[MtnTime2896]

This is a dream but it is potentially triggering.

I keep having this dream, both asleep and awake.

I'm holding my dad's 9mm. and I'm standing on a bridge over the interstate. Something tells me that I had planned to jump, but was stopped. There are lights and sirens behind me and traffic is stopped. It's late evening and there isn't much light, the street lights have just turned on. I'm viewing myself in the third person at first and then it turns into first person. I'm staring at the gun but I'm not gripping it; just letting it rest in my hand. A male officer without a face is behind me yelling at me to drop the gun and telling me to step away from the edge. Now, I grip the gun but keep my finger off the trigger like I was taught to. The officer continues to plead for me to listen, but I tune him out entirely. I'm not crying, I'm not laughing. I don't feel anything, not despair or grief; nothing. I feel nothing. I turn around to look at the officer with no face. I know what I'm about to do.

I'm stopping there because I think this is all triggering enough and I don't want to give anyone more ideas or anything. At the end of the dream, I'm dead. I wake up, not scared but not indifferent. I wake up pissed that it wasn't real.

Just nine more days....I just have to hold on nine more days.

[MtnTime2896]

This dream/daydream is becoming a real problem. I haven't slept in thirty hours and I don't think I'm going to be able to at all the rest of tonight, at least. It's like I'm tired but I'm so awake. Not to mention the fact that this damn dream is taking over my thoughts constantly. It won't leave my head. Before it was at least passing, now it's all I seem to think about. I don't know if it's causing the sleeplessness or if it's a product of it. My dissociation also has a tendency to get worse and worse with lack of sleep. Before these thirty hours, I had only gotten four hours of broken sleep.

I just want to sleep, preferably without dreams...

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

This dream/daydream is becoming a real problem. I haven't slept in thirty hours and I don't think I'm going to be able to at all the rest of tonight, at least. It's like I'm tired but I'm so awake. Not to mention the fact that this damn dream is taking over my thoughts constantly. It won't leave my head. Before it was at least passing, now it's all I seem to think about. I don't know if it's causing the sleeplessness or if it's a product of it. My dissociation also has a tendency to get worse and worse with lack of sleep. Before these thirty hours, I had only gotten four hours of broken sleep.

I just want to sleep, preferably without dreams...

"trigger" "trigger" "trigger"
So' Leigheas, I have had a simmular incident, but it wasn't a dream. It was an attempt to take my own life, but in mine there wasn't any police, or a bridge. As you know from me typing this that my plan didn't work the way i had planned, and i spent over a month in a hospital, and several months of after care, but it has taught me that every day i wake up is a good day. It may not be a day that i want to go through, but it is still one of my days.I don't always wan't to go through some days, but the flip side to that is to not see, touch, smell, hear, taste, or think of anything/anyone i love, like, hate, ect... " to not be" Do you have psycoligical help? If you do they can give you something to help you sleep, and to help you get through these feelings/thoughts. It takes time, and you have to give diffrent things a chance to work, or not. This is something that isn't a quick fix. I don't know your history, but if you don't have help at the moment please seek help. You can go to any ER, and be honest with them, and they will get you the help you need. Weather you realize it or not, each one of us ar important. You are here for a reason. If you would like to message me, i would be happy to be your friend, My life isn't perfect, or even anything great, i have many problems of my own, but i have learned a few things from my time in 2009 with that gun, to my life now. I also hope who ever else may read this, it may be a maximum trigger!!!

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

This is a dream but it is potentially triggering.

I keep having this dream, both asleep and awake.

I'm holding my dad's 9mm. and I'm standing on a bridge over the interstate. Something tells me that I had planned to jump, but was stopped. There are lights and sirens behind me and traffic is stopped. It's late evening and there isn't much light, the street lights have just turned on. I'm viewing myself in the third person at first and then it turns into first person. I'm staring at the gun but I'm not gripping it; just letting it rest in my hand. A male officer without a face is behind me yelling at me to drop the gun and telling me to step away from the edge. Now, I grip the gun but keep my finger off the trigger like I was taught to. The officer continues to plead for me to listen, but I tune him out entirely. I'm not crying, I'm not laughing. I don't feel anything, not despair or grief; nothing. I feel nothing. I turn around to look at the officer with no face. I know what I'm about to do.

I'm stopping there because I think this is all triggering enough and I don't want to give anyone more ideas or anything. At the end of the dream, I'm dead. I wake up, not scared but not indifferent. I wake up pissed that it wasn't real.

Just nine more days....I just have to hold on nine more days.

Please read my post on your next post. Also why do you have to hold on 9 more days, and what is the pilot thing? I want to help if i can, it is up to you.

[MtnTime2896]

The "pilot thing" is just a signature from a song. Kind of holds a special meaning for me. The Monday after Thanksgiving is the day I plan to make it towards to go into treatment. I'm just trying not to do anything until then.

I'm really having a hard time making it to this date. I'm just tired of feeling like this, thinking like this and not knowing why. I can't keep this up.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

The "pilot thing" is just a signature from a song. Kind of holds a special meaning for me. The Monday after Thanksgiving is the day I plan to make it towards to go into treatment. I'm just trying not to do anything until then.

I'm really having a hard time making it to this date. I'm just tired of feeling like this, thinking like this and not knowing why. I can't keep this up.

You can make it. just take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, each time the thought crosses your mind, change what you are doing,change the channel on the tv, or raido, go for a walk, change what ever you are doing.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by katydid777

You can make it. just take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, each time the thought crosses your mind, change what you are doing,change the channel on the tv, or raido, go for a walk, change what ever you are doing.

I appreciate that. My mood's swinging up. Thing is, the thoughts and dreams don't really go away. The only difference is, I'm cool with it and don't get upset. Sort of weird. As long as I can get a grip before my mood swings back down again, I should be fine. Went to my therapist yesterday and starting meds today. I'm just going to have to find a way to kick my *** into sticking with the treatment. I have a hard time with that, considering I'm pretty stubborn about "I can handle this alone" sort of ****.
Thank you for all of your support and advice. You're pretty cool.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I appreciate that. My mood's swinging up. Thing is, the thoughts and dreams don't really go away. The only difference is, I'm cool with it and don't get upset. Sort of weird. As long as I can get a grip before my mood swings back down again, I should be fine. Went to my therapist yesterday and starting meds today. I'm just going to have to find a way to kick my *** into sticking with the treatment. I have a hard time with that, considering I'm pretty stubborn about "I can handle this alone" sort of ****.
Thank you for all of your support and advice. You're pretty cool.

Thank you, sometimes i have my head on stright, and then there are other days. I think we all have demonds, we just have to learn how to keep them under control. I am over 50, and i still have trouble with sleep, bad dreams, and flashbacks, and i sometimes have to take things just one moment at a time, and i make it through.