[4everANDever]

Due to my sensitive nature and untrusting mentality, people call me emotional (well I am) and don't respect me. A few people have respected me, but I would like more to, but I don't know how. Any help?

[SeptemberMorn]

Hi, and welcome to this forum.

My suggestion would be to first read the "Beauty is in the 'I'" and when you start feeling comfortable with what it says, then starts setting your boundaries with those that don't respect you.

For non-confrontational dialog, I would suggest the "I statements." Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, especially with others that would rather be confrontational.

Something else that may help with your sensitivity is the STA thread. (Stop, Think, Act)

None of this is fool proof, but it sure goes a long way to helping you with many issues.

Good luck and let us know how it's going or if you have any problems with the strategies.

[SeptemberMorn]

Oh, darn! Forgot to tell you that I have trust issues, too. Being suspicious of everything and everyone really gets in my way sometimes. Other times, it really saves me a lot of trouble and heartache. Guess you could never call me "guilible." LOL I'm trying to work on it, though.

[4everANDever]

Thanks for the reply :good_post: and the welcome. I will go and read the other posts. But I know not trusting others is not the key. It's like I don't trust them and wait for them to mess up, but you everybody is going to mess up at sometime or another. Being (or at least trying to be) more forgiving helps a lot.

[(JD)]

Perhaps you could begin at your strongest point? What is it that you do well? There has to be something that you enjoy doing, and can do... an activity or such... anything. Focus on this area, bring others into it.. so they may see and respect you for this. As you become more respectful of yourself (it grows with compliments also) you will be more self assured and won't require the opinions of others so much.... it's a process, not a happening though.

[4everANDever]

I have read the other posts and the replies and I thank you. Its like sometimes during the day I'm okay and others (like now) I find it easier to hate myself than get up and do something about my life. I know I probably sound whiney, but that is just the way it feels sometimes. Just wanted to vent.

[(JD)]

Whining is okay on this site! (But we don't let you get away with it for TOO long lol)

I was thinking about this further... some of the things I do that "command" respect, well, I learned from the military and being in command...

I carry myself with respect... Hold my head up, look at people when they talk to me, give them plenty of time to talk before responding, and I don't respond the way they might wish if they are speaking ill of someone or something, but counter it softly (yep, I do) with an idea that other factors might be involved. Not making frivolous requests help to have your important ones acknowledged.

Not engaging in gossip and certainly not beginning it helps others respect you too. If you have strong beliefs about God or general morality, then be strong in speaking your unappreciation when someone uses His name in vain, or perhaps uses a curseword you don't appreciate. (I would rather you didn't use that word...) People with convictions are appreciated for having them even if others hold different ones.

Now, there will be those who won't respect you no matter what, and you have to decide that they are people whose respect probably doesn't mean much anyway. sigh.

[4everANDever]

I feel that I make good eye contact already and stuff, but lately I just don't feel like being social at all to even test out new things. It like I wake consumed with things that people have said about that have beennegative and negative things I have done to others. It's like I'm obessed with not liking myself and don't think anyone else should like me either. And it awful because I'm felt this way since I was a kid. It just so hard to not be a negative self-absorbed perosn.

[mel020377]

4everANDever,

Respect starts with yourself. This is hard, especially if you don't like yourself sometimes. There are days when I hate myself. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am worthy and that I am a good person. So what if you are emotional... I am too!!!! Better to be emotional and have feelings, that way people know where you stand. ( my opinon only of course)

Try it and see if it works.

[SeptemberMorn]

It's that mindset that you have that needs changing. Only you can change it. The way to do that is to give yourself the positive affirmations that you lacked when growing up. In many ways, we need to reparent ourselves.

If you see yourself as your own child, it's easier to think positive things about yourself. When the old tapes of self-loathing start playing, tell them to hush and tell yourself, "I am a good person. I am a worthy person." Whatever the argument going on in your head that is negative, counter it with the opposite. If you think "I am lousy at...." Say "I am working at being good at..." If you can't do that, just tell the old tapes to "Shut up! I'm not listening to you!" Like anything else, it takes time and practice, but it's sure worth a try.

[4everANDever]

I am trying, I even called some old friends yesterday, something I have not wanted to do because I felt I wasn't good enough. It wasn't that bad. I'm not the old self (the positive old self) yet, but maybe I can get there one day. I read Ryan's post and it helped too.
Thanks SeptemberMorn, mel020377 , and Sky.

[kimmydawn]

hi 4ever! welcome! i understand "being emotional". hubby says it's hard on those around me

gl here and again...welcome!

[SeptemberMorn]

What a cute, active teddy bear, Kimmy!

[kimmydawn]

why, ty, miss (((((((((((((((september)))))))))))))))))))

love,

kd

[(JD)]

gee sept... when you said positive affirmations the first thing that came to mind was the coffee klatch lady on SNL lol oh wait.. that isn't even right, is it? It's the guy with the mirror who did that! anyway... you're right that they are good (but we do tend to disbelieve ourselves)

[SeptemberMorn]

Never watched SNL. Not even when my kids were at home, so I don't know who you're talking about. If the guy with the mirror was saying nice things to himself, then he was right on. LOL

[4everANDever]

Well, I guess I need to look in mirror this morning. It seems like more and more it is feeling more "normal" to put myself down, then to feel good about out anything about me. When I catch myself in a good mood, its like I have to immediatley remind myself that you don't deserve to like to who you are; "remember when they said this and you did that." This loving yourself thing is so hard for me. But I'm hoping one day I will be able to.

[SeptemberMorn]

It's hard for all of us. It takes a lot of hard work and allowing ourselves to recognize the good in us, especially when others have fed us lies through their own ignorance.

My ex-husband used to, maybe still does, that the way to make someone else change for the good was to call them bad things. Right!