Esteem! Esteem! Esteem!! Where are you??

Self esteem is based on what someone knows to be true about themselves.

If someone has low self esteem in order to build it they would need to assume they are more than these 'truths'....

The small step forward that needs to be taken is really a giant leap of faith that the person is more than that.

Someone with low self esteem would find that step near impossible because they would be making the assumption about themselves that they can't see. The person has to believe in the unknown.

It seems like the whole thing arches back onto itself in a way.
How can someone put faith in themselves, when there isn't any faith there to begin with???? just talkin' out loud here...

that's why we are social creatures, why a monkey raised with a clock in a blanket (to simulate warth and a beating heart) isn't socialized, can't nurture her own baby monkey - we are reflected in our mother's eyes - I don't know what that means or how that works, exactly, because I didn't get it either, but T is trying.

It's mind boggling mumbo jumbo so I'm wondering if I'm contemplating too much on what I don't have vs the things I do have..

You seem to be looking at it on quite a big scale. I'd find that would seem unachievable too.

I think the most helpful way to look at self-esteem is to keep focussing on smaller steps and the bigger change will follow. Do you know the saying, if you take care of the pennies the pounds will look after themselves? (I don't know if there's a dimes/dollars equivalent.)

I think the most helpful thing I've heard about building self-esteem is to make small commitments and then keep them. Depending on where you are with life at the moment, it might be brushing your teeth every day, staying calm in a regular situation that usually makes you angry, going to the gym twice a week, saving some money, completing a step towards getting a qualification - anything achievable within a short time that you'd feel positive about.

That makes it not about faith but about action. It's possible and it's immediate. If you commit to doing something and achieve it, that builds self esteem. You see that you can rely on yourself, and you've made improvements. (So it's important to aim just above your current coping/comfort level and give yourself the greatest chances of success.)

I don't think you have to take a giant leap of faith. I think it's about creating small ripples that keep growing outwards.

I don't think it is "knows to be true" but rather, "believes or would like to be true".

If I believe I have a sense of humor and you do not think I do and independent testing says I do not, I still have self esteem because it's what I believe about myself that trumps everything else! You are the only one in your world!!!!! The rest of us are just props on your stage, minor characters; you're the only true actor.

I ask someone I love and trust (my husband) to describe me and then go from there; I trust his judgement so I trust what he says about me. I want those good things to be true, I want to believe they are as he describes! Guess what? I act like what he describes me as; he thinks I'm competent, I step up to the bat and act competently; he thinks I have good judgment, I make good judgments!

There is a little truth to your "know to be true" but that can come after "suspect"-because-someone-else-said-so. The trick is to make friends with yourself so you realize you do not always have to be honest, brave, and true; just most of the time! And, the times you are not, you have to recognize you have not acted that way (the action is not "you") and take responsibility for yourself.

The best boost to self esteem I know is taking responsibility for yourself. You only "judge" yourself on concrete actions of your own (not thoughts or feelings or other people's thoughts, feelings, or actions) and, you are a "fair" and merciful judge. If you make a mistake; you recognize it, apologize for it, and fix it as far as possible. In short, you do the best you can and recognize that you are doing the best you can; that's all self esteem is, knowing you are doing the best you can and feeling that is good enough and you are glad you are that kind of person.

To me that seems like a self-esteem with a weak foundation and requires a lot of faith, which, in my opinion, doesn’t make much logical sense. Just because I believe something to be true doesn’t mean that it is, and if there is no logical foundation for it, there will always be doubt about it.

But how do I know it is good enough, especially for someone with a lifetime of self-criticism and punishments when I did my best.

Self esteem has to come from within.

Perna, I trust my grandmother too and her judgements but the fact that she states a good quality about me doesn't truly matter because it's not what I believe to be true. I do agree that I need to take responsibility for my actions, there's no denying that. But what if taking responsability is not enough? What happens when you can not stop going over the mistakes and knowing that even if you did your best, it still wasn't enough?

I think what Coraline said about taking smaller leaps of faith in yourself sounds the most logical. Easy right? Do something right and don't make another mistake.

Mr. Venomous, it comes down to that faith thing again. Logically thinking, we have to trust in ourselves that we are much more than we know to be true at this moment.

Sorry if I am not making any sense, it's been a bit of a difficult week and I feel like I'm under water with a million bubbles all around me, not able to see any one thing clearly.

Self. . .esteem is just that; how you feel about yourself. There is no "logic" or yardstick to measure by, no lessons in how to like yourself that requires you have "faith".

I enjoy feeling good and laughing and I have a great sense of humor. I make myself and others laugh, sometimes with my mistakes or viewpoint that is odd or different from other people's. I misunderstand something and try to explain what I was thinking versus the way it is and it can be comical. Instead of deciding I'm a "loser" for misunderstanding something or for blurting out about my mistake instead of hiding it, I embrace the way I think that incorporates things other people don't notice or think about and that gives them a fresh way of looking at the world they appreciate.

A very small example happened to my niece; we were visiting the FBI headquarters in Washington and were talking about plain clothes officers only she imagined "plane" and couldn't grasp the concept. We're explaining every which way until I finally saw her problem and spelled the word for her and she was able to shift the images in her mind (why would FBI agents wear special clothes on airplanes or when would they want to dress like pilots, what would that help? :-)

That happens in reverse, to me, often, and I also am the one who catches it then; that I have that problem helps me see other people's difficulties and help them, which makes me feel really good about myself. I can explain things well because I have a great imagination and vocabulary, too, and a huge repertoire of ways to word explanations so one is likely to ring the bell of someone having trouble understanding. That I think it is funny when I make a mistake like that (instead of panicking like my niece did; she burst into tears when she finally understood) and want to share my quirks with others so they can enjoy them too, also makes me feel good!

We all have ways and means to like ourselves and attributes to share with others. Sharing our wealth with others also makes us feel good (as well as just recognizing the wealth we have in the first place). But recognizing our self wealth requires we look for it and nurture it; it's not going to come beating down our doors (like friends won't either) looking for us.

We're rarely all one thing (negative) or all another; look at this list, remind yourself of when/which positive ones you have and figure out how to use them positively so they show up more than the negative aspects. Practice makes perfect :-)

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