Truth...

What is truth? Is it how we see ourselves? How others see us? Or is it a combination of the two? Our realities and perceptions are the biggest truths we have. What we believe and percieve to be true in our minds is the truth. It's the truth we want to believe. Whether it's real or not, it's our own truth... our own reality. Can we change this? Most definately... but we have to want to. Mental illnesses, no matter what label, skew our views and beliefs about ourselves and others. Take depression for example. It wants to make us believe that we are worthless and that nobody cares for us nor would they want to. But is that true? Not even a little. For every person in this ENTIRE world, there's at least one other that cares for them and usually if sufferer would just open their eyes would see this. It's hard to do. Believe me, I know. So how can we feel good about ourselves when we're plagued by something so negative? By stepping outside our bodies and looking at ourselves from someone else's point of view. And not someone that we want to believe dislikes us. Someone like a dear friend or a parent. How do they see us? As someone wonderful and worthy of love and affection. My point is this... you chose your truth to a certain extent. IMHO, suffering from mental illness is almost a choice. We can either wallow in it or do something about it. I'm bipolar. So what. Is it going to ruin my life? Only if I let it. What's the answer? I really don't know. For me it was therapy, meds, soul searching, and getting back into the activities I used to enjoy that I thought I had lost. Make no mistake, I'm not saying I'm some kind of self esteem God. I have my bad days like everyone else. I choose to believe there's something better out there for me than wallowing in this mental illness. Any comments?

Ry

You have offered us much food for thought in this post. I have long since learned that while I respect and need other people's opinions in certain issues, the only opinion I can change is my own. I have to live with myself and if something needs to change, I must do it.

If we are ill, we go to a phycician who looks us over, decides if we need meds, surgery, a cast, etc, and we get better. If we sit at home, we will only get worse and more miserable.

So it goes with mental illness. Our illnesses lie to us. They cause us to perceive ourselves and the world around us in a distorted way, like the mirrors in a carnival fun house. If we choose to do so, we can find a clearer and more true image of ourselves.

My path to healing is also through medication and therapy. Sometimes I mess up and I'm back looking at the mirror in the fun house and sometimes I do well, and see the clear mirror.

My inner demons were so bad that I was terrified to go to my pdoc. Not only was I afraid of her, I was terrified to leave my house. It took trip after trip, each one getting a little closer to her office to just be able to get in her door, but I made it and I was on my way.

We have to fight to heal ourselves. We have to fight for our own realities and our own truths, if we choose to see the truth.

That's just it TWIN!!!!!!!! You see where I'm coming from on this one. You alone have the power to see yourself in a different light. I can't make you nor can anyone else here. We can help you to see yourself in that clear mirror, but ultimately YOU alone have to accept what you see. It only matters to me what I see in you until you accept what I see. Not that what I see in you is the absolutel truth, but sometimes what I see is better than what you see and vice versa. I'm so glad you popped in here. And you mentioned something I forgot to say. Practice makes close to perfect... since there is absolutely no perfect. You mention a fear of getting out of your house and going to the doc... but you practiced over and over again and each time you got a little farther. We should apply that to our lives and our self-esteem cause make no mistake, self-esteem takes practice. Look in that distorted mirror and find something good... one thing... that's all. Tomorrow look again and, while remembering that one thing from yesterday, find another good thing. Slowly as the days go by, and without realizing it, that mirror will become clear and you will see yourself for what you really are and the old you will be a complete stranger. That's where I'm headed. The old me was an amazing person. And every day the man I once was shows a little more of himself for the world to see. It's like putting a puzzle together. You have to take all these little good things you're finding out about yourself and put them together into the picture you want. You have the power and control. Paint your picture.

Ry

"It's like putting a puzzle together. You have to take all these little good things you're finding out about yourself and put them together into the picture you want. You have the power and control. Paint your picture."

It takes lot of time and healing to place the right puzzle peices to form the picture we want. Along the way, we will keep and then later discard peices that don't fit. Some of them will fit for a while and then we must discard them when we have a new peice that fits better.

That's how we grow. At the risk of using the mirror analogy ad nauseum, it's like a young girl looking at herself in a mirror. Over the years, as she grows, the little girl disappears and a teen appears. The teen goes away and suddenly, there is a beautiful young woman looking out of the mirror. The changes were inperceptable to her moment by moment, but over time, oh what changes transpired.

So it is with our healing. As long as we keep working and not give up, we will someday look in the mirror and see the person we want looking out at us...even if for just a moment. Remember the term "growing pains"? It takes pain to reinvent yourself and do what you must toward healing. But it's worth it, even you your happiness is fleeting. The next time joy returns, it will stay longer.

Again... TWIN!!!!!!!! You're awesome. There's a piece for your picture. You're right. I didn't see the slow decline into the mess I was when I first came here and I had to look back over the years to see what I had become. Now I'm climbing back out of it. I usually don't realize how I'm doing until someone points it out to me. But I'm feeling better and better every day. I don't see the changes immediately, but as you said "Oh what a change!" Good post Jan. Very good. And the key to remember when the pains set in is what you were, where you are, and what you want to be. Those discarded pieces that no longer fit, IMO, represent the set backs. You find something that you think fits. Later, you realize that you must let that one go. Even if you don't have a piece to replace it yet, you soon will. Dang Jan... you might have just bested me Great posting.

