[tee.jay]

Hi,

When someone close to you, hurts you real bad. You suffer emotional, physical, verbal abuse. How do you recover?

I'm going through this, and sometimes I am so hurt that I feel detached, numb. I try to pick myself up, nurture myself but then it happens again. I love this person a lot. Is it possible that I can recover and have a better self esteem and make this relationship succeed?

My partner tells me things like -- "I'm so fat", "My family is horrible and trash." "Nobody could ever love me". "I'm poor." "I'm only think I'm deep and smart but I'm shallow." "She tells me how pathetic I am." She let's me know that other people are better than me, her ex was better. When she's angry, I have to admit to whatever it is and say everything is my fault and that I'm sorry...

On our good days, we talk...and I tell her...that all the things she says, and the way she treats me really hurts my self esteem. She tries, but then when she's angry she does it again. She also has tendency to turn really hot and then really cold, and that hurts me a lot. I have stopped working out. I feel so depressed.

Reading all that I just wrote I feel so angry at myself. 10 years ago, I was at my ideal weight. I ate healthy, exercised, felt good about myself. Then I went through a bad relationship, my ex left me for someone else. Then a couple of months after I met my partner. Fell hard. Ended up here. I don't talk to my friends, and I don't see my family...

I am trying to find a way. To regain my stregnth, gain my self worth...I keep trying but it's not working... HELP...

With a partner like that, who needs enemies? Have you sought professional help? Perhaps joint counseling at some point would help?

Good luck.

[Perna]

I would try to recognize that the badmouther is the one with the problem, not you! All those things she says might be true but you already know them? Learn to "know" yourself realistically and accept that you have X problem and you're working on it and other people can't use the "information" anymore to hurt you because you already know, it's old news? Value yourself and KNOW you are smart and people's comments to the contrary won't "make sense". Your mother wears combat boots! Whether she does or doesn't, that wouldn't hurt you because it's just a "fact" and you know she's in the Army :-) and they don't.

[aria83]

tee.jay, you deserve to be treated w/ respect always (((((hugs)))))

[lynn P.]

I'll be honest this is verbal and emotional abuse. You need to learn how to stick up for yourself and give her a choice - getting counselling to control her abuse or leave her. No one has the right to cut you down!!

[poisonivy81]

I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years before I got the guts to leave. You should find someone new, and get into therapy. It has worked for me. I've been free of my tormentor for almost 3 years now:P You can do it too, trust me. Life is way too short to be treated like this. One can beat themselves up enough without help from anyone else. Tell your partner to kiss your trashy butt! And don't believe anything that comes out of their mouth...

[different]

[quote=tee.jay;1260191]Hi,

When someone close to you, hurts you real bad. You suffer emotional, physical, verbal abuse. How do you recover?

I'm going through this, and sometimes I am so hurt that I feel detached, numb. I try to pick myself up, nurture myself but then it happens again. I love this person a lot. Is it possible that I can recover and have a better self esteem and make this relationship succeed?

My partner tells me things like -- "I'm so fat", "My family is horrible and trash." "Nobody could ever love me". "I'm poor." "I'm only think I'm deep and smart but I'm shallow." "She tells me how pathetic I am." She let's me know that other people are better than me, her ex was better. When she's angry, I have to admit to whatever it is and say everything is my fault and that I'm sorry...

On our good days, we talk...and I tell her...that all the things she says, and the way she treats me really hurts my self esteem. She tries, but then when she's angry she does it again. She also has tendency to turn really hot and then really cold, and that hurts me a lot. I have stopped working out. I feel so depressed.

Reading all that I just wrote I feel so angry at myself. 10 years ago, I was at my ideal weight. I ate healthy, exercised, felt good about myself. Then I went through a bad relationship, my ex left me for someone else. Then a couple of months after I met my partner. Fell hard. Ended up here. I don't talk to my friends, and I don't see my family...

I am trying to find a way. To regain my stregnth, gain my self worth...I keep trying but it's not working... HELP...[/quote

I was married to a verbally and physically abusive man for 13 years. I started to become very isolated, depressed, suicidal, and started to believe what he was dishing out. I finally, with the help of a lot of therapy, went back to school, got a job, and got away from him. I met other people after our divorce and saw a lot of the traits of my ex-husband. One day a met a man, who was kind, treated me respect, never had a bad thing to say about me, and when he said good things about me, I had a hard time believing him. We have been married for 13 years. It hasn't been easy. He told me one day that I was being verbally abusive to him, and I was shocked. I started to look at my behavior when I got angry, and realized I was putting him down a lot of the time when I was angry. I have made a huge effort to change, and he has acknowledged that he sees a difference. If I am out of line, I apologize for hurting him, because usually it is because I am unhappy with myself. I can't tell you what to do. I can only tell you that I picked up a lot of bad habits from my ex. My life is better now. It is nice to know that someone has your back and is not critizing you and making you feel so small.