressing to not be able to have normal dreams. Thank You all again for your posts.

[Thunder Bow]

Anxiety can cause bad dreams. People in dreams often represent parts of oneself. Dreams often mirror how we are feeling in real life. Your mind in these dream is processing how you are feeling about yourself.

[yugh]

Hi Yakmom,
Okay, if you're willing, let's take last night's dream and work with it a bit. I have a number of questions about your dream. Take your time and answer them as best you can recall.

Scenes:
1. How many scenes were there in this dream? List them all. Don’t skip over any assuming you either don’t want to tell me or, you don’t think they’re important.

For each scene please answer the following as best you can Put yourself in the role of an observer in your dream and slowly go through it without have to relive all the emotions:

Location:
1. Where was the dream scene located?
2. For those scenes that occurred outdoors, look around to your left, right, in front, behind and below you. Tell me exactly what you see, letting me know which direction you are looking at. Tell me what you are standing on as well and also the colour of it.
3. You mentioned a creek. Where was the creek relative to you? Was the water flowing towards you or, away from you?
4. I am assuming one or more of these scenes occurred indoors…correct? If so, tell me which rooms the dream scenes occurred in.
a. Tell me what each of the rooms you were in were made of.
b. Tell me the colour of the walls and floors
c. What were the floors made of?
d. Tell me if there were any doors, windows or stairs. If so, tell me where they were in each room relative to you, i.e. left, right, above, below, in front or behind. I know this may seem like a strange request but you’ll soon see what it can reveal about yourself.
e. If there were any windows were they any drapes over it? If so what were they made of and what colour?
f. What were the doors made of?

Lighting:
1. For each scene tell me the lighting. Was it bright, dull, dark, etc.
2. Then tell me, if you can recall, where the lighting was coming from.

Objects:
1. Were there any objects in any of the scenes? If so, tell me the following:
a. What they were made of?
b. Where the object in each scene was relative to you, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, above or below.
c. Tell me the color and age of the object.

People/Monsters:
Monster:
1. Take your time and carefully, unemotionally, describe the monster to me. Things I am fishing around for include:
a. Height
b. Race if possible to describe
c. What type of animal it might have been
d. Colour of it
e. If you could see it’s eyes and teeth describe them to me in as much detail as you can recall
f. Arms, hands and feet – describe them to me in as much detail as you can recall.
2. For each scene, tell me where the monster was relative to you in the dream, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, above or below.
3. If there was any words or thoughts the monster conveyed I WANT YOU TO EXACTLY DESCRIBE THEM to the best of your recall.
4. Is the monster the same dream to dream? If not, then describe any differences.
Son:
1. Tell me what you son was wearing in the dream and the colour of his clothes.
2. How do you know he’s 7-8 years old in each dream?
3. Are there any differences when he was 7-8 and his dream self?
4. Is he always the same dream to dream? If not, then tell me any differences.
5. Tell me where he was in each dream scene relative to you, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, etc.
6. Does he say anything in the dream scenes.? This is very important. Try to tell me exactly what he says.

Mother:
1. Tell me what the age of your mother is in the dream. How do you know?
2. What is she wearing? What colours are her clothes?
3. Is there any differences between the dream mother and your mother in life? If so, tell me what they were.
4. Tell me where your mother is relative to you in the scene, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, etc.
5. Is she lying down, sitting, standing or walking in the dream.
6. Did your mother say anything in the dream? If so, tell me exactly what she said.

Father:
1. Tell me what age your father was in your dream. How do you know?
2. What is he wearing? What colours are his clothes?
3. Is there any differences between the dream father and your father in life when he was living? If so, tell me what they were.
4. Tell me where your father is relative to you in the scene, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, etc.
5. Is he lying down, sitting, standing or walking in each scene.
6. Tell me exactly what your father said in each scene?