Ry

WOW, you guys! What a beautiful conversation you two have going here. I sense so much acceptance and love from the two of you towards yourselves. That's the beginning, the middle and the end of a healthy self-esteem.

Gonna stay out of this one. Don't want to muck up the waters.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You two keep it up. There's much to learn from the two of you. You've made my day!

(((((Tomi)))))

Thanks a million. I'm enjoying it too and your approval means the world to me.

Ry

And yes, Jan and I do have a very special friendship. Much love and appreciation for each other. And we've both been the "My opinion of you is better than yours" friend from time to time. Love ya twin.

Ry

(((((((((September))))))))))))))

You couldn't mess something up if you tried!!!

Jan

I love you, twin. One of the special things about our "twinship" is that we are always willing to listen to the other. It helps so much. I sure am glad I have you for my twin - most of the time.

Ditto Jan... Most of the time

So anyway, I was thinking (oh no!!!), What if the clear mirror gets shattered to the point that you can't seem to figure out what piece goes where? Ok, for me it's easy. I'm bipolar so it passes. But what about those who suffer from depression? Do you just have to start over, or will it pass as well? I know my opinions. I'd like input from others.

Ry

Susan, that's why I said suffering is the choice. You're absolutely right. I didn't choose to be bipolar but I am. Do I suffer? Yes... absolutely. But I suffer less and less with each pill I pop (rx'd I might add) and with each new therapy session. I'm choosing to not let it get me down. You made a good point, Susan, that I should have made more clear.

Ry

Just ask my husband if I can. LOLOL But then, that's HIS opinion. You're sweet to say that, though. Thankyouverymuch.

Ry, speaking for myself, my true mirror was destroyed when I was a child. It's taken me a lifetime to forge a new mirror. You see, once a mirror breaks, the reflection will always be distorted.

Very interesting point Tomi, and one that I hadn't thought of. But now that you mention it, so was mine. And then it was shattered again a couple years ago and now I'm putting it back together again. Thanks sweetie.

Ry

Any time, Luv.

As we grow up, we must disgard the clothes that are too small and wear bigger ones. Thus it is as we grow inside. All at once we realize the thoughts we had before no longer fit. We look upon a certain thing in a completely different way. It seems it sneaked up and attacked us, but it didn't . The new thinking was brought about by diligent work day in and day out, sometimes when we aren't even aware that we are doing it. This is true of forming new and better ways to look at things, but also for forming new and hindering thoughts and feelings, too. We must be on our guard to feed our minds and hearts good and positive things so that we grow in a healthy way.

This isn't easy. When you're having a bad day, it's just too hard to think "Happy Thoughts" and do the joy joy dance. Tomorrow comes though, and with a thirst for peace and healing, a little light might come in to nourish you, even if you have to call your t and explain you've fallen in the hole again.

If we nourish our bodies with foods that are good for us, we will feel better and our bodies will be healthy and strong. If we eat junk all of the time, our bodies will become ill and weak. So it goes with our well being. When we feed our heart and minds "junk" we will start to decay. Therefore, we must remain vigilent over our thoughts every day to make sure they are positive.

Exactly, Jan! To feed my heart and soul, I listen to uplifting music, look through magazines that have plants, parks, nature in them. I've even taken a trip to the big plant nursery in the next town to just look at all the beautiful growing flowers and plants. I also look through magazines that have home or room layouts that sooth the eye. As long as it's pleasing, comforting or uplifting, I fill myself with it. Sure helps!

All of you in this thread-we appreciate very much the acceptance and safety you have communicated to one another for all to see.
Part that wants to say hi to Ryan and to Jan specifically. Hi you guys.

Tomi,

I try to do that everyday. It can be hard, though. The funk I've been in lately really brought home to me how much better I've been and how low I can get. It was a true wake up call.

I've been tryingt hard not to let things trigger me. As I posted before, I know I must move to survive, so I've been working actively on that. I've gone to the Dr to get help with my meds, I've slept longer, and taken good advice more. I've allowed others that I truly trust to guide me along when I couldn't see the path, much less walk it. I have tried to take care of myself and trusted others to protect and help me when I couldn't fend for myself. With one exception, all of those people are here on this website.

I've been listening to new music, courtesy of my twin, looking interesting things up on the computer, ignoring rude people who aggravate me and sometimes even just laying down and thinking - actually thinking about things. My friend who is not from here came and got me and took me to his house in the country. I saw calves, horses, chickens, cats, dogs, rabbits, trees in spring flowers and all the things I love. It refreshed my soul.

It matches what you said exactly. Leave the negative and immerse yourself in the positive.



Jan

Kathy,

I hold your praise in very high esteem. Thank you and I'm so glad you found this. Hi, right back!

Jan