Approval

I always struggled with needing my father's approval and love.... maybe not such a strange need for a child but.....

He was as cold as a stone and never hugged me or praised me.

My parents divorced when I was 8 but my father lived a double life and divided his time between the two familes he was in "contact" with until I was 16 when he left for good. But the parents STILL did not tell me the truth!!!!! I knew something was very wrong but the lack of communication was so extreme and the family were so distant and emotionally detatched from each other that no one said anything.... not me, my grandmother, aunts, uncles.....

The "truth" came out when I was 20! My father was very angry with me when I reacted with shock and anger to the "news"...

Grrr (meek growl....... but why do I bother???)

I have realised a "pattern" in some of my on line "friendships" where I become "attached" to some people who resemble my father in either their intellect or their lack of sincerity or loyalty .... or their emotional coldness, or all of those things.

So I set myself up for blame, rejection and "abandonment" by these people who I chose because of my need to be hurt (unconsciously) .... and they chose me because of their need to hurt and be in control (unconsciously I am hoping)

Also my warm "fuzziness" is attractive to some.... until they tire of it. sigh.

But I have made some progress!!!

Gasps of amazement and disbelief from the stalls!!!!

I no longer want the approval or love of those who I feel have blamed and abused me, sent me mixed and conflicting messages and violated my rights to respect...... EVER.

Fuzzy

(and Lucy ..)

((((((((((fuzzy))))))))))

Gosh, that was an awesome post. So much understanding, and sharing it with us so bravely.

I believe that once we have reached the point that you describe, and IMHO have reached, we are on the way to recovery. The big thing for me is getting those patterns out in the open and realising that lots of us are in the same boat (definitely me).

You know, each time one of us is able to move forward, it feels like we all move as well.

Thanks, Myzen (Alex)

wow.......fuzzy wuzzy honey bear! awesome post!.i'm so proud of you..and alex.......you dear man....you move me to tears.......

Fuzzy, that was a great post. it's awesome you had the courage and determination to post it. I agree that it's great progress!

{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzybear}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ((((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))))

Wow! You are making such great realizations lately! Recognizing patterns is going to help you a lot, especially when you are able to learn to break the patterns that aren't good for you. You haven't told us much before about your background, and what growing up was like for you, and I have thought there must be a lot of pain there and you have been holding it in. You have learned ways to cope with life based on what you had to do as a child to get by. We all do that - as children we have to. I'm glad that you are starting to be comfortable enough to be able to let us into your world a little bit more. When we know what life is/was like for you, we can understand you better and I hope we'll be able to help and support you better as well.

You are wonderful for who you are, and that's real, and those who see and appreciate that love you for it and respect you and will never want to hurt you or use it to control you. You are definitely making progress!

Way to go!
Rap

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy/Lucy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I ditto what Wendy said!!! You have every reason to be so proud of yourself for your courage and for your discovery!!

Love you, Bear!

hugs to my ))))))fuzzy bear((((((( You have made so much progress in this area... and I'm honored that you have shared so much with us. Safe hugs & honey.

bump. (Hope you don't mind fuzzy!)

I wish someone in my cold life would give me their approval.