Needs

For as long as I can remember have always been so good at anticipating others needs (even as a chilld) and where possible meeting them - I now realise that this has been very detrimental to me.

My T has been asking me about my needs and I have absolutely no idea what they are or how to go about identifying them - it sort of feels selfish to have needs and even worse to express them, although I don't use this same judegment on other people.

How do you identify needs?

I think you took the very first positive step in realizing this is detrimental to your well being. I think women especially are people pleasers because we're often the caretakers. Sometimes we learn this role as children, when we have a needy parent who needs appeasing all the time - "I have to be good to get approval" thinking.

I think one of the most valuable things you can do is learn how to say "no" sometimes and not feel guilty or the need to give excuses. Your needs....depends on what you like to do with your spare time and realizing it's okay to ask someone to help you sometimes. Here's a good website you might find helpful:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14...g-personality/

Thank-you Lynn P - I have checked that link out and I can relate to alot on it, both in identifying how I may have learned to be like this and subsequnet negative consequences in my life - the after effects of which are some of things that I am trying to work on now.

I do feel enormously guilty whenever I say no to anyone, to the extent that the feelings can be overwhelming and it is usually less painful to say yes.

It is hard learning these lessons later in life, I could have benefitted so much from having learned these things many years ago (or not having developed them in the first place!) - It is like trying to learn a completely new concept - I hear myself repeating the word "Need" in my head, but it is meaningless to me.

As a starting point I shall consider the "no" thing. Thank-you again.

You're welcome SoupDragon - I remember watching one of Oprah's shows and she was talking about saying "no" and how she used to have a huge problem with this. The problem you might encounter is family and friends get stuck in the roles they play - for example a 'pleaser' might be always giving too much and not receiving in return. Maybe you could share with your friends/loved ones that you're trying to work on this and you may need to ease back on your role a bit and not to be offended. Good luck and don't feel guilty.