Others:
1. Did you see, or feel a presence from any others in each dream scene?
2. If so, then please tell me where they were relative to you, i.e. left, right, in front, behind, above or below.
3. What were they wearing? What colour were there clothes?
4. If they said anything, then please tell me what they said.

Thoughts/Feelings:
This is a very important part of your dreams. What I want you to do for each scene is:
1. Tell me your first thought/feeling as the dream begins.
a. I am interested in knowing for your recurring dreams if the first thought/feeling is the same or not?
2. Tell me any changes in your thoughts/feelings as the scene progresses.
3. Then tell me your last thought/feeling as the scene ends.
4. When you wake up from the last scene, what is your first thought/feeling?

Okay, I realize this is a whole lot of work I am asking you to do. HOWEVER, I have worked with others where it’s worked for them. So, if you’d like my interpretation of your dream as if it was mine, then calmly take your time and do your best at recall.

With kind regards,
Guy

Originally Posted by yakmom

Thank You for you posts. Many of my nightmares surround searching for someone. Much of them time it is my Mother (died when I was 21 natural causes). I am never quite able to get to her. Sometimes she is in the dream and I am searching for someone else or trying to get caught up with someone. My son is ALWAYS small 7 or 8 in my dreams. He's 30 in real life. In my dream last night, he was afraid of a monster that lived in a creek and running away from it. I was trying to catch up to him and he ran into a closet and I wasn't able to get to him. There are almost always two settings for these dreams. The house I grew up in and later lived in for 15 years (was a safe home) and my childhood church. The dream last night had my Mother, my Father (died at 71 stroke) and was so real that I can still feel their presence. But...in the dream I said "My mother died in 1983" and my Father said "Shut Up! You've destroyed everything!". In real life, he would never have said that. Quiet, loving man. I don't know, but it is distressing to not be able to have normal dreams. Thank You all again for your posts.

[JosephRico.]

Lets talk to God! Read the bible and pray this Psalm4:8 every night! It helped me a lot.

[yakmom]

Wow! I don't think I can give that kind of detail. What I wrote above is about all I remember. I'm sorry. I don't remember that much detail. Just bits and pieces. I am always on the ground. I don't levitate or anything. The monster is an alligator and no I didn't get any feelings from the monster, the creek was flowing away from me and taking the alligator thing with it. My son runs across the pasture to my sister's old house and goes into the closet there. The closet is dark and long in reality and in the dream. That's about all I know. The weather is clear and sunny in all scenes. JosephRico, I do talk to God. Several times a day and before going to bed at night. I will look up Ps.4:8. Thanks for the suggestion.

[yugh]

Hi Yakmom,
It’s okay you can’t recall that much. What I have learnt from my dreams is that each dream scene is full of information for ourselves if we are looking for it. Dreams are for each of us to interpret on our own. Therefore, if anything I say below doesn’t resonate with you, then simply discard it. So with that said, off I go…

I always start with the location in my dreams. Why? I have found that the location, in effect spiritually frames in a dream. I could have selected anywhere for this recurring dream BUT I have selected this place for it.

The first thing I note is that I am outside in the sun. In my dreams, this is usually what I call a “teaching dream”. The sun is a symbol of my higher self. It is shining down on me spiritually “en-lightening” me.

My son and I are in a pasture. There is a creek with water flowing away from me. Nature in my dreams is a symbol of my feminine. Water is also a symbol of my feminine. I note it is “running away from me” rather than towards me.

My son is in the dream but 7-8 years of age. Is this my son or, is he a symbol? A symbol. Of my masculine. So why is my masculine showing myself at the age of 7-8 years. I am showing myself that something happened to me when I was this age that I need to go back and review.

And there is always a monster in my dream that my masculine is running away from (just like the water flowing away from me)…an alligator. I am very scared of it.

Who’s the alligator? My totem. Totems are spiritual guides that use different forms to work with us. When I come across totems in my life or those of others whom I help, the first reference I use is “Animal Speak” by Ted Andrews. Here’s what Ted has to say about alligators…

“ALLIGATORS and CROCODILES
KEYNOTE: Primal Energies of Birth, Motherhood, and Initiation

Alligators and crocodiles have had mixed symbology and imagery throughout the ages. To the ancient Egyptians they have been associated with fury and ferocity-the same aspects often given within mythologies to the unbridled feminine/ creative forces of the world. The viciousness and destructive power was often symbolized as a mother swallowing her young. Inherent within this was the idea that there could not be death without life or life without death.

All alligators and crocodiles inhabit the water and the land. Water was always associated with the Great Mother, the feminine principle of life and therefore birth. Water, though, can also swallow you up. Creation and destruction and the
more creation. This is the primal essence reflected within these reptiles.

Birth and death in any form are initiations, events that mark the end of one period and the beginning of a new. This indicates the culmination of knowledge on one level and the seeking for newer knowledge on others. All of this is reflected within the essence of alligators and crocodiles.

They patrol the waters and the shorelines that separate land from waterbirth from death, etc. In this sense they can be seen as the keepers and protectors of all knowledge. They are the primal mothers in whom all knowledge rests and waits to be born.

This becomes even more significant when we realize that crocodiles and alligators are excellent mothers, which is unusual among reptiles. Both lay between 20 and 60 eggs, and when the young develop enough within the eggs to begin squeaking from the inside, the mother answers and helps them to hatch. She then carries them gently in her mouth down to the water.

Aside from the mothering energies attributed to these reptiles, they have been depicted in other ways as well in mythology. In the Hindu tradition Va run a, the god of waters, rides on a crocodile’s back. Also in Egypt, because of its association with mud, it was often used as a symbol for fertility and power-with mud being the mixture of water and earth that enables new life to grow.

In medieval Europe and earlier, because of their appearance (long body and tail), the alligator and crocodile were associated with the dragon. Sometimes it had the dragon’s negative correspondence and sometimes the more positive. The dragon was often the guardian of treasures, often symbolic of hidden wisdom. Because alligators and crocodiles seem to hide within the water while guarding them, they were given the same role as the mythical dragons-the guardians of mystical treasures and wisdoms. To encounter an alligator or crocodile was to indicate an opportunity to begin to unfold and develop some new wisdom-wisdom that could swallow you up if not used carefully.

They are different animals, although close relatives. One of the primary differences is that the crocodile has a tooth that sticks upward from the lower jaw and the alligator does not. Alligators will build a nest of mud and leaves while the crocodile will dig a hole in the sand.

Crocodiles and alligators both have their eyes high on their head. This, of course, serves a practical purpose, enabling them to remain relatively hidden beneath the waters while still able to seek out prey. On a more symbolic level it hints at higher vision and clairvoyance.

Although often considered silent creatures, they do vocalize. They hiss loudly when
threatened. During mating season, they are known to roar.

Alligators serve a wonderful function in the conservation of other water animals. They will dig “gator holes”-small ponds of fresh water. These potholes in the mud slowly fill with the last remaining water in an area, creating a miniature oasis that will enable it and other animal life to survive.

The alligator has a much more rapid growth rate than the crocodile. The average adult can grow to be around twelve feet. It can grow as much as a foot a year until it reaches its ultimate length. In cooler climates, the growth rate is less. Alligators rarely live past the age of 60. For those with this totem, you will see opportunity for
initiation and the accumulation and use of new knowledge and wisdom occur more rapidly than with a crocodile totem, but it can also be more dangerous if not balanced. An alligator digests its food very slowly, reflecting a need to not go too fast too soon. Digest what you have experienced and learned before moving on to the knew.

The crocodile has its own unique characteristics as well. It is most famous for shedding its “crocodile tears” a phrase that hints at fake sympathy and sadness. A crocodile does shed tears, but it is not out of pain or sorrow. It is done to rid the eyes of salt. For those with the crocodile totem, care of the eyes will be important. If it has shown up as a totem, ask yourself some questions. Are you refusing to show emotions when you should? Are you showing emotions that are not true? Don’t allow yourself to be blinded by emotions.

A crocodile will also keep its mouth open for extra cooling. Yoga teaches different breathing techniques in order to affect different systems in the body and the flow of energy. There are “cooling breaths.” Studying and practicing these would be beneficial for anyone with this totem- especially when emotional situations around you begin to get hot.

If an alligator or crocodile has shown up, look for an opportunity to touch very primal energies. There is going to be an opportunity for strong birth and/ or initiation that will open new knowledge and wisdom in some area of your life.”

So, I am running away from a totem that is here to help me.

I then enter an old house and enter a long and dark closet. So what’s this about?

It’s what I call a “belief compartment”. I am surrounded by old beliefs that are now spiritually “hemming me in”. It’s also a low vibration set of beliefs, i.e. it’s dark.

The dream last night had my Mother, my Father (died at 71 stroke) and was so real that I can still feel their presence. But...in the dream I said "My mother died in 1983" and my Father said "Shut Up! You've destroyed everything!" So what’s the meaning of this?

Is my mother my mother in my dream? Yes. My father? No. Ah…he’s a symbol of what I call my old masculine. So what do I mean by this.

When I first began to record my dreams, I found there were frequently an old man and an old woman in my dreams. They might appear different BUT they were almost always in my dreams. At first, I didn’t know what to make of it.

Then, a young girl and boy began to also appear in the dreams along with the old man and woman. They too appeared differently. For a long while, they were what could be called “bit actors” in a dream scene sort of just following along.

As I used meditation, it came to me to use my higher self to help me interpret my dreams. So, slowly, I figured out the old man and woman were symbols of my feminine. Then I learnt, much to my own surprise, that the young girl and boy were symbols of feminine and masculine and were showing me what I could become if I choose to listen to myself.

I did. Slowly the old man and woman faded out of my dreams and the young girl and boy grew up.

So I realized I was showing myself to myself as well as giving me a vision of what I could become. I then called the old couple my old masculine and feminine and the young ones my new masculine and feminine.

In my dream, I’m using my son as a symbol of my young masculine. My father is a symbol of my old masculine.

There is something very significant that happened in my life in 1983 that I am directing my attention back to. I need to reflect on this.

My old masculine is saying… “Shut Up! You've destroyed everything!" My masculine is very afraid of my feminine. So I am using what I call a set of command/control beliefs to tell myself to “shut up”. I don’t trust my feminine and by trusting myself, my old masculine feels I will be destroyed.

If this was my dream I would be somewhat laughing at myself. Why? I am running away from the very thing that is there to help me, i.e. my totem. It’s because I am afraid to trust my feminine that the water is running away from me and I am running away from a totem that immerses itself in my feminine.

I am also sending myself a very strong message to reflect on the time when I was 7-8 years old and 1983. Whatever it is, it’s important for me to face myself.

I hope that some of what I have written resonates deep within you.

With kind regards,
Guy

Originally Posted by yakmom

Wow! I don't think I can give that kind of detail. What I wrote above is about all I remember. I'm sorry. I don't remember that much detail. Just bits and pieces. I am always on the ground. I don't levitate or anything. The monster is an alligator and no I didn't get any feelings from the monster, the creek was flowing away from me and taking the alligator thing with it. My son runs across the pasture to my sister's old house and goes into the closet there. The closet is dark and long in reality and in the dream. That's about all I know. The weather is clear and sunny in all scenes. JosephRico, I do talk to God. Several times a day and before going to bed at night. I will look up Ps.4:8. Thanks for the suggestion.

[yakmom]

Thank You so much for spending so much time on my dream. You have given me much to think about. Thanks again.

[yugh]

You're most welcome. I wish you well on your journey.
Guy

Originally Posted by yakmom

Thank You so much for spending so much time on my dream. You have given me much to think about. Thanks again